What to do??

I hope I can land this topic in this forum without it being moved. It involves sexual questions mostly, then mentioning porn, religion, relationships and schizoaffective.

When I was younger I got addicted to porn, I think as a manic way to handle my stress (I have schizoaffective disorder), and now I am in recovery for porn addiction. I have a girlfriend, and we occasionally have sex. But I'm joining church where their (and my) convictions are to stay sexually pure until marriage. That would mean no masturbation or porn, no sex with the girlfriend, in other words no illicit sex until marriage.

I've got a desire to be as spiritual as anyone else, and I don't follow traditional religious views because I think my spiritual experience is beyond religion. But I have my own convictions of staying pure, too, until marriage. But the sexual urges get too difficult to control. So I constantly violate my own convictions because I can't figure out how to give up sex.

You might say, "Then marry her," but she works and I am disabled, with lots of expensive meds, and she is a little afraid of not being able to take care of me. Marrying screws with my insurance, and neither of us are crazy about messing with that. I do love her. And she loves me.

Why is life so hard? There doesn't seem to be a solution.

Would an unofficial marriage be enough? A civil ceremony? Maybe marry just in the church, not for the court? (It's not possible in my country I think - you have to be legally married before you can get church married, but it might be different where you are)

It may have to come to a civil marriage or one in church. But I'd have to join a different church, because they don't do marriages where you don't legalize it in a court.

The easiest solution I think is to marry her. Otherwise you have a decision to make. If your spiritual convictions are that strong, you need to stop betraying your faith. Or you decide that you that there is some flexibility and you can forgive yourself for your perceived imperfections.

I do not share your beliefs so I can't say what I would do. However continuously making the same choice and beating yourself up for it doesn't seem like a good option. Good luck.

I think the easiest solution is not to go to a church that shames you into thinking sex is wrong.

This thread is very confusing to me I think bec it has several extremes going from one end of the spectrum to the other.

Personally I don’t understand the desire to join such a church which sounds like it’s based on sex guidelines???? Ummm where’s the “faith” & “god” part. Sorry, it sounds prepackaged to me to make humans conform to sex rules. Imho.

You speak of joining this church, then say you’re as spiritual as anyone else (not sure who that is...) yet you don’t follow “traditional” views.
What’s “traditional? Why are you comparing your views to what you think others in society view?
Why are you joining this church? Does it teach anything about forgiveness? Happiness? The golden rule?

Then you say you wanto stay “pure”, until marriage, whatever that means...bec you said earlier you have sex w/your GF.

WTH I can’t follow this thread bec I’m not sure you even know what you’re own ethics are. Sorry I just don’t understand.