masturbation guilt

Hello,

I am a 22 year old boy. I have been struggling with some problems regarding porn and masturbation for about 10 years. When I was 12, at a confession at church, I told the priest that I had masturbated. He told me that I shall stop immediately or else it would be very bad for me. This has got engraved into my mind so deep that even if I acknowledge the fact that masturbation is not harmful, I can still not feel that way and I end up feeling like a guilty looser after every time I'm doing it. I mostly feel guilty because I think that I could have done something else in that time instead of masturbating. Basically, my sexual education was porn and I regret this very much. But now I don't desire porn anymore. I watch it sometimes, but I feel the strong need of touching another person's skin, looking into their eyes and all the things that make an intimate connection between two people. I have had two girlfriends so far, whom I didn't sleep with (so I'm a virgin), only had some other sexual experiences and I felt guilty even after those. I would like to get a girlfriend and begin my sexual life, but I find it extremely hard because I'm not the type of "bad guy" that most girls are looking for (although I don't know why, because I believe I am a fun person to be around, I just don't smoke, drink or enjoy low-quality music), so my option for now is masturbation, but I am confident that I will eventually get to find a girl whom I will love and have sex with. It's only that I'm asking myself whether the guilt will be present even then.

So my question for you is what do you think I should do in order to get rid of this guilt and the false things that are in my mindset? Should I not watch porn anymore? Should I give up masturbation? I would like to be an open and fun person, but the fear, the guilt, the anxiety stop me from being one (at least in my opinion). How can I develop a sense of self so that no guilt and doubts have place in my life?

Thank you

Well what jumps out at me is this ingrained feeling you have that masturbation is "bad."
You've had this for awhile bec you confessed it as a "sin", To a priest. I'm not sure what commandment was broken here.
Do you know? Why did you think this was bad? Who told you it was bad? Why all this guilt?
What has reinforced this guilt is the priests comment that you had to stop & its bad for you.

Now you're older. Think about why a priest would tell you this. There are many reasons, but do you agree with them.

I am a former Roman Catholic. I understand guilt from the church very very well. IMO it's used as a form of control, but I digress. If you can get over these feelings of guilt & shame of masturbating from what sounds like a religious point of view & maybe study this from a scientific point of view or any other point of view it might help with this tunnel vision.
Yes you need to look more deeply as to why you feel this way. IMO if you enjoy porn responsibility then enjoy it. Same goes for masturbation. Enjoy it!!

The priest exalted himself at your benefit by playing the role of an authority and a know-all while receiving a confession of an impressionable 12 year old boy. Your suffering of the past decade is a big fault of the priest. He cannot be held formally accountable for it, nor are you able to make him feel the pain he inflicted on you, but it is within your power to better your life going forward and to assume a protective, parental stance towards that scared 12 year old boy who was essentially bullied by an authority figure who did not deserve his trust. Some of the options for you: write a letter to the priest (and do send it if you know the contact info of the priest), telling him how hurt you were, how much pain he inflicted, how his desire to inflict emotional pain on a vulnerable preteen was a sign that he was not happy or satisfied in his own life, how disgusted you are with him, and how you are taking positive steps now to better your life, to enjoy masturbation, and to prepare for the time when you will be able to share your sexuality with an appreciative girlfriend (I agree that this time will come for you). You are a victim of the priest. The priest was the perpetrator of a crime against you, because he ruined your internal life for a decade. You need to take the situation in your control, abandon the idea that masturbation is harmful for you (you are already aware of it intellectually, but you need to believe it with all your being), welcome the progression from porn to wanting real intimate contact, and if you do all of those, you can look forward to a much improved life in the near future.

sad mermaid said it perfectlly ... let me add that masturbation is as natural as peeing ... it is the response to a natural body function ... I don't want to bash Priests but there anti-everything beliefs has caused a lot of sexual abuse by them ... that should be enough to cause you to doubt their "rightness" ... what was done to you is unforgivable ... it would be as if you had been told to not laugh ... a part of who you are ... was taken away ... but it does not need to stay that way .. the rest of your life .. is just that .. "your life" ... live it under your authority as an adult ... you do not need anyone's permission or approval ... you are the adult .. put bad advise , guilt ... in the past .... good luck my young friend ... Tigger.

ps: I struggled with most of what you are ... the sooner you accept responsibility for your life as the adult you are , the happier your life will be ...

I was very religious when younger, and I felt very guilty after each time I masturbated. My religiosity couldn't stop me from doing it, but it succeeded in making me feel guilty. Nature is more powerful than religion. Think about that. Are you still religious or go to the church and confess?

You are completely normal in my opinion. Everything you wrote is alot of what most boys feel when they go through puberty. Sexual desire is not something anyone can "control" regardless of what this priest said.. It's the religion aspect of this that makes you feel that it's "wrong" and that is so much why I do not practice or believe in any religion. I'm so sick of hearing how religious authority figures try to "scare" others into feeling guilt for natural things like sex, and masturbation, or even sexual preference. You are craving what so many many other people desire....sexual affection from another human being. I say you should enjoy and embrace your sexuality as long as you are safe and educated as far as protecting yourself from std's and unwanted pregnancy. Never feel ashamed !