relation between abuse and asexuality??

So I have never been interested in dating or marrying any sex/gender, and for as long as I've been open about the abuse I endured as a child, people have assumed that I'm just afraid of sex. While that is true, I don't think that is something that needs to change because I am not just avoiding relationships out of fear; I also just don't have an interest. I'm not at all a romantic, and I just don’t feel like there’s much benefit to romance or sex. Obviously, I understand that most of the population feels exactly the opposite way, which is cool and I’m happy for everyone who has a loving partner, but I have never understood the appeal personally.

I like living alone, I hate flirting, and I think kissing sounds awkward. I’ve never wanted to get pregnant, and it is legal for a single adult to foster and adopt children in my state, so I can still be a mother if I ever decide that I can take on that responsibility. All my life, people have been telling me that one day I’ll change my mind; I’ll get lonely or I’ll want my own kids or love will come when I least expect it. I have even pretended to be interested in guys just to try to be normal and to quiet all the rumors that I was a lesbian simply because I didn’t show interest in guys. One of my best friends is a guy and I love him to death and trust him with my life, but I have never once thought that pressing our lips together and tasting each other’s spit would be fun. If I was going to look for the perfect spouse, he would probably be it, but I still don’t want to share a home with him or call him pet names.

I get that there are great things about relationships and that consensual sex can be a great thing, but even with fear completely removed from the equation, I don’t consider those benefits to be enough to outweigh the downsides. By downsides I mean sharing a home, a room, a bed, and finances; trying to find a balance with housework, having to agree on any big decisions, finding time to go on dates, putting in all the emotional energy of living side by side with another human being, all of the things that are seriously tough about marriage or even a committed partnership. And I hate that it’s always assumed that everyone wants to/should/will get married because it’s a serious commitment to another person, and there shouldn’t be any pressure to fit that norm because it only encourages people to rush into something they may not be ready for. I think some of the couples that I know just used each other to fill that “need” for a spouse and that’s what ruined their marriages. It should be an “opt-in” decision rather than an “opt-out” one. (I think the same should be said for having kids!)

I am glad that other people enjoy it, but I just don’t think I would. I was happy when my friend graduated with a nursing degree, but that doesn’t mean I want to become a nurse, too. I have weighed what I consider the biggest pros and cons of marriage, and taking all fear and insecurity and abandonment issues out of the equation, I’ve still decided that the cons drastically outweigh the pros in my mind. My friends just don’t get this and try to tell me that counseling will help me overcome my fears and that healing and miracles are possible. I don’t dispute miracles and healing, but I don’t get why I need to overcome this fear. If I am perfectly content being single, can’t I just stay that way? I know the assumption is that when people are hurt, they sometimes want to run from the problem and avoid getting hurt again. I understand that’s what people think I’m doing. But I just don’t feel romantically or sexually attracted to anyone or anything.

As a single person, I get to make all my own choices without worrying about how it’ll affect a spouse, but people just pity me for being “alone.” I’m not alone; I have more friends than I can handle visiting on a regular basis because I need a lot of personal time. I want to get a dog, but that’s because I want cuddles—not sex or conversation. I am very much an introvert, and all I want is to play with my dog after work each day then go home to put on comfy clothes and snuggle up with a good book until it’s time for bed. I don’t want to talk to someone about my day (and if I ever do, I have a list of friends to call). I don’t want to discuss our finances or whose turn it is to do the dishes. I don’t want to wake up early to another person’s alarm clock because he goes to work earlier than me. And I definitely don’t want to be expected to have sex ever or get called pet names or have to kiss somebody.
I only recently started learning about asexuality online, but it made so much sense to me. I have read a lot of things about how people think that it’s just a way for people to say they’re afraid, or they’re in the closet, or they’re abstaining from sex, and that’s not at all what I’m doing. I have never experienced sexual attraction. The only “crushes” I’ve ever had were actually “squishes” (platonic crushes or the desire to become closer friends with someone). I find people attractive aesthetically and platonically, but I don’t want to kiss them or see them naked. I’ve never been sexually abused by a woman, so if fear is all that holds me back, I should be a lesbian. But I’m not. I have never been kissed, so my lack of interest in that isn’t a result of my trauma. I am no longer afraid of men in general—only the ones who specifically behave inappropriately. I know there are amazing men in the world, but I don’t want anything but friendship from them.
Knowing all of this, do you still think that I am asexual because of the abuse? I don’t think it has anything to do with it, honestly. And even though I haven’t “come out” as asexual, I’m tired of people telling me that I’m going to fall in love with my guy friend or that one day, I’ll want a husband. I have been open most of my life about enjoying singleness and not having any desire to marry. I’ve always been dismissed, and I’m so sick of it. Why can’t people just leave it alone? People are judged for having sex too much, too early, with the wrong person, and with too many people, but I don’t want to have sex at all and people still tell me it’s a phase or it’s because of my dad or the “right guy” will change my mind. Seriously? Who cares that I don’t have sex? You’d think that would be acceptable. Can’t I just go out and rock my job and come home and do what I want? I’m not hurting anyone and I don’t think I’m missing anything that great. What’s wrong with that?

I think you should be free to live your life anyway (with in reason and the law) that you want too ... having said that ... if this was not bothering you I do not feel you would be asking others about it ... I have no advise for you ... except be yourself ... there are a lot of good people here ... reach out ...

welcome to pc ... if you ever want to talk at length please write ... I have no experience with sexual abuse but have lived a long time ... and am a good listener ...

welcome to PC ... Tigger.