Why do people always get mad at me for this

RTerroni · Mar 28, 2015 at 08:02 PM

I consider myself to be Asexual but I always tell people that it was a choice that I made and not something I was born with. This always causes many other people who claim to be Asexual to get mad at me and say that I am really Celibate rather than Asexual when I know that is not the case. Why do you think people do that to me when they are supposed to be supporting me.

Mar 28, 2015 at 08:17 PM

I think there may be a distinct difference in celibacy and asexuality. Celibacy does seem to imply choice in my opinion, e.g. a Catholic priests take vows of celibacy. I'm not that familiar with asexuality but it is defined by others as lacking interest in sex.
That still doesn't explain why they get mad at you. People get angry over sexual and gender terms. I don't know why.

RTerroni · Mar 28, 2015 at 08:25 PM

Exactly did I ever take a vow of celibacy- no, and if I wanted to have sex I could if I wanted to, but honestly I don't want to which I why I believe I am Asexual (but still a choice I made).

DoggieDad · Mar 29, 2015 at 04:18 PM

I am by no means an expert, but here's a.theory:

Because by saying you chose to be asexual, you are saying sexuality, whatever version, can be chosen. And I'm not too sure that many heterosexuals, homosexuals or any other "sexuals" would take kindly to that concept

Mar 29, 2015 at 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTerroni

Exactly did I ever take a vow of celibacy- no, and if I wanted to have sex I could if I wanted to, but honestly I don't want to which I why I believe I am Asexual (but still a choice I made).

If you took a vow then it doesn't sound like you are asexual. I don't think someone who truly has no interest in sex would need to take a vow.
Some people are just very touchy about sexual and gender labels. It might be best to just drop the labels thing and avoid the grief.

LiteraryLark · Mar 29, 2015 at 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoggieDad

I am by no means an expert, but here's a.theory:

Because by saying you chose to be asexual, you are saying sexuality, whatever version, can be chosen. And I'm not too sure that many heterosexuals, homosexuals or any other "sexuals" would take kindly to that concept

I agree with this statement. Sexuality, as most people believe, is not something that can be chosen. You cannot choose to be gay or straight. So to be asexual, most people believe you can't choose to be uninterested in sex or sexuality, which is why some people will take offense if you're using the term incorrectly. Not to be rude or offensive, but as asexuality is something that is quite debatable in definition, are you sure you're using the correct term?

RTerroni · Mar 29, 2015 at 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by George H.

If you took a vow then it doesn't sound like you are asexual. I don't think someone who truly has no interest in sex would need to take a vow.
Some people are just very touchy about sexual and gender labels. It might be best to just drop the labels thing and avoid the grief.

I never took a vow never to have sex and could have sex if I wanted to.

RTerroni · Mar 29, 2015 at 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

I agree with this statement. Sexuality, as most people believe, is not something that can be chosen. You cannot choose to be gay or straight. So to be asexual, most people believe you can't choose to be uninterested in sex or sexuality, which is why some people will take offense if you're using the term incorrectly. Not to be rude or offensive, but as asexuality is something that is quite debatable in definition, are you sure you're using the correct term?

Yes I do believe I am using the correct term.

Personally I believe that most sexualities are a choice, I think that Asexuals should be supportive of one another but if someone says that they are Asexual as a matter of choice than they get all up in them. For the record I know a few Homosexuals who believe that I was a choice and not something they were born with (I know there are few who will admit to that but there are some) and how can you not say that they are not Homosexual because we know they are attracted to the same sex and that is the definition of a Homosexual.

I can tell you that I am Asexual and it was a choice that I made. It could be that it was a choice that was not entirely my own, personally I think that my sexual repression when I was young led me to become Asexual but it was still a choice and not something I was born with.

LiteraryLark · Mar 30, 2015 at 02:37 AM

Then I don't understand why you're upset when people disagree with you. Most people believe it isn't a choice, not many people believe otherwise. Just be careful who you express your beliefs to. Most homosexuals will feel highly disrespected when they are told they chose to be the way they are.

RTerroni · Mar 30, 2015 at 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

Then I don't understand why you're upset when people disagree with you. Most people believe it isn't a choice, not many people believe otherwise. Just be careful who you express your beliefs to. Most homosexuals will feel highly disrespected when they are told they chose to be the way they are.

But do the ones who believe that it is a choice not homosexual just because of it, that doesn't make any sense.

Mar 30, 2015 at 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTerroni

But do the ones who believe that it is a choice not homosexual just because of it, that doesn't make any sense.

You're kind of getting away from your original question there. I'm skeptical of anyone who says their sexual orientation is a choice. I've tried drinking Dr Pepper. I couldn't even get one of them down... I thought it was awful. There's no way I could choose to like them. On the other hand I love Coke. I didn't choose to like Coke. That's not the best analogy but it's early

In reality there is no way I could choose to be attracted to men any more than I could choose not to be attracted to women.
You're getting bogged down in semantics. Or denial. I'm not sure anyone is going to be able to make you understand the difference between celibacy: choosing not to have sex, and asexuality: not having any interest in sex.

RTerroni · Mar 30, 2015 at 02:13 PM

I agree, but I did mention how sexuality could be a choice that is not entirely your own choice but not necessarily something that you are purely born as. For instance things that happened to you when you were younger may have forced you down the path (which you can now no longer leave) which I believe may have been the case with me and being Asexual, but that still doesn't mean that you are born that way because of things had happened differently you may have gone down another path. If you were completely born that way then you would have been pre-determined to go down a certain path regardless of what may have happened when you were younger.

