I'm afraid of sex? - Forums at Psych Central


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-06-2017, 10:59 PM #1
LiteraryLark's Avatar
LiteraryLark LiteraryLark is offline
♥Goddess of the Heart♥
 
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Cosmos
Posts: 10,613
LiteraryLark LiteraryLark is offline
♥Goddess of the Heart♥
LiteraryLark's Avatar
LiteraryLark finally on summer break!
 
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Cosmos
Posts: 10,613 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
976 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default I'm afraid of sex?

I have always had a fear of being naked, being touched, and having sex. I have a very high sex drive and I am very active with masturbating, I feel I could have no better partner than myself. I am the only person who can bring myself to climax, and no one I've been with have brought me even relatively close to climax. With guys, I just lie there until they are done. The few guys who've attempted to bring me to climax with....I grew bored and told them I was done and not even close. One guy who got closest to feeling good with oral I had to force him to stop because it tickled, yes, tickled. It wasn't a good feeling, not even a painful feeling, but it literally felt like I was being tickled. I cannot stimulate myself with fingers without generating that same tickling feeling, but if I use a pillow and blanket I can get there no trouble. Intercourse isn't painful, but it simply doesn't feel good. Intercourse does nothing for me. I cannot even bring myeslf to orgasm when using a dildo vaginally. I've never done a**l with a guy, but I do know that when masturbating with dildo it does feel good without the tickling feeling...if only my arm didn't grow tired. But I do enjoy using a vibrating butt plug, it's like a massage almost and that feels really, really good.

So what's wrong with me? I've never been abused or raped, but I just hate being touched (my parents commented how I've never enjoyed cuddling with them when I was younger) and nothing I've done with any of my partners have done me any justice. Never orgasmed with anyone and never came close to an inkling of feel good. Can't orgasm stimulating the clitoris with my fingers but I can with a blanket and a pillow which is the tried and true method, feel nothing good vaginally with a dildo, and my arms grow tired when I masturbate anally so I feel good with a**l but just not with a partner. I don't think it's the partner choice. I've had 8 partners and no one came close to feeling good, some were just awful. I feel like there is so much pressure on me when I have sex, but some of those people just wanted sex for their needs, no consideration of mine. But how am I supposed to have a partner I can only give oral to or maybe ana-l? What is wrong with me?
__________________
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

~Timothy 2:15
LiteraryLark is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 12-07-2017, 03:53 AM #2
bearguardian's Avatar
bearguardian bearguardian is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243
bearguardian bearguardian is offline
Poohbah
bearguardian's Avatar
bearguardian is realities per minute
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: arcturus
Posts: 1,243

2 yr Member
735 hugs
given
Default Re: I'm afraid of sex?

If you ask me, Nothing, just stay true to your spirit. Just because it deviates from other peoples norms doesnt make it wrong or anything.

I felt liberated realizing I was asexual and that I dont have to deal with pressure of dating and sex.

You seem to have a need for someone and thats another problem. That was my problem also, the need. I got rid of the need. You are obviously not me so I dont know what to say, maybe you just need to find the right person.
bearguardian is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-07-2017, 12:05 PM #3
Anonymous50909
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous50909
Guest
Anonymous50909 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: I'm afraid of sex?

Nothing is wrong with you. We are all made differently. Can I ask if you have tried different positions with men? Your position can make a huge difference. You could also have sex with the vibrating butt plug or vibrator in. **** sex is also awesome if you have a partner who is on board with that. As for orgasms, every woman is different and not every guy will be able to get you there. Consider for a moment that its not you, you just haven't met your match yet.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-07-2017, 12:42 PM #4
Vilatus's Avatar
Vilatus Vilatus is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Posts: 62
Vilatus Vilatus is offline
Member
Vilatus's Avatar
Vilatus has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Posts: 62

1 yr Member
Default Re: I'm afraid of sex?

Nothing is wrong with you. A few years ago, I felt exactly the same way. I'm not really sure what happened to make me feel differently, maybe you'll think differently in time, and maybe you won't, whatever. Nothing is wrong with you, some people just don't like and/or want sex. Also, it's normal for people with female anatomy to not be able to orgasm with only vaginal stimulation, only a small percentage actually can.

Also, have you considered that maybe you're asexual? You can be asexual with a high sex drive and still masturbate and be romantically attracted to others.
Vilatus is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-07-2017, 06:41 PM #5
Anonymous50909
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous50909
Guest
Anonymous50909 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: I'm afraid of sex?

There is nothing wrong with you. Women are not all the same. We are all very different when it comes to what feels good, bad, and what gets us off sexually. We are not men. Men are more predicable with what gets them off (**** stimulation). You also said that you've had some partners who were trying to get only their needs met. That is no fun at all for the woman.

