How to Address "No Sex" in a Relationship?

I have no interest in sex outside of masturbating, although I do enjoy the male anatomy. As I've said in another thread, I'm afraid of sex, it's not pleasurable, and I feel obligated to have sex if I were to be in a relationship just to keep the other half happy. I am very doubtful the other half could make me happy sexually. How could I be in a relationship with someone if I don't want sex? And what if I want to have sex at one point, aka, change my mind? How do I discuss this topic in a romantic relationship? It feels silly just to say "I'm only comfortable giving oral, not receiving, not intercourse, and maybe/maybe not ****?" It seems ridiculous to say that, so I might as well just say, "No sex, because I'm just not into sex"....but how do I even say that? Guys won't stay with me if they know I don't want sex, and what if a guy says he'll wait, and I'll be with him knowing he's waitingx?

I'm so confused. Should I be even thinking these thoughts at all?

Is it even worth being in a relationship if sex is not involved? At that point, wouldn't it just be a friendship?

I've thought a bit about this wondering what response I should give. First of all do I believe you can have a relationship without sex? Absolutely. I have a friend who is a quadriplegic and he's been married for years. They love each other very much even though he is unable to have sex.

Second I think you just need to be open and honest with your future partner. It is not necessarily a deal breaker. I believe the right person will love you for you.

Third you have no way of predicting what the future will bring. Maybe your next partner is the one who changes everything for you. Maybe you experiment in bed and find things that drive you both wild. There are so many variables.

You can't change who you are to please other people. Just be yourself.

Maybe we need to redefine what sex is? I've never felt comfortable with the whole idea of reducing sex to a guy putting his penis in a vagina. It's ridiculous when you put it that way. Surely sex is everything that goes on within specific mutually agreed boundaries between people who love or at least lust for each other doing whatever they choose to define as 'having sex'? So it could be any of the things you have defined as 'not sex' - including mutual masturbation, voyeurism, foreplay, afterplay, play with toys, oral, touching or not touching, virtual, male, female, all shades in between and totally non binary and whatever one's state of ability/disability.

This really spoke to me, because I don't know what the future will bring. Maybe truly loving someone brings that sense of ease that I don't get with people who don't love me. Maybe love truly is a game changer. I just don't know.

You make a good point. With masturbating, I'll have a fantasy foreplay with myself all day, spend the day dreaming about sex, and then when the house is quite and I have time for myself, it brings me to a decent orgasm. But again, I have the pillow and blanket and can't bring myself to orgasm with fingering or dildos inserted vaginally or anally (anally only because my arm gets tired before I can orgasm).

I wouldn’t lump all men into one category that they all want sex. I don’t think that’s fair. Or saying that you’ll never wanto have sex in the future. That’s not fair either. Imho.
If you start a relationship you can put your cards on the table & say what you want. Hopefully a partner would do the same.
There’s MANY sexless relationships...id say a lot of those are married couples lol.

Hi LL,
Just want to say that I think you are absolutely more than entitled to think this way and to define for yourself what you desire *and* change that however and whenever you want. Might it be difficult to find someone who's compatible with how you like things? Yes, perhaps. You're in a minority, I think it's pretty safe to say, and perhaps a small minority. And not to minimize it--this is definitely an issue that would be make-or-break for many. But for example I'm a hetero guy and my preferences very closely match yours. Men are far more varied than either women or men are led to believe. And hey, the internet makes it easier to find others with one's particular preferences than has ever been the case in human history (case in point, this website) Anyway, just want to encourage you to "Do You"--and I guess I mean for you to take that in any senses you care to -cs

You can definitely find guys who will be ok with what youre seeking.

I identify as asexual. I don't want sex either. I've done some reading on it, and I found out there are people who are asexual but are romantic. (There are also those who are asexual and aromantic. I assume sexual and aromantic is also possible) They want a romantic relationship, just not a sexual.
I think what you mean by friendship is a platonic relationship. There's a difference between platonic and romantic. Not sure what it is.. but I think platonic is wanting to be together and romantic being happy staring into each other's eyes for hours or something?

By the way - I prefer to say "I identify as asexual" rather than "I am asexual" because really, how can I know what I am? Maybe it will come some day (I'm 20 now, but it's known people with autism sometimes enter adolescence later than those without autism), maybe I'm not biologically asexual but just traumatized, maybe it's because I got physically sick at 12 and by the time I got better (after my leg amputation age 15) I was suffering from depression, severe PTSD and taking a lot of medications (first for the physical, now for the mental) and I just haven't had time to busy myself with that yet? Who knows. So I just say, "I identify as asexual". And if in ten years I feel differently, I'll say "I identify as sexual" or homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual or ..

By the way, AVEN - the Asexuality Visuality and Education Network - says that you can be asexual at one point and then ten year later be some-kind-of-sexual.
They also say asexuality is a spectrum - ranging from people with very limited sexual interest, gray-asexuals, demisexuals (the latter need an emotional connection before they can become physically attracted), and people with no sexual interest at all. There's asexuals who masturbate and those who don't. There's asexuals who think sex is OK as long as they don't have to do it, and there's asexuals who think sex is icky. Asexuals who use toys, those who use porn, those who use both, those who use none.
It's a spectrum.

I'm not saying you are asexual or are on the spectrum, just saying you might find some information on relationships between asexuals useful, or relationships between an asexual and a sexual person.

AVEN has a lot of information. In particular, here's a "Relationship FAQ" about having a relationship when one or both is asexual:
Relationship FAQ | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org

I agree with the above post by Breadfish, but....isn’t ALL SEX on a spectrum? Doesn’t everyone change? Our sexual preferences change with time too. Change is constant.
I’d also like to point out that OP seems to have developed a “habit” or cycle for masturbating. We do what is comfortable & produces results for us. Satisfaction.
The same cycle, with no change, can also result in boredom.
It’s classic conditioning which can happen in our sex lives too. Trying different things can break this conditioning & broaden our satisfaction....if we’re willing to try.

Well I know there are men out there whom share this, intimacy comes in many forms. I'm sure you can find someone who shares this, as long as your open and honest and they in turn can be honest with you.
Sex isn't everything, I personally believe sex can make connections worse because of all the other emotions that accompany the act. Love and sex are different.

Perhaps an open-ended relationship if not?
I suppose it just boils down to what you expect out of a relationship and whatever the other person wants. Love is full of sacrifice on both ends and that's what people struggle with is the give and take. Don't worry so much, just be yourself and make your boundaries clear, and demand open honesty with whom ever you enter a relationship with.
I'm not to sure how to answer this other then that.
I wish you luck and peace.