LiteraryLark · Mar 30, 2015 at 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTerroni

But do the ones who believe that it is a choice not homosexual just because of it, that doesn't make any sense.

I don't understand the point you're trying to make, nor what it is you find confusing.

LiteraryLark · Mar 30, 2015 at 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I agree, but I did mention how sexuality could be a choice that is not entirely your own choice but not necessarily something that you are purely born as. For instance things that happened to you when you were younger may have forced you down the path (which you can now no longer leave) which I believe may have been the case with me and being Asexual, but that still doesn't mean that you are born that way because of things had happened differently you may have gone down another path. If you were completely born that way then you would have been pre-determined to go down a certain path regardless of what may have happened when you were younger.

Back to your original topic, THIS is why people get mad at you. You have your own definition of a sexuality that is entirely different than what most people think, and it's a confusing one at best. Like I and others have said before, asexuality is extremely hard to define and hard for others who aren't asexual to understand. And again, people with asexuality can get offended if their sexuality is questioned or defined improperly.

Mar 30, 2015 at 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I agree, but I did mention how sexuality could be a choice that is not entirely your own choice but not necessarily something that you are purely born as. For instance things that happened to you when you were younger may have forced you down the path (which you can now no longer leave) which I believe may have been the case with me and being Asexual, but that still doesn't mean that you are born that way because of things had happened differently you may have gone down another path. If you were completely born that way then you would have been pre-determined to go down a certain path regardless of what may have happened when you were younger.

You're getting very theoretical there. And I'm not sure what type of things you're talking about. I can really only speak to what I know. It is of course true that bad things can happen to children that will affect them for the rest of their lives. I'm sure something like CSA can affect sexuality but I don't know that it can change sexual orientation.

Webgoji · Mar 31, 2015 at 06:18 AM

Why argue with people over a label? To me it's just not worth the energy. How about just "I don't have sex" and leave it at that?
Why do people always get mad at me for this

Why do people always get mad at me for this

JustTvTroping · Mar 31, 2015 at 08:13 AM

As an asexual person myself, I don't exactly see the offense (then again I have high tolerance for a lot of things). However, it's not exactly a choice. It's a choice to accept that this is your sexual orientation, but it's more like a reflex than a choice to have it as your orientation. It's just something that feels like you are without forcing it somehow. I hate when people just get angry and don't explain anything, it could have made things easier.

RTerroni · Mar 31, 2015 at 10:49 AM

Thanks for the feedback, I think that I am going to try to bring this up at Therapy session tomorrow.

norwegianwoman · Apr 02, 2015 at 12:03 AM

To be honest I think some people might get offended not only by your definition if it, but by the fact that you HAVE a choice. You do have sexual urges, but you choose not act on them etc. A lot of asexual people (not all, a lot are content with the way things are) probably wish they could have these feelings are they are such a big part of our culture, of relationships etc., so I imagine for some people they can get offended by this, that you sort of "throw away" what you have and take on asexuality as an identiy when for a lot of people, it is something they have struggled to come to terms with. And I can't blame them, it IS a bit offensive of you.

RTerroni · Apr 03, 2015 at 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by norwegianwoman

To be honest I think some people might get offended not only by your definition if it, but by the fact that you HAVE a choice. You do have sexual urges, but you choose not act on them etc. A lot of asexual people (not all, a lot are content with the way things are) probably wish they could have these feelings are they are such a big part of our culture, of relationships etc., so I imagine for some people they can get offended by this, that you sort of "throw away" what you have and take on asexuality as an identiy when for a lot of people, it is something they have struggled to come to terms with. And I can't blame them, it IS a bit offensive of you.

How do you know that I have sexual urges, I never said that I did.

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RTerroni Elder Member Since Sep 2013 Location: USA Posts: 5,751 10 2,136 hugs given	Mar 28, 2015 at 08:25 PM #3 Exactly did I ever take a vow of celibacy- no, and if I wanted to have sex I could if I wanted to, but honestly I don't want to which I why I believe I am Asexual (but still a choice I made). __________________ COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022
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DoggieDad Member Member Since May 2014 Location: I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out Posts: 155 9 39 hugs given	Mar 29, 2015 at 04:18 PM #4 I am by no means an expert, but here's a.theory: Because by saying you chose to be asexual, you are saying sexuality, whatever version, can be chosen. And I'm not too sure that many heterosexuals, homosexuals or any other "sexuals" would take kindly to that concept __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I got nuthin'...
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LiteraryLark Crowned "The Good Witch" Member Since Jun 2009 Location: Wonderland Posts: 11,535 (SuperPoster!) 14 1,318 hugs given	Mar 30, 2015 at 02:37 AM #9 Then I don't understand why you're upset when people disagree with you. Most people believe it isn't a choice, not many people believe otherwise. Just be careful who you express your beliefs to. Most homosexuals will feel highly disrespected when they are told they chose to be the way they are.
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Webgoji Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2013 Location: Wichita, Ks Posts: 3,535 10 993 hugs given	Mar 31, 2015 at 06:18 AM #16 Why argue with people over a label? To me it's just not worth the energy. How about just "I don't have sex" and leave it at that? __________________ Helping to create a kinder, gentler world by flinging poo.
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RTerroni Elder Member Since Sep 2013 Location: USA Posts: 5,751 10 2,136 hugs given	Mar 31, 2015 at 10:49 AM #18 Thanks for the feedback, I think that I am going to try to bring this up at Therapy session tomorrow. __________________ COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022
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