advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Ethan33
Junior Member
Ethan33 It's only a flesh wound!
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 24
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Jan 12, 2018 at 05:45 PM
  #21
Quote:
Originally Posted by refractedlight View Post
My husband had a short bout of struggling with ED a year ago. He's in his forties. We tried Cialis and such, but it was expensive and I was worried about regular use of those. So he bought a bunch of herbal supplements and they have worked really well. No problems whatsoever either getting or sustaining an erection in the past year, even with drinking, which used to always be an issue for him. I think he takes L-arginine.
Thanks for replying.

You say he takes L-arginine. Was this the herbal suppl. or was that something else?
Ethan33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Mike_J
Infamous Vampire Duck
Community Liaison
 
Mike_J's Avatar
Mike_J has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2009
Location: Mid West
Posts: 12,742 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
961 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 18, 2018 at 04:27 PM
  #22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ethan33 View Post
Thanks Mike.
My anxiety is not very acute. It is more like an 'under the radar' thing, that effects my sense of self, and most importantly - needing an erection when with a woman, and not having one.

Does Xanax help you get erections more easily?
It helps me not worry about getting/keeping one, and when I worry about that it either doesn't happen or goes away.

__________________
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
Mike_J is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Ethan33
PerryJeffJoeJimBob
Member
 
PerryJeffJoeJimBob's Avatar
PerryJeffJoeJimBob What did you say about no more coffee?
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 104
10 yr Member
34 hugs
given
Default Jan 20, 2018 at 10:39 PM
  #23
I have seen a Surrogate Partner (new term for Sex Surrogate). It did wonders for me. I was too nervous and shy with women at the beginning. If you still refer back to your post here I can help with any questions.

And note, if you go this route you must also be seeing a therapist or other professional. If a surrogate sees you without one it is prostitution and illegal. And don't think it is an easy to to pay way for sex, because you will likely be screened out at the beginning. And an escort or similar would be MUCH cheaper.

__________________
"I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much."

Suicidal Ideation, Severe GAD, Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, Sexual Dysfunction, CEN, mild OCD

Bupropion 450 mg
Buspirone 60 mg
Trazodone 200 mg
Effexor 225 mg

PerryJeffJoeJimBob is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3, Ethan33
Bill3
Legendary
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,923
15 yr Member
24.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 20, 2018 at 11:00 PM
  #24
The Sessions is a film about a disabled man’s decision to hire a sex surrogate.
Bill3 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Ethan33
Ethan33
Junior Member
Ethan33 It's only a flesh wound!
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 24
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Jan 24, 2018 at 04:53 PM
  #25
Quote:
Originally Posted by PerryJoeJimBob View Post
I have seen a Surrogate Partner (new term for Sex Surrogate). It did wonders for me. I was too nervous and shy with women at the beginning. If you still refer back to your post here I can help with any questions.

And note, if you go this route you must also be seeing a therapist or other professional. If a surrogate sees you without one it is prostitution and illegal. And don't think it is an easy to to pay way for sex, because you will likely be screened out at the beginning. And an escort or similar would be MUCH cheaper.
Many thanks for posting.

Did your therapist have to be in the same room when you had sex with your surrogate?

Also, have you also used Escorts - and if so, were they helpful?
Ethan33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Ethan33
Junior Member
Ethan33 It's only a flesh wound!
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 24
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Jan 24, 2018 at 04:57 PM
  #26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike_J View Post
It helps me not worry about getting/keeping one, and when I worry about that it either doesn't happen or goes away.
I see, Xanax stops you from worrying too much.

Have you taken anything else that has the same 'no worrying' effect?
Ethan33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PerryJeffJoeJimBob
Member
 
PerryJeffJoeJimBob's Avatar
PerryJeffJoeJimBob What did you say about no more coffee?
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 104
10 yr Member
34 hugs
given
Default Jan 27, 2018 at 07:18 PM
  #27
No, therapist was not in same room. I would see her in her office, usually following a surrogate session (for my convenience ). I would see the surrogate at a seperate location. In the beginning; if the therapist was in the same room I doubt I would even be able to get and maintain an erection.

But if the opportunity were to present itself now my "little buddy" would probably explode from the pressure of being with both ladies.

I have not been with an "escort" since my Navy days. I have considered seeing one to see how I have improved. I still have the problem of shyness meeting women. But I have found it hard to not try something with my female friends, but I don't want to risk their friendship.

There are some escorts that have gone through the official surrogate partner therapy offered through IPSA. But just because one can have sex does not qualify them as a trained and certified surrogate. I would imagine the training was too difficult or more involved than they imagined it would be. My surrogate partner is very well educated, and I think she would be a great psychotherapist if she wished. My surrogateartner needed about six sessions before I was even able to touch her breasts. I was beginning to question if I was really being given treatment or wasting my money. But then things begin to fall into place.

