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Old 03-08-2015, 09:02 PM #1
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Trig Telling LCM about BDSM

I'm gonna get so much **** for this and I don't care. Hit exit if you are offended by sex or anything that sounds like self harm.
Possible trigger:

Last edited by Wren_; 03-08-2015 at 09:18 PM. Reason: Added trigger information
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Old 03-08-2015, 09:21 PM #2
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Default re: Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

Why do you feel like you can't be honest with her? Is it because you think she wouldn't understand? If she's been in practice for a while, she's likely come across a submissive before. Try to be honest. She's there to help you, not to judge you.
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Old 03-08-2015, 09:22 PM #3
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Default re: Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

I don't know that much about BDSM but I don't see what's wrong with it when both parties are clear on limits and all that stuff. I did go to a party years ago and tried out using a soft whip with someone just to see what the attraction is but it wasn't my thing.

Are you part of the BDSM community? Or are you going to get involved with it? If you do, maybe you can find your Dom. Why not?
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Old 03-08-2015, 09:22 PM #4
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Default re: Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

growlithing, thanks for sharing. At least you are being honest. I would be honest as well. That is the right thing to be. I don't have to understand to listen. Best wishes.
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Old 03-08-2015, 09:37 PM #5
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Why do you feel like you can't be honest with her? Is it because you think she wouldn't understand? If she's been in practice for a while, she's likely come across a submissive before. Try to be honest. She's there to help you, not to judge you.

I think don't think she will accept it. I told her that I identify as a sub over a year ago. She told me she wonders if I'm suppressing being a Dom. I told her I didn't think so. But that was so long ago and I didn't tell her how important this is to me and how much it is eating at me. I've been resisting going into a relationship partially because I am scared, and partially because I am fully aware of the fact that I will not be truly sexually compatible with 80-90% of men I meet.

We also do have a mother/daughter dynamic to some extent and I know that her thinking about me getting off to pain and completely surrendering my power to a man makes her a little uncomfortable. She'll tell me I'm acting out past trauma. Maybe I am. It doesn't matter. Most people find it therapeutic anyway.

I really need her support in this. I can't just willy nilly seek out a D/s relationship. I could get hurt really badly really fast if I submit to the wrong man.
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Old 03-08-2015, 09:44 PM #6
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

Growli, I think LCM may be onto something. In a true BDSM relationship the sub is the one with the power. She or he does not fear submission because they know their own power.


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Old 03-08-2015, 09:52 PM #7
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

From what I understand, people who are truly into BDSM make sure they have clear agreements, safe words and all that stuff you probably know about. Are there any legit sex clubs in your area? The kinds that set it up so it's safe? If it's something you're into it could be a good way to test the waters.
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Old 03-08-2015, 10:06 PM #8
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

I have talked with t about my "interests" that are along the same lines as yours. There wasn't really much to talk about, though; once I told her "this is one thing about myself that I am SURE of; it is part of who I am, I am just wired this way." I told her, to give her context for a dream I had had. JS is right, the sub is not surrendering their power. At least, not in a healthy D/s relationship.
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And she basically responded well if you don't have a problem with it, then there's nothing for us to talk about. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Every now and then it comes up randomly and she doesn't seem to have a problem with it.
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Old 03-08-2015, 10:08 PM #9
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Default Re: Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

Growli,
I don't often comment on your threads, but something struck me in this one and I just wanted to put something forth. I can see how the d/s relationship would be appealing to you, and I bet your LC would as well. You seem to desperately want someone to take care of you...to tell you what to do and when and how to do it. In that respect, I can see how being submissive would be oh so appealing. For such a relationship to work, though, there has to be a huge amount of trust between partners, and I question whether you can have that level of trust without addressing some of your deeper issues first. You can't even trust your LC a lot of the time.

Also, as JustShakey noted, the sub in such a relationship actually has most of the power and control...which it sounds like you don't want. It might be a good experience for you to be in control of things in such an environment. ..getting the chance to stop things, because in your history you didn't have that chance...but I'm not sure you would exercise that control, which would defeat the purpose.
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Old 03-08-2015, 10:27 PM #10
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Default Telling LCM about BDSM *contains strong sexual triggers*

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustShakey View Post
Growli, I think LCM may be onto something. In a true BDSM relationship the sub is the one with the power. She or he does not fear submission because they know their own power.


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I was just talking to someone about this earlier. The sub in a healthy D/s relationship absolutely is the Dom because ultimately, I need to be the one to set the boundaries in the relationship. I need to be the one to limit him and tell him if it's too much. You could interpret that as being a Dom, but I want to be the one receiving the pain and bondage and acting under the guise of submission. I don't want just any Dom who thinks he is god's gift to subs. I want a man who ultimately respects me and my limits and will be extremely attuned to my body language and prioritize my psychological and physical well being above his sexual pleasure regardless of what the scene is pretending.

I have put a lot of thought into this and I'm not trying to delude myself into asking for a relationship where I am literally a slave to a man's every wish and fantasy. I want a relationship with a mature and good Dom who will play the part very well and very fully but ultimately regard communication above everything else. I think that when LCM wondered if I was trying to pretend I was a sub, she didn't know that I fully understand that the D/s dynamic is completely geared and measured by the sub's limits.
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