Anxiety Induced Anorgasmia

Has anybody successfully overcome anorgasmia caused by anxiety? Wifey and I have had a bit of a rough patch sexually and are getting things going again, but now my anorgasmia is back in full force. The crappy part is that I can have an orgasm through masturbation when she's not in the room, but if she's anywhere around ... nothing.

Any ideas? Since she's going to be out of town I'm going to talk to the therapist about it this weekend as well.

Webgoji,

It may be a little more complex, but I have had some success with overcoming anorgasmia. The core reason for my anorgasmia is from a loss of sensation to my penis, however I had a long period of anxiety (over a year) where the concern over not feeling my equipment and not sure whether I would ejaculate was itself causing me to not be able to orgasm.

I have had many instances where I couldn't get an erection, instances where I could but lost it with any distraction, instances where I was hard (from Viagra) but couldn't ejaculate, and even instances where I would ejaculate but without an orgasm (has this happened to you?) All this lead to a lot of anxiety of both not being able to satisfy my wife and not having "pleasure" from intercourse.

This was all very depressing, and I got to a point that where I would avoid sex to avoid the anixety and disappointment.

I have had a number of session with a sex therapist and I have worked to accept this "disability", and also worked a lot to accept that sex doesn't have to end with an orgasm. I have been learning to get pleasure from giving pleasure (ie. oral sex), and to realize that a numb penis can provide a significant amount of pleasure from penetration to my wife...without fear of ejaculating too soon. If I've taken a Viagra, I could potentially have penetrative sex with her until it wears off (though I don't think I would have enough energy to do so).

My point I have been able to remove most of my anxiety by taking away the pressure to ejaculate. Sure it's the goal of every warm-blooded man, but I have had to modify my goals to something that is achievable.

I hope this helps in some way.

Bixf, I've always been one to put my wife before myself and actually was pretty good with the anorgasmia that had been caused by my medication. But I managed to get on a new medication that cleared up the anorgasmia ... up until my wife's libido nearly disappeared about 6 months ago.

So now it's back in force and completely due to my own anxiety and stress with our sexual relationshaip and I'm just not sure how to overcome that anxiety. I'm sure the anorgasmia will clear right up once I quit "holding back".

Webgoji,

Well maybe you could follow a similar methodology. Perhaps you just need to find a way to gently slide back into intimacy with Mrs Webgoji. Simple things like a naked body massage gets you back into being close with her without expecting actual penetrative sex. You could eventually try mutual masturbation, which you know works...

Getting comfortable with yourself is what it will take...and you can't necessarily rush back into full out sex. It was along process for me, and we are only just back into having full sex....with lots of foreplay and pleasuring of my wife, so we are sure at least one of us gets all the sex they want.

I have the same problem, though because I'm female it's a little different of course. I'm not sure what my problem is anyway since I'm not on any medication that would cause anorgasmia and it also takes way too long sometimes when I'm on my own. Actually, it started taking longer after I started using a vibrator which was supposed to HELP.

And I feel so guilty because it makes my partner feel inadequate and because I'm afraid it's wasting his time since we sometimes try for hours because I feel like I'm about to have an orgasm for that long and don't want to just give up.

I don't know what the answer is yet, but I just wanted to say I could relate.

I relate to this, but because my hubby could either never get an erection or would fall asleep on me, I had bigger complaints. Now, if I can get him interested (he's a porn addict), I just fake it to make him feel motivated to do it some more. I've got to say, I feel like the most sexually frustrated female on earth!

My partner has had trouble with erections too. And even if he gets hard and stays hard long enough to go inside me, he comes immediately.

The problem causing me the most anxiety is he is so busy and has so much work to do (his advisor told him to take 15 hours of GRAD school classes this semester and the field we're in, a lot of the classes are 0-1 hour, so you can just imagine…) that if it takes me very long at all, I get really guilty that I'm wasting time he doesn't have.

Same. Well, maybe when grad school is finished and his stress goes down, you won't have this issue. With me, it will never end. We will just get old and I'll die a virtual nun.

Perhaps, but that's another two years. I feel like the pattern might be too well established to be changed easily by that point. I still feel like it'll get better someday. We have too much chemistry for sex to never "work". Why do you think it will never end in your case?

I've read that it's supposed to help to only engage in intimate touching and not sex/sexual touching. Basically touching without the intent of an orgasm and slowly work one's way up to that point again. It's supposed to help with erection problems and premature ejaculation due to anxiety and possibly anorgasmia due to anxiety. Has anyone tried a method like this? I've tried with my partner but we both have such high sex drives and chemistry that not having sex is very challenging.

A link to the method I was looking at:
http://counselling-matters.org.uk/si...nsateFocus.pdf

I say I'm stuck with it as is because he's too damn old to care anymore. He wasted his youthful sex drive with porn and his own hand, in private, while I went mad! He's almost 50 and burnt himself out. I just hit the age where I'm a cat in heat laying next to a zombie ugh

Hmmm…I have no idea what to say for that age range. I'm still at a younger age so I have to assume the issues I have are because of anxiety. I just don't know what to do about it. I have to take care of myself because I can't get anywhere with him most of the time and I end up watching a lot of porn myself (I watch a LOT before I met him). I can occasionally get off in a reasonable amount of time without porn, but I don't want to waste an hour or two if I can get away with it. And a vibrator usually makes it take much longer for me.

Bummer Webgoji.... she's finally interested, and now you're stuck not being able to cum. I feel for you.

I'm not sure what to tell you - I'm in a similar place to where you are right now. I can't seem to cum, no matter how hard I try or how much foreplay/stimulation I get. Even on my own it's not the same as it used to be.

I guess we just have to take it one day at a time, and be good to ourselves, and try to not put too much pressure on ourselves. Hugs.

I've started taking Nugenix (a testosterone booster for us older guys) and it seems to be making things better. My confidence is up, I'm in a better mood and I might be breaking over the anorgasmia hurdle. We shall see how it goes as time goes on.