I need some advice...

Sounds good. I’ll ask in 20 yrs if you’re still the same person then as you are now.

Lmao. Totally over your head. I'm out.

Thank you.
If you do not understand the basic concept that the only thing consistent in our lives on this little blue marble, is that everything CHANGES! This is my point, to you, to ArtChic, everyone, myself included.
We do not know the future, what imprints on us & our psyche, how our environment, past, present, emotions, even down to our basic principals & ethics...they can change.

Look at the bigger picture here! OP, what are you willing to examine in your life to make a possible change for this person. If you say nothing, then walk away.

SadGirl we are not defined by our labels in life! Whether it’s in the MH or bdsm community. My labels & “preferences” change according to my mood so why do I wanto carry those labels around. Labels are a form of narrow minded thinking that I’ve learned to steer clear of bec I’ve noticed people like to be in groups & say “metoo”. So if you don’t think you’ll ever ever change....well you’re missing out on a ton.

There’s no flexibility in this post...& I think I’m the oldest one on it. So I’ll leave for you young kids.
Carry on.

I knew that I could never commit to monogamy, even when I committed to monogamy. There is nothing brave or good about monogamy despite the shouting entertainment mogul’s cries.

Where did you get the idea that monogamy is good?

You are wrong about one partner being abandoned in a ‘three-way’ relationship. That has not been my experience or observation.

So, you asked your friend to suppress his nature and he agreed? Straight out of a pulp romance, yeah? If he finds a Real Live Girl who will help him express his nature, how long do you think he will choose his internet sweetheart?

I think that you are closing in on the Slippery Slopes, where you may falter or fall. These - ugh, I can’t believe that I will use the term - these cyber-relationships (ugh!) are tenuous. You are certainly not going to bed with this man and definitely not waking up with him. You have no idea what it might be like to be within a common space for 24-hours. You do not know one of his many scents and you do not know the back of his hand or his palm or the lengths of his fingers.

In hospices you will be told that the dying want and need ‘touch,’ physical contact, in their final stretches. I believe that is true of budding relationships, too. I cannot imagine a loving relationship without touch. I cannot.

Yet you seem to need this relationship? You want it to continue if you can control and limit your lover’s sexual desires?

If I were you I would take some time and dissect this online relationship to see just which needs it may be fulfilling and just what it lacks. And ‘whose needs’ are being fulfilled and whose’ lacking.

You chose to post in this sexuality forum and you chose well, in that, but you came in quashing the expressed sexuality within your original post. You cannot do that. You don’t get to do that. You are free to reject and free to accept but you don’t get to choose.

Yeah, but I can say this shite because I’m old.

I am reliving my high school sexuality and it’s a blast.

I am reliving my 20’s sexuality and it’s a gas.

I am cultivating my seventh-decade sexuality and the fruit turns out to be is a slow-motion amalgamation of one year of lived and imagined sexuality followed by another.

One year may have seemed black and white and another year things may seem settled but, yes, there are all of those other years of doors opening and closing and to think that sexuality settles into a cozy niche is willing thinking.

In short, I agree with you, Patagonia.

I believe I asked for this thread to NOT become a debate about the realness of my relationship. Please respect that.

I also ask that it not also turn into another argument over whether or not sexual fetishes are tied to one's state of being. If you want to have said arguement, please make another thread dedicated to the subject matter.

Also, I feel that shaming my lifestyle (that of choosing to be monogamous) is counterproductive to this thread so I ask that you please refrain from doing that as well. Monogamy can and does work and can last for decades. My grandparents are living proof of this. They aren't wrong in anyway by being solely devoted to only eachother. Besides, if I went about stating that polygamy was wrong, this thread would have exploded into furious replies to that statement.

I think my issues have been resolved so if you have anything positive or supportive to say, I'd like to hear it. Other thoughts and ideas are best left absent from this thread.

ETA: My age is irrelevant. I'm legally an adult, been that way for years, and that's all you need to know.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

Artchic,

So... you didn’t come here to ask for advice but rather confirmation of your instinctual surety that you are on the path of righteousness and, with a single message, you have brought your friend to heel and all is righted, now?

With your question, you opened your relationship to the judgment of others. If you found my judgment of monogamy to be in error, that is open for discussion. Do you know the percentage of people in monogamous relationships that cheat? 60-70%. Yes, over half of those in monogamous relationships aren’t, well, in monogamous relationships. Monogamy is not the virtuous maiden that you would have her be. Oops, dear! I could not help my budgie falling into her! He forced himself on me, I swear!

We elderly folk - crepey and creepy - are still sexual and while I’m sure that your grandparent’s marriage is a fine thing, are you certain that neither ever strayed? The odds would say ‘probably’.

Your age is very relevant. You write as if this is your first relationship or, at least, the first relationship that you’ve had in which sex reared and roared. You write well but your writing betrays you as a whispy juvenile, ignorant of real world truths (and consequences).

Positive and supportive? You are telling me that a man-god - some Cronus in the hands of Uranus - walked upon water and you want me to give you positive support for believing such nonsense? No, I will not. I would rather throw lots in favor of fairies because there is a greater chance that fairies are real than monogamy.

You are satisfied, though, that your unreal expectations have been justified and that your forced suppression of your friend’s sexuality has been resolved in one message.

Eh. Keep believing in fairies and messiahs if you want. All has been resolved.

I am not a masochist. I have played that role for a sadist. I have not ever done that with any others.

I am just who I am. I have a wide rage of sexual behavior. I don't like being labelled. Patagonia, I am your age. I agree sexuality is always changing and growing.

Is it too much to ask that my wishes for this thread be respected? If they aren't respected any further, then I'm afraid I have no choice but to ask that this thread be locked.

Like I said before, all positive advice and encouragement are kindly welcome. If there are words that are wanting to be said that don't fall under the categories of "supportive", "postive" or "encouraging", please keep them to yourselves.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

It is unfair to start a post, "I need some advice" and then not accept, when people disagree.

I personally am not interested in bdsm or sado/masohism or any similar interactions. It would be out of the question for me. If my husband absolutely needed that or he’d be unsatisfied, I’d be out. Well we wouldn’t marry to begin with. But it just me. I understand that others who aren’t into this might t still try it for their partner. So if he absolutely must have it then you have some choices to make.

I didn't mind so much the disagreement, it was the rampant and downright infantile way I was being called out that really was unfair to me, as well as the way the thread became an argument between two members.

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

You asked for advice. The other member and I had different opinions. Maybe we got a little carried away, but I think we both gave you perspectives to consider. Ultimately you come across as though the only opinions you want are ones that agree with you. If you've already made up your mind about what you are willing to do, maybe closing this thread is for the best.

Yeah, maybe you're right. I've contacted the Admin and Mod team for further advice on the matter, and the thread sure has run it's course...

MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]

LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!