And with escorts there is the whole legal issue. Prostitution is illegal. Surrogate Partner Therapy, while not codified legal, has been accepted in a few states as medical treatment provided a licensed therapist is supervising.

__________________
"I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much."

Suicidal Ideation, Severe GAD, Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, Sexual Dysfunction, CEN, mild OCD

Bupropion 450 mg
Buspirone 60 mg
Trazodone 200 mg
Effexor 225 mg


Last edited by PerryJeffJoeJimBob; Jan 27, 2018 at 07:41 PM..
PerryJeffJoeJimBob is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Ethan33
Ethan33
Junior Member
Ethan33 It's only a flesh wound!
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 24
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Feb 01, 2018 at 08:02 AM
  #28
Quote:
Originally Posted by PerryJoeJimBob View Post
... My surrogateartner needed about six sessions before I was even able to touch her breasts. I was beginning to question if I was really being given treatment or wasting my money. But then things begin to fall into place.
Thanks for feedback on this. I see that the surrogate sessions have to take some time before you engage physically in a sexual way.

I think in the UK it could cost £720 for one 3 hour session.
Ethan33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
amicus_curiae
Grand Member
 
amicus_curiae's Avatar
amicus_curiae Me. As an undergrad. Not a good likeness. But me, nonetheless.
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: I wish they all could be California gurls...
Posts: 992
5 yr Member
79 hugs
given
Default Feb 01, 2018 at 12:27 PM
  #29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ethan33 View Post
Thanks for feedback on this. I see that the surrogate sessions have to take some time before you engage physically in a sexual way.

I think in the UK it could cost £720 for one 3 hour session.
I’ve posted previously so if it shows up someday, fine. If not, maybe this short post will make it through.

I have friends and acquaintances that work as escorts. I’m not sure if you’re near a larger city or sequestered in a lonely county outpost in the UK. If you’re near a city you may want to find escorts nearby. I don’t recommend an escort service - look for self-employeed/self-assured women who detail (within legal reason) what they offer and at what price (generally non-negotionable).

£720 should buy more time with an escort. I’ve spent time with a woman recommended by acquaintances - paying them for sex would have been too weird! - back when my libido made a comeback and erections became troubling. My biggest fear was that I would not be able to have and give pleasure because of my major handicap. Cindy. She didn’t flinch when seeing me but rather made a remark akin to ‘we have some work to do!’

She was great. At 37, she was older than many girls, but she was very much one of my four ‘types’ (short, blonde, slender, fit, no surgical enhancements, small breasts - Jeepers!) and she put me at ease straightaway. Comfortable. She made me feel comfortable.

I know nothing of sex surrogacy. Sounds a bit fishy to me.

__________________
amicus_curiae

Contrarian, esq.
Hypergraphia

Someone must be right; it may as well be me.

I used to be smart but now I’m just stupid.
—Donnie Smith—
amicus_curiae is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PerryJeffJoeJimBob
Member
 
PerryJeffJoeJimBob's Avatar
PerryJeffJoeJimBob What did you say about no more coffee?
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 104
10 yr Member
34 hugs
given
Default Feb 01, 2018 at 07:42 PM
  #30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ethan33 View Post
Thanks for feedback on this. I see that the surrogate sessions have to take some time before you engage physically in a sexual way.

I think in the UK it could cost £720 for one 3 hour session.
What is £720 in U.S. dollars? $1,000? Sounds expensive. When I started seeing mine she was an intern and thus charged $90/hr. She is now a certified surrogate partner and her fee has increased substantially.

And I don't know how some meds affect one's erection. My psychiatrist has selected meds that have minimal negative effects on erections.

And ED meds (cialis, viagra) are not foolproof. I could take cialis and have a rock-hard erection, but when we were intimate together if my brain decided to pay attention and think about what was happening I would lose my erection and may not be able to convince my little buddy to stand at attention.

__________________
"I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much."

Suicidal Ideation, Severe GAD, Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, Sexual Dysfunction, CEN, mild OCD

Bupropion 450 mg
Buspirone 60 mg
Trazodone 200 mg
Effexor 225 mg


Last edited by PerryJeffJoeJimBob; Feb 01, 2018 at 08:21 PM..
PerryJeffJoeJimBob is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
winter loneliness
Grand Member
 
winter loneliness's Avatar
winter loneliness fine
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: barren wasteland
Posts: 988
5 yr Member
209 hugs
given
Default Feb 01, 2018 at 08:54 PM
  #31
He you tried a bit of alcohol (not too much) just to relax you. Or marijuana? i love get stoned before sex.

