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fallen_warrior
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Default Apr 24, 2007 at 11:38 AM
  #1
As some of you may know from the "Teen in Need" board, I recently suffered bad sexual confusion. To the point where I was spending my days feeling dark etc

Well, reading up, I realised I had been suffering HOCD (At least I think I was). The symptoms were deffinately there. And now, all of a sudden, I dont feel confused any more.

Whilst thats a good thing and I should be celebrating that Im now feeling better. I feel suspicious. Is it natural to feel this way all of a sudden. Women are suddenly sexually attractive again to me, I dont see men as soul mates ( not that I did) or sexual beings. Maybe the occasional "yeh hes good looking".

What confuses me is lack of answers, how Im not sure if Im okay, whether I'm in denial, do I really find women attractive... ive gone on for 4 months being confused, its never guaranteed if my confusion has been lifted. I think my mind wants answers.

Maybe, becuase Im 14, this whole thing was a hormonal thing. But then I think it was HOCD, the things I did corresponded to it all. IE checking the way I walked, getting uncomfortable when a member of the same sex was a cm close to me.

Sometimes Im still a little scared that Ill never fall in love with a woman.

I think perhaps all this time I have been doing exposure therapy without realising it. Testing the waters. Talking about gay issues, looking at males and seeing if I think they were good looking. It was watching stuff like Will n Grace I saw that I didnt "feel" like the Will nd Jack.

I dunno whether Im just not used to feeling straight, but Im scared itll all go wrong. I dont feel it in my heart, that Im gay. Im scared that its denial.... Im not sure whether this is ok or not.

Im scared that gayness will latch onto me outta nowhere becuase Im finally feeling okay again. I just feel odd!
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SecretGarden
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Default Apr 24, 2007 at 12:05 PM
  #2
I am interested in your post and will write more later. For starters.... You need to give yourself a break and try to relax a bit. You are still mighty young and have much of life to live.

Later....

Do not forget to breathe.... as the saying goes.
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Default Apr 24, 2007 at 07:26 PM
  #3
I do not quite know how to say this and believe me I am far far far from an expert but I think that a bit of confusion is quite normal.

I also wanted to tell you that you can have a soul connection with someone without having a sexual relationship with them. I do not want you to be afraid to have male friendships. I would like to encourage those as a matter of fact but I think I might avoid the buttheads you mentioned in your previous post.

You know at your age there are lots of buttheads around that really do get off by making others uncomfortable. That is because they are trying to figure things out themselves and this is how THEY deal with it. Not the best way in my book. Do not take anything they have to heart... or brain. Yeah...I know that is hard... but if you could...that would be a wise thing to do. What DO they know anyway? They are also your age and still finding their way.

(You do realise that even at my middle age I well remember those folks... they seem to be standard with the process.)

I think that what you need to work on is yourself and liking yourself and getting to know people, men and women, boys and girls, whatever you would like to call them.....and of all ages to experience what brain to brain relationships are like.

Do not live your life in fear.

I have no idea what HOCD is.... Not even going to google it but you are welcome to share if you would like to.

I think that you need to allow yourself to be who you are and explore who that is, personally and in time sexually. I wish you to know that the world is indeed your oyster. Grab it and try to not fear it. Keep yourself safe but ... Happiness and exploration of YOU is what it is all about.

Have you thought of potentially talking with a counselor of these concerns? Do you lose sleep over these concerns? You seem to be avoiding people and situations due to their perceived "gayness." You may wish to talk to someone further about these things...like a trusted counselor at school or outside of school.

I think you are doing fine and your concerns probably typical. Do not take in what the bozo's have to say. Think and explore for yourself.

As a final word as to who you choose to be or who you find within yourself.... It is my opinion that you can expand your world by accepting others based upon their kindnesses and genuineness and how they make you feel (not necessarily sexually.)

I know you are at a special time of your life. Try to relax and enjoy seeing yourself and others around you bloom personally....

I do not know if this will help you at all but these are just a few of my thoughts.

Best wishes.
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Default Apr 24, 2007 at 07:30 PM
  #4
P.S. There are worse things than being gay...and I am NOT saying you are. Being gay and happy and secure beats many things in life.

Also, I do not know if you chose the name Fallen Warrior due to your fear of being gay but know that a positive name as you go through life is more like you are traveling in a postive way. JMHO. Take that for what it is worth.

Take care of YOU and do not let ANYONE reach you inside and tell you you are not a good person. Keep knowing that you are o.k. inside and out. Be your own pep squad.
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Default Apr 25, 2007 at 06:09 PM
  #5
Is this natural?? Is this natural?? Is this natural?? for secretgarden!!!!
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Default Apr 25, 2007 at 06:24 PM
  #6
gee thanks.... I appreciate that. Is this natural??
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