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Old 12-23-2017, 01:02 PM #11
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Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

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Originally Posted by Carmina View Post
OK tbh he doesn't really sound so much "sub" as just lacking in confidence and needing you to take the lead. I'm not so sure he is really into bdsm so much as just inexperienced and unsure what he is really into yet apart from playing out some fantasies perhaps (which I guess is why he's making suggestions). Been in that situation myself.
I think you may be onto something. He is about as much of a virgin as you can be. He hasn't so much as held hands with a woman he's attracted to.
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Old 12-23-2017, 07:21 PM #12
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Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

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I'm not really an expert here, but to be honest if you don't enjoy dominating there might not be much you can do to "mesh" your preferences, as you say. I think for most people a lot of the appeal comes when your partner is enjoying him/herself.

But if you want to try my suggestion would be to tell your partner that it's distracting to have him giving you orders in the middle of sex and instead talk beforehand about what he would be interested in you doing, and then try implementing those specific things.
The have never met.
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Old 12-23-2017, 07:52 PM #13
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Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

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The have never met.
While we haven't met in person, we aren't total strangers.
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Old 12-24-2017, 06:56 AM #14
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Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Usually one tries to find a middle ground. Here though I think you are saying that any domination is triggering for you. If it seems that you cannot change that, what are the chances of him changing what he wants?
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Old 12-24-2017, 09:07 AM #15
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Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Maybe you could see a professional, such as a sex therapist. I think they often see people in situations like yours - where it just doesn't mesh. Or if you don't want to involve him with that just yet/he doesn't want to go/you think he doesn't want to go, you can talk to one yourself. See if he/she has some ideas. It's always your choice whether you implement them.

Maybe he could make a list of things he'd like or is 'into' (he can write down: I'd like to be handcuffed and hog-tied with silk neckties, and you know: oh, I can do that. He can also just write down: I'd like to be restrained, and then you can decide whether to go for handcuffs or silk ties or just plain old hemp rope).

What little I've read about BDSM and stuff like that is that it's always a good idea to have a contract put in place.. the person submitting says: "I don't want that at all" "I don't think I want that either" "I only want x after y or only want x if z happens afterwards" (Just inventing something an example.. I only want you to order me to undress if you've also taken off part of your clothes, or: I only want you to order me to undress if you're going to get naked shortly after), and "I'd like x, y and z/I'm interested in x, y and z".
Then the dominating person writes his or her piece. If both agree, both sign.

I'll send you a PM with a link to a short story (only a few pages) I read about it once.
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Old 12-31-2017, 02:12 PM #16
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Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

If I understand this situation from other threads, you both havenít met correct?
Isnít this ďputting the cart before the horseĒ type situation?
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Old 01-01-2018, 06:43 PM #17
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Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

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If I understand this situation from other threads, you both havenít met correct?
Isnít this ďputting the cart before the horseĒ type situation?
No, it isnt. We have to figure this out now so that when we meet up irl we will be all set.
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Old 01-01-2018, 06:57 PM #18
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Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

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No, it isnt. We have to figure this out now so that when we meet up irl we will be all set.


Okay, Iím just making sure I have this all correct. You havenít met IRL yet? He want you to dominate but you are not into extreme domination, correct?

So hereís the thing. Sex feels VERY VERY different in real life than you can fantasize about. Something you think you might like, you might not. Or something you think you wonít like, you might.

With that in mind, what I would do is take things slow, and as they progress add in what youíre comfortable with. Just slowly at first. Then maybe add the handcuffs. Then go from there. He might feel thatís enough for him right now. Or you might be surprised and you might want to be more dominate when youíre put in the real position of doing so. The point is, you wonít know until youíre actually living it. So relax, sit back, and enjoy the ride. Take things as they come.
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Old 01-01-2018, 07:46 PM #19
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Default How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Artchic528 View Post
No, it isnt. We have to figure this out now so that when we meet up irl we will be all set.


ďYouíll be all set?Ē This sounds like an odd way to approach sex. All set for what?
How about basic companionship, how you interact in the same space, the feeling of having another human in your surroundings etc.
To me, IMHO, are you meeting just for sex or for the possibility of an actual relationship? I only ask bec youíve stated that you canít/wonít leave this person bec you think itíll kill him. To me that sounds like a trap & this person has all the control. So basically thatís total power exchange.
If this is going to be an actual real life relationship sex is only a part of that.

This may sound old fashion, but why donít you meet each other face to face in a 3D world before you hammer the intimate details in the bedroom. Like hold hands....kiss.
I hope you find that chemistry you want.
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