In terms of the tickled feeling, I know for me, it might have something to do with the medication I take because I feel that way sometimes now, and many times like, the clit stimulation just doesn't feel that great anymore as much, because of my freak AD (though, I'm happy mood-wise now...freaking tradeoffs, grumble...). I'm not sure if its the same for you. I don't suggest going off your meds to find out though haha.

Have you ever been with someone where you've been incredibly comfortable with them, and you told them what it was you wanted sexually that would feel good? And just throwing this out there, you're young. Maybe you just haven't met the right person.

It sounds like you've discovered what makes you feel good: **** stimulation and sex, and stimulation of your clit through a blanket or pillow. And you've discovered what doesn't get your rocks off: clit stimulation with the fingers and vaginal sex. These are all good things to know and understand. LL, there is nothing wrong with you. You're a woman and sexual being who has specific and unique needs, just like the rest of us.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-08-2017, 08:54 PM #6
Anonymous50025
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous50025
Guest
Anonymous50025 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: I'm afraid of sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LiteraryLark View Post
I have always had a fear of being naked, being touched, and having sex. I have a very high sex drive and I am very active with masturbating, I feel I could have no better partner than myself. I am the only person who can bring myself to climax, and no one I've been with have brought me even relatively close to climax. With guys, I just lie there until they are done. The few guys who've attempted to bring me to climax with....I grew bored and told them I was done and not even close. One guy who got closest to feeling good with oral I had to force him to stop because it tickled, yes, tickled. It wasn't a good feeling, not even a painful feeling, but it literally felt like I was being tickled. I cannot stimulate myself with fingers without generating that same tickling feeling, but if I use a pillow and blanket I can get there no trouble. Intercourse isn't painful, but it simply doesn't feel good. Intercourse does nothing for me. I cannot even bring myeslf to orgasm when using a dildo vaginally. I've never done a**l with a guy, but I do know that when masturbating with dildo it does feel good without the tickling feeling...if only my arm didn't grow tired. But I do enjoy using a vibrating butt plug, it's like a massage almost and that feels really, really good.

So what's wrong with me? I've never been abused or raped, but I just hate being touched (my parents commented how I've never enjoyed cuddling with them when I was younger) and nothing I've done with any of my partners have done me any justice. Never orgasmed with anyone and never came close to an inkling of feel good. Can't orgasm stimulating the clitoris with my fingers but I can with a blanket and a pillow which is the tried and true method, feel nothing good vaginally with a dildo, and my arms grow tired when I masturbate anally so I feel good with a**l but just not with a partner. I don't think it's the partner choice. I've had 8 partners and no one came close to feeling good, some were just awful. I feel like there is so much pressure on me when I have sex, but some of those people just wanted sex for their needs, no consideration of mine. But how am I supposed to have a partner I can only give oral to or maybe ana-l? What is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you. If my experience has taught me anything it has taught me that every woman has a different path to climax.

Since you mention a**l sex, I’ll mention two different women who have used a**l in the past to achieve orgasm.

The first - gosh, this was in the 1970’s! - could only climax by simultaneous a**l/vaginal penetration. Sometimes - most of the time - that meant two partners although sometimes (again!) she could use a dildo (administered by her partner or, at times, by herself) either anally or vaginal with a single partner and achieve orgasms.

The problem with the above is that it breaks the laws of monogamy that the majority of people find sacrosanct. If you are amongst that crowd, then...

I have a friend who, golly!, for the past 25+ years, can only reach orgasm if her partner is engaging in penetrating her anally whilst she is stimulating her clitoris with a small bullet/Rabbit vibrator.

As to that ‘tickling’ feeling... I’ve had many female partners who could not climax because of the intensity of oral clitoral stimulation. They would describe the feeling as ‘too intense,’ ‘ticklish,’ or ‘aching/hurting,’ and would push me away. The solution for many of these women was to simply continue to ride the intense wave to climax or (I have no financial interest in vibrators!) use a small bullet/Rabbit clitoral vibrator whilst being anally penetrated by a partner.

These are just the ways in which two women that I know ‘solved’ their climaxing issues. I could recount dozens and dozens of others but, as you mentioned a**l, these two sprang immediately to mind.

You mention, um, ‘humping’ (I think?) pillows and the like. I assume that this practice means that you are climaxing due to clitoral stimulation? I feel as if I am a butt-plug connoisseur! Have you ever tried any of the LELO products? Or tried being penetrated by a partner with, for example, a vibrating butt plug in place? Is your current partner (if, indeed, you are monogamous?) open to experimentation in attempting to aid in your ability to climax? Are you open to experimentation?

I know of one method of arousal that can usually bring 90% of women to climax. It is a bit rough so I’ll not describe it here, but only say that it requires a partner and the severe use of the middle and ring fingers and a lot of lubricant.

Oh, you should try your pillow whilst being anally penetrated by your partner, if you can. You haven’t yet enjoyed a**l sex, I know, but you certainly seem to enjoy a**l stimulation. Just as having two partners at once requires coordination, so would the pillow-blanket/partner combination.

I’ve known so many women who say that they cannot climax, or that can only climax in very specific modes of masturbation. I don’t think that a full-fledged attack is the best way to ameliorate the ‘problem’ but rather in a fun and imaginative manner.

You do not like being naked? Try being a home-nudist, if you’re able. Don’t like being touched, or engaging in intercourse? Just do it. It is like treating phobias through exposure therapy. ‘Touch’ can feel good. ‘Sex’ can feel good. Intercourse can feel good (vaginally/anally or both at one time).

Oh, one other thing. Don’t continue to lie to your partners by telling them that you’ve climaxed when you have not. Doing that makes your less experienced partners carry a sense of misguided confidence and your more experienced partners will note the lack of specific physical reactions and, well, know that you’ve lied. In sex, as in most things, honesty is best.

I hope that you will use your imagination and find a way to climax with your partner(s) and to enjoy touch... and every type of intercourse. There is a large body of knowledge available via Google concerning the female climax...
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-08-2018, 10:27 AM #7
Loose Screw x 2 Loose Screw x 2 is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: The Depths of Sadness
Posts: 800
Loose Screw x 2 Loose Screw x 2 is offline
Grand Member
Loose Screw x 2 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: The Depths of Sadness
Posts: 800

1 yr Member
216 hugs
given
Default Re: I'm afraid of sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LiteraryLark View Post
I have always had a fear of being naked, being touched, and having sex. I have a very high sex drive and I am very active with masturbating, I feel I could have no better partner than myself. I am the only person who can bring myself to climax, and no one I've been with have brought me even relatively close to climax. With guys, I just lie there until they are done. The few guys who've attempted to bring me to climax with....I grew bored and told them I was done and not even close. One guy who got closest to feeling good with oral I had to force him to stop because it tickled, yes, tickled. It wasn't a good feeling, not even a painful feeling, but it literally felt like I was being tickled. I cannot stimulate myself with fingers without generating that same tickling feeling, but if I use a pillow and blanket I can get there no trouble. Intercourse isn't painful, but it simply doesn't feel good. Intercourse does nothing for me. I cannot even bring myeslf to orgasm when using a dildo vaginally. I've never done a**l with a guy, but I do know that when masturbating with dildo it does feel good without the tickling feeling...if only my arm didn't grow tired. But I do enjoy using a vibrating butt plug, it's like a massage almost and that feels really, really good.

So what's wrong with me? I've never been abused or raped, but I just hate being touched (my parents commented how I've never enjoyed cuddling with them when I was younger) and nothing I've done with any of my partners have done me any justice. Never orgasmed with anyone and never came close to an inkling of feel good. Can't orgasm stimulating the clitoris with my fingers but I can with a blanket and a pillow which is the tried and true method, feel nothing good vaginally with a dildo, and my arms grow tired when I masturbate anally so I feel good with a**l but just not with a partner. I don't think it's the partner choice. I've had 8 partners and no one came close to feeling good, some were just awful. I feel like there is so much pressure on me when I have sex, but some of those people just wanted sex for their needs, no consideration of mine. But how am I supposed to have a partner I can only give oral to or maybe ana-l? What is wrong with me?
Sorry for necro posting if I am but, I wanted to help out here if I could. This oversensitivity that you are experiencing like with the extreme ticklishness is that you have acutely sensitive nerve endings in this part of your body. This is why -gosh I feel so weird talking about this on a mental health forum- the clitoris moves itself under the hood during hightened arousal and/or stimulation is to reduce sensitivity to prevent overstimulation. All this is is that you are extra sensitive in this area. Some people are this way all over even to the point that gargelesis (tickling with pressure) is painful for them and can only endure knismesis (light touch tickling) and then there are some people who just hate the sensation of tickle period. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. It's probably just genetic but, that's not to say that there couldn't be something psycological there as well. Were you ever excessively tickled when you were younger by someone who wouldn't stop when they should have? This could be related to these feelings as well.
I hope this helps and I'm sorry that you can't obtain the pleasures you seek through penetration. I can talk about the human nervous system all day long but, I am by no means a sex therapist.
Loose Screw x 2 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:20 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.