How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship? - Forums at Psych Central


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-22-2017, 08:57 PM #1
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 is doing self care...
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

I'm struggling with my boyfriend on the domination thing. He wants me to dominate, but always says what I should be doing. Not a very good sub, if you ask me.

Moreso the problem is that I don't like domination. I'm only a little bit kinky when it comes to sex. I would like to tie him with handcuffs to the bedposts, but that's as kinky as I can get.

Now, the things I'm not willing to do are to leave him (that would kill him), or break the monogamy in our relationship. So, no "open" relationship suggestions please. I don't even know why that would even be a suggestion to begin with. It's such a stupid idea for me. I'm a very possessive and jealous person. It wouldn't be a good idea at all. Besides, the idea of some other woman getting her paws on him just upsets me to no end.

What I want is a way to mesh our sexual desires so that both of us have fun and enjoy each other and the deep emotional experience of making love.

Any helpful suggestions on how to go about this?
__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!

Last edited by Artchic528; 12-22-2017 at 10:10 PM.
Artchic528 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 09:44 PM #2
broche1 broche1 is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 5
broche1 broche1 is offline
New Member
broche1 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 5

1 yr Member
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Artchic528 View Post
I'm struggling with my boyfriend on the domination thing. He wants me to dominate, but always says what I should be doing. Not a very good sub, if you ask me.

Moreso the problem is that I don't like domination. I'm only a little bit kinky when it comes to sex. I would like to tie him with handcuffs to the bedposts, but that's as kinky as I can get.

Now, the things I'm not willing to do are to leave him, or break the monogamy in our relationship. So, no "open" relationship suggestions please. I don't even know why that would even be a suggestion to begin with. It's such a stupid idea for me. I'm a very possessive and jealous person. It wouldn't be a good idea at all. Besides, the idea of some other woman getting her paws on him just upsets me to no end.

What I want is a way to mesh our sexual desires so that both of us have fun and enjoy each other and the deep emotional experience of making love.

Any helpful suggestions on how to go about this?
Has he asked you for specific things to be done and that isn't enjoyable to you?
broche1 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 10:38 PM #3
key tones's Avatar
key tones key tones is offline
espressivo
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: On hiatus
Posts: 3,359
key tones key tones is offline
espressivo
key tones's Avatar
key tones - vivace
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: On hiatus
Posts: 3,359 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
5,048 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Dan Savage runs a column in the Stranger that addresses these issues pretty regularly. He’s smart and funny to boot. If you google a few key words, you’ll find some advice there.

If I remember correctly, he really is the one that is going to be controlling the situation.
__________________
—KT

The crisis text and phone numbers are at the top of the Depression forum in the gentle reminder. Here is a link to various crisis hotline numbers:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-...phone-numbers/
key tones is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 10:44 PM #4
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 is doing self care...
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by key tones View Post
Dan Savage runs a column in the Stranger that addresses these issues pretty regularly. He’s smart and funny to boot. If you google a few key words, you’ll find some advice there.

If I remember correctly, he really is the one that is going to be controlling the situation.
What key words should I be googling, exactly? I tried Savage's column and it got me nowhere. Google also got me nowhere.

I do appreciate you trying to help though. I'm just frustrated is all.
__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
Artchic528 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 11:04 PM #5
key tones's Avatar
key tones key tones is offline
espressivo
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: On hiatus
Posts: 3,359
key tones key tones is offline
espressivo
key tones's Avatar
key tones - vivace
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: On hiatus
Posts: 3,359 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
5,048 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Try putting this in google: The Stranger column Dan Savage BDSM
__________________
—KT

The crisis text and phone numbers are at the top of the Depression forum in the gentle reminder. Here is a link to various crisis hotline numbers:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-...phone-numbers/
key tones is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-22-2017, 11:11 PM #6
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 is doing self care...
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by key tones View Post
Try putting this in google: The Stranger column Dan Savage BDSM
Thanks, but I really can't get into his sense of humor. It irks me. Therefore, I gave up on his column.

Any other ideas? Anyone? I just want to mesh our sexual styles together into something beautiful is all.
__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
Artchic528 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-23-2017, 07:50 AM #7
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
Artchic528 Artchic528 is offline
Supreme Artisan
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 is doing self care...
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
218 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Anyone? I need advice!
__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
Artchic528 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-23-2017, 08:06 AM #8
Carmina's Avatar
Carmina Carmina is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: A Growlery in the UK
Posts: 1,137
Carmina Carmina is offline
Poohbah
Carmina's Avatar
Carmina has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: A Growlery in the UK
Posts: 1,137

1 yr Member
127 hugs
given
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

OK tbh he doesn't really sound so much "sub" as just lacking in confidence and needing you to take the lead. I'm not so sure he is really into bdsm so much as just inexperienced and unsure what he is really into yet apart from playing out some fantasies perhaps (which I guess is why he's making suggestions). Been in that situation myself.
Carmina is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-23-2017, 08:43 AM #9
Nix's Avatar
Nix Nix is online now
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: May 2015
Location: NY
Posts: 740
Nix Nix is online now
Veteran Member
Nix's Avatar
Nix has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2015
Location: NY
Posts: 740

3 yr Member
36 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

I'm not really an expert here, but to be honest if you don't enjoy dominating there might not be much you can do to "mesh" your preferences, as you say. I think for most people a lot of the appeal comes when your partner is enjoying him/herself.

But if you want to try my suggestion would be to tell your partner that it's distracting to have him giving you orders in the middle of sex and instead talk beforehand about what he would be interested in you doing, and then try implementing those specific things.
Nix is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-23-2017, 09:15 AM #10
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna unaluna is online now
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 30,752
unaluna unaluna is online now
Elder Harridan x-hankster
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna - Lee Van Cleef fangirl
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 30,752 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
41.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How to mesh different sexual preferences in a relationship?

Holy cow. I am so glad i didnt know anything about sex when i was young. All i knew was that kissing felt good, then as i got older and things progressed around the "bases", they got more interesting. More finesse was involved. And a lot of backrubs. And frontrubs.

This sounds like, idk, i play football and he plays rugby - what are we gonna do?! I didnt know there were rules in sex. i thought you just got a little drunk, started kissing, and got into it. Has it changed while ive been away?
unaluna is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:38 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.