Ace or Afraid?

When I was little, I was given inappropriate attention by several males in my life who were much older than me and in places in my life in which I should be able to trust them (i.e. family, camp counselors, friends' parents, etc.). I don't remember much of it very clearly, but I do remember the people and the basics of what happened. Just last year, I was given what I considered inappropriate attention by a family friend whom I had grown up with. We go to the same college, and not only did he get extremely handy in a way that made me uncomfortable, he kissed me. This was my first (and only) kiss. I wasn't given a chance to say no, really, and he did this kind of thing as often as possible. There was no more kissing directly, but he kissed my neck a few times, and would "hug" me while rubbing against me. I didn't enjoy any of what he did to me, and in fact felt very violated afterwards. It got me thinking about my sexuality. After some research, I thought that I could be asexual, or some subset of ace or on the ace spectrum somehow. That seems to be what I relate most to. My mother and therapist, both of whom I tell most everything to, think that this could just be me being afraid or distrusting because of the past experiences I mentioned above. Thoughts?

It's difficult to say with any certainty but I think it could definitely be at least in part caused by your negative, abusive experiences with men, since those were basically the only romantic/sexual experiences you had and at a formative age. You could of course be ace but at the same time there's enough to support the idea that it's more likely a disinterest caused by a coping mechanism and trauma since your brain might very well associate romance, men and sexual interest with the negative feelings that resulted from those abusive encounters.

If that is the case, it's something you can probably work your way out of with therapy, support and a positive experience.

I second what Entity wrote.

I also wonder whether I'm asexual or whether it's something else. Trauma is one of those "something elses", as are my autism and my age (maybe I'm a latebloomer? I'm 20).