I'm tired of not having a good sex life!

I'm 31 now, and despite my age, I have only had a few girlfriends briefly. In 2007, I was unofficially diagnosed with autism. One girl, I spent years looking for, just to get screwed over by her (no, not in a sexual way either). She was just a sad, selfish, waste of space user, and a lying you know what.

Anyway, I've often had issues with escorts. My family won't allow me to bring sex workers into the house. Many times, I never feel relaxed enough to get an erection unless I use a drug that helps, and having feelings of social anxiety in public lowers my libido too, and when I want to go out, despite my age, my mother asks me a whole ton of questions about where I'm going, which also makes me feel odd. She knows I see escorts and rather than understand that I have needs, she tries to dissuade me or threaten me somehow. I've wasted hundreds of pounds trying to bang women, and gotten nowhere doing so.

I think I've only enjoyed sex and been able to have an orgasm twice out of the dozens of times I've used escorts, whether it's doing it in massage parlors or doing an in call where I go to their flats. Some escorts are quite nice in general, but many of them unfortunately, are cold and extremely nasty, and potentially dangerous. Foreigners are especially horrid.

They often will lie about their 'services' (you can normally see a list on their online profiles) and they generally try to get more money out of you, and lie, or cut the session short. Sometimes, I've left their premises amid abusive treatment and felt rather bad, like the ground beneath my feet suddenly opened up and swallowed me whole. One woman who was traveling around the country saw me in my city last year, then denied all knowledge of even seeing me when I left her bad feedback, as a client should. Because why be subjected to such rudeness and dishonesty, and not let others see that they are not offering a good service? It's made me lose faith in females. It really has affected my self-esteem. How these people can make you feel like an ant being burned alive under a magnifying glass is truly awful.

I'm attracted to Thai transsexuals (referring to such a person as a "ladyboy" or katoey is a non-derogatory term for this culture) and some guy labelled me a 'bum boxer' once after I said I'd been with one, and I'd happily do it again.

Well, a transsexual is obviously a person who is biologically a male or women but undergoes treatment to appear like they are a member of the opposite sex, and would prefer to be respectfully addressed as either a man or a woman. How sad is that comment? Honestly - why the heck do you get such stupid idiots in this lifetime that just take the biscuit?

If my girlfriend had a penis, I'd count that as a badge of honor, laugh in their faces, and make everybody feel jealous. But seriously: I need to eradicate all these nasty people from my life. For if I don't do it soon, I'm worried that they'll rule over me until the day I die.

I personally don't like the prospect of using a "lady of the night" as it were to sastisfy the need for sex for one simple reason, you have no clue of their past, and have no idea what if any STDs they might have. All it takes is one time having unprotected sex to screw your life over for ever. Even using protection can ultimately lead to contracting an STD as no means of protection is 100% safe.

As for your emotional confusion, and trepidation with soliciting women, I have a theory. The reason you feel so confused and awful about it all is because they are doing sexual acts as a profession, and nothing more. You feel at a loss when they go off and don't acknowledge you outside of their evening with you because you naturally long for a deeper, more meaningful connection. In their eyes, they are paid for their services and afterword, they owe you nothing, not even recognition. Besides, if they did give you recognition outside of their services, they might risk ruining what reputation they have built up within their "business adventures". You long for compassion, decency and most of all basic human contact. You are really looking for intimacy, not sexual contact, mind you, but the special kind of intimacy that comes with being in a deep and meaningful relationship. It's not something an escort feels they owe you and something they probably don't give to their clients for fear of breaching a line somewhere between professional and intimate relationships.

I understand the frustration of having no one interested in you. I get looked over more than I'd like to count, or could count. I don't understand why, being that I feel I look very attractive and desirable. I guess guys don't like it when I open my mouth and sound very ditzy every once in a while. I'm a very intelligent woman, I just happen to have blonde moments every so often.