__________________
"I get knocked down, but I get up again..."

Bipolar 1
winter loneliness is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Artchic528
Supreme Artisan
 
Artchic528's Avatar
Artchic528 is doing self care...
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 6,618
8 yr Member
205 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Feb 05, 2018 at 12:28 AM
  #32
I'd advise against substance usage, like drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana, before sex. It actually increases impotence in males.

__________________


MY BLOG IS NOW CONVENIENTLY LOCATED HERE!!
[UPDATED: 4/30/2017]


LIFE IS TOO SHORT, TOO VALUABLE AND TOO PRECIOUS A THING TO WASTE!!
Artchic528 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PerryJeffJoeJimBob
Member
 
PerryJeffJoeJimBob's Avatar
PerryJeffJoeJimBob What did you say about no more coffee?
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 104
10 yr Member
34 hugs
given
Default Feb 08, 2018 at 12:32 AM
  #33
I think alcohol was a factor in helping my "problems" to germinate. Because of the alcohol my erections were unreliable, and could never orgasm. Because of this performance anxiety reared its ugly head. Then after years of not found anything my brain convinced me I just couldn't have.

Now, after working with the surrogate I can orgasm at times, but more importantly I became confident that I could please my partner at least digitally or orally. Considering my difficulty at touching the surrogate at first, I am so pleased to now give my partner orgasms each time. I am like a diffidrrent person now. These skills have moved into my personal life.

As for marijuana, I have tried CBD but it hasan't haf much effect yet. But I was at a low CBD dose. I plan to get a higher CBD concentrate next time with a small amount of THC. I want to find the strengths to get loose and relaxed, but not too high. Too much THC would likely send me into an high anxiety state.

At least in Calfornia I can legally experiment. But with the price of cialis and marijuana I may not be able to afford the intimate pleasures.

__________________
"I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much."

Suicidal Ideation, Severe GAD, Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, Sexual Dysfunction, CEN, mild OCD

Bupropion 450 mg
Buspirone 60 mg
Trazodone 200 mg
Effexor 225 mg

PerryJeffJoeJimBob is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PerryJeffJoeJimBob
Member
 
PerryJeffJoeJimBob's Avatar
PerryJeffJoeJimBob What did you say about no more coffee?
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 104
10 yr Member
34 hugs
given
Default Mar 07, 2018 at 01:33 AM
  #34
It sounds like a surrogate may be more beneficial. I considered having sex with an escort, but decided it wouldn't help if it was a mental issue(s). Plus, the fact I have a physical disability complicates matters. The surrogate is trained in many aspects regarding sex. You would be surprised that the majority of surrogates have Master's Degrees in "normal" life. My surrogate is almost like another therapist. They will spend much of the first sessions just getting you comfortable with touching, emotions, and communications. And the therapist and surrogate will come up with an agenda for the sessions. The agenda will depend on what they believe is necessary. And not always will it involve intercourse. Some surrogates will not do intercourse or oral sex in their sessions. I was lucky (??) that both ladies determined I needed all the benefits of the surrogate's skills. If you go the surrogate route make sure the surrogate is certified by (IPSA in U.S., ICASA elsewhere). You will also need a therapist that will work with a surrogate. Also, but I am not certain, in the UK I think the surrogate and therapist can be the same person.

__________________
"I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much."

Suicidal Ideation, Severe GAD, Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, Sexual Dysfunction, CEN, mild OCD

Bupropion 450 mg
Buspirone 60 mg
Trazodone 200 mg
Effexor 225 mg

PerryJeffJoeJimBob is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Ethan33
Junior Member
Ethan33 It's only a flesh wound!
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 24
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Mar 12, 2018 at 02:52 PM
  #35
Hi guys, thank you for all your help and sorry for my absence.

Since my last post I have tried CBD Oil but I don't think it really did anything. Perhaps if I ate marijuana leaf salad this might help? - perhaps due to CBD and THC in combination.

I am looking for Yohimbe bark extract. It is available from US websites, but can't be bought in the UK.

I was thinking that if I used this and was then able to have sex "successfully" with a regular escort, that this could help me have a clearer idea as to whether or not I needed to pay £720 for the surrogacy session. If the Yohimbe & Escort worked, then I might feel better prior to my first surrogate session, and get more out of it, and therefore end up needing less sessions.
Ethan33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Ethan33
Junior Member
Ethan33 It's only a flesh wound!
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 24
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Jun 03, 2018 at 05:51 AM
  #36
Update:
Haven't tried Yohimbe yet. It is not available in the UK, perhaps due to drug laws.

I have tried Maca root. No effect.

I have ordered AlphaViril, a natural testosterone booster. Will see if it works.
Ethan33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
jvklaus
Member
jvklaus has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: TX
Posts: 85
5 yr Member
5 hugs
given
Default Jun 03, 2018 at 11:57 AM
  #37
Quote:
Originally Posted by emptynightmare View