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Old 03-10-2015, 03:16 AM #21
FranzJosef FranzJosef is offline
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM

As for whether you are dominant or submissive, I feel you should be free to experiment with both sides.
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Old 03-10-2015, 08:54 PM #22
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM

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Originally Posted by FranzJosef View Post
As for whether you are dominant or submissive, I feel you should be free to experiment with both sides.

I don't feel constrained to one or the other. I just don't have any urge at the moment to be a top. Maybe that will change in the future, but all I know is where I am today.

I texted her last night that I know she wanted to for this week's session, take me to a mall and talk to me about clothing and what I would be comfortable wearing, but that I really need to sit down with her and talk to her about "something very important to me that is kind of really difficult to talk about". She said we can absolutely plan instead to discuss what I need to tell her, and I feel really insanely nervous to talk to "mom" about my deep love for bondage and masochism, but at the same time, so deeply relieved that I'm not lying to myself about this part of me anymore. I feel like I just took off a bra that was too tight.
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Old 03-10-2015, 10:31 PM #23
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM

You probably won't appreciate this input, but I have to give it.

1. There's nothing wrong with your desires.

2. BUT. Those desires *will* put you at significant risk of being used and abused under the guise of BDSM. People who come to BDSM with pre-existing emotional issues are the equivalent of a bleeding antelope in the middle of the Savannah.

Think about it for a second. What sort of person is likely to be attracted to spanking, biting, humiliating, striking, etc, another person? Tops / dominants are often sadists. Some of them are sane, but a lot are not. There are a significant number of 'tops' out there who seek out people who are basically bleeding on the inside and seek to make them bleed on the outside.

So I would caution you to please, please wait to explore this until you are absolutely certain that you are centered within yourself because unless you are, you will almost certainly be hurt in a way you will never come back from.

I have seen it happen many, many times. Therapy can be damaging with the wrong therapist. BDSM is the same, but even more intensely magnified.

BDSM is not a place to find security or safety or being taken care of. Under ideal circumstances, yes, you will find those things, but coming to it from a place of extreme need is a surefire way to get hurt.
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Old 03-11-2015, 07:07 AM #24
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow View Post
You probably won't appreciate this input, but I have to give it.



1. There's nothing wrong with your desires.



2. BUT. Those desires *will* put you at significant risk of being used and abused under the guise of BDSM. People who come to BDSM with pre-existing emotional issues are the equivalent of a bleeding antelope in the middle of the Savannah.



Think about it for a second. What sort of person is likely to be attracted to spanking, biting, humiliating, striking, etc, another person? Tops / dominants are often sadists. Some of them are sane, but a lot are not. There are a significant number of 'tops' out there who seek out people who are basically bleeding on the inside and seek to make them bleed on the outside.



So I would caution you to please, please wait to explore this until you are absolutely certain that you are centered within yourself because unless you are, you will almost certainly be hurt in a way you will never come back from.



I have seen it happen many, many times. Therapy can be damaging with the wrong therapist. BDSM is the same, but even more intensely magnified.



BDSM is not a place to find security or safety or being taken care of. Under ideal circumstances, yes, you will find those things, but coming to it from a place of extreme need is a surefire way to get hurt.

This may surprise you, but I actually agree with you. Completely. Except that I don't think that all sexual sadists are evil or not "sane". I think there is a spectrum, but that a "true" sadist would be a truly dangerous person.

And actually, that is the reason why I want to start talking about this to LCM. I do not think that this aspect of myself is ever gonna change and I think if you aren't extremely careful, it can easily blur the line between fun consensual play and extremely dangerous abuse.

I'm not looking to rush into this or be reckless. I just want to be honest with myself about myself and extremely careful.
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Old 03-11-2015, 11:36 PM #25
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM

I'm seeing her in 10 hours. I texted her a few days ago that I really need to talk to her about something and it will be tough for me. I asked her to help me stay on track. She said she will. I'm really nervous. Idk why. She already knows about this a little bit. I was pretty sexually overt in the groups she led while I was in patient. I guess that was different because I didn't have the same ultra strong maternal transference yet and it was in front of a group.
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Old 03-12-2015, 09:18 PM #26
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM

I also urge you to be very careful.

This is a psychological thing as much (if not more) as physical. A dom (both the "professional" ones AND the bottom feeders) will get inside your head. Use caution. Permanent damage can be done.

There are kink friendly therapists.

If you are on the fetish website that I am thinking of, it's full of predators.
Tread carefully. Talk to other subs. Go slowly. Read, read, read.
Another sub can guide you as a mentor and will perhaps put you in touch with a dom who is willing to be a guide online (you must still beware of mind games)

Take very much care.
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