Instead of looking toward escorts and "people of the night", I often just pour my money into dating sites. It burns just about the same amount of money, and I often get to go out on a date or two with a guy and they offer to pay for meals and stuff. It's okay, I guess, and I know that being more selective of whom I get intimate with means less risk of contracting an STD.

With that said, the last time I got laid was back a couple of years ago, and I've almost forgotten what if feels like, however, whenever the lustful need rears it's head, I just put on some porn and use a toy. Not the same, granted, but it gets the job done to the point where it's not an all consuming and ravaging need that demands that I must drop whatever I'm doing and jump the next guy that crosses my path.

I'm also sorry that the folks in your life are rather degrading in regards to your sexual preferences. I mean, don't we all have some kink or preference when it comes to whom we seek out for sexual intimacy and romance? It's all perfectly natural, and to condemn and scorn a man for what he likes to do behind closed doors is being rather nosey, IMHO. "If it doesn't affect you directly, don't worry about it." That statement right there aught to be a law or something. Besides, I'm sure they all have kinks that they'd be blushing over if someone outside of their innermost circle knew about. So they shouldn't be ones to talk.

Anyways, I hope you find a solution that works for you. I really do.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

Yes - I know it's just a job to those people, and I think many of them are misandrists as well, which is shocking. The way many of them behaved in my presence was hardly lady like behavior, in my eyes. Half of the women I seen acted like prison screws with the worst mannerisms, and some of them had a cold icy look, like I'd be beaten up if I crossed them. They probably take drugs. In fact, I belatedly left one woman bad feedback as I left her place feeling like she took my dignity away. She really was that nasty, and she actually denied ever seeing me. As they will. Also, that ladyboy I seen also sent me a barrage of nasty messages like she was high on something (which is so uncharacteristic of our initial meeting). So in retrospect, my first time with a transsexual feels ruined now, even though she was initially wonderful.

The only reason I see the Polish lady that I do is because I had a good shag with her, years ago. And I do mean years ago. I've saw her many times since then, and it's been a true waste of my cash. Today, I sent her a text message saying I'm taken a break. She usually just has to give me hand relief. I'm never aroused. When you penetrate someone, you're supposed to feel sexually excited, right? But I don't. There's also the added hassle of having to travel around, and I get anxiety so bad these days, that I'd rather not use public transport. I'm not allowed to bring women like that into my parents' house either. Sadly, I have issues trying to get accommodation elsewhere, and I generally feel very fed up now with practically everything in my life that I used to enjoy, due to a magnitude of stressful situations.

Since that one good time with her, I've never been able to hardly do a thing with women, as I described above. When you're that unlucky, it's pointless handing over £100 or more. Regardless of what one pays, it's so silly if the sex does nothing for them. There have been some women who have been attractive, and I never had issues with getting an erection when I was a teenager, despite not having sex until I was 22 and this was in a sauna (she was nasty too, because she knew I was a virgin). Now it is so hard, even with impotence drugs, to screw anyone. Some of these women don't even use real lube. They apply stuff to their genitals like Savlon antiseptic cream, baby oil and coconut oil. Seriously!

When I leave that Polish woman's flat, I feel immensely dumb, like I'm not a real man. It's not like I have any savings either, so it's a big loss financially to carry on doing this like a fool. When I actually spoke to my doctor about all of this stuff, all he did was try to prescribe beta blockers (for anxiety) because I was convicted of stalking support workers, so he refused to give me Vigara, even after I had it prescribed many times from the same surgery, and they obviously know about all that chaos to do with the court matters. His manager lied for him recently when I called to complain about how I was treated and embarrassed, and she said I've not had it prescribed from there by any of the doctors, since 2015 (which is a lie).

The women I've seen all notice I have a baggy foreskin too, which my now ex-doc says is just 'the foreskin God gave you' like his idiot opinions matter to me. Do they hell? He also accused my sister of exaggerating about her bowel disease and wanted her to take a gluten test, even after unaffiliated hospital staff warned her that is unwise. My family members also got letters saying we've to move because we live too far away, when we do not.

Anyway, thanks for the reply.