Ocd around sexuality is driving me mad. Depressed - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 12-09-2017, 05:15 PM #1
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Default Ocd around sexuality is driving me mad. Depressed

This obsession with my sexuality has caused nothing but stress. It's like I'm not sure who or what I am anymore, despite my past and present.

Now I'm over thinking whether i had hidden atttactions or i have been blissfully ignorant of being gay.

This all started in April when, funny enough, I was on a site (a place I frequented) that had lots of pornographic images of women and suddenly I started to feel a pressure in my throat almost similar to nausea but more akin an anxious feeling or reflex but without the anxiety. Since then every attractive girl Iíve come across brings about the same reflex. Itís like I notice a girl then it happens. Therefore, I have since been obsessing about whether Iím losing attraction to girls. It is more this reflex throat feeling meaning that Iím almost allergic to attractive girls that worries me.

Funny enough, I've slept with about three women between August and November. I was quite drunk each time, but did not really come across any problems, other than taking long to come butthat is usually the alcohol. I sometimes overthink whether I was going through the motions. That in itself did not make sense as it time escalated mutually, but you can understand how I would split hairs.

Since then, I started checking if I liked guys (looking at guys and googling to see if I felt a reaction). I am considering taking a break from porn, as it's reached a point where vanilla does not do it much for me.

Spike warining:
To make things worse i have been going on forums to check coming out stories and all it's filled with is men who didn't realise it until a big trigger then suddenly they are not only gay but see all thr signs in the past. I'm not sure what to do, when I'm out and i see a dude I over think whether or not it is attraction.

Girls I feel indifferent towards at the moment and worry if it's due to some trigger as if I never was attracted to women im the first place. But it just doesn't make sense. I must admit i have had bi-curious thoughts like acts, but it was more the taboo that gave a slight thrill. I don't intend on acting on it. But even that worries me like it's some sort of entry into becoming gay.

Excuse the length I'm highly stressed.
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Old 12-10-2017, 02:21 PM #2
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Smile Re: Ocd around sexuality is driving me mad. Depressed

Hello Linoahs: I'm sorry I can't really comment on this directly. The one observation I can offer, I guess, is that I myself have had a life-long struggle with gender identity issues. (I'm an older person now.) And the one conclusion I've come to, based on that life-long struggle, is that things relating to gender identity & sexual orientation are extremely confusing. And trying to sort it all out can be like going down the rabbit hole, so to speak. (At least it has been for me. I know it's not necessarily like that for everyone.) I would guess that having a good therapist who has experience working with these kinds of issues may help. This was something that was not available to me way back when it would have made any difference. But perhaps it might be of some value to you, if you're not yet seeing someone.

Anyway... I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

P.S. Over the time I've been here on PC (& this is my second time around) I've read quite a few posts written by members who had become hooked on porn. And I have to say that my personal impression is it is really bad stuff. It's like throwing gasoline on the proverbial fire, as the saying goes. I suppose part of my reaction is simply related to the fact that I'm gettin' old. But my recommendation would be, since you're already struggling with these sexual orientation issues, try to steer clear of the porn.
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Old 12-18-2017, 07:08 PM #3
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Default Re: Ocd around sexuality is driving me mad. Depressed

Thanks Skeezyks, I thought this thread was overlooked. I will introduce myself in the welcome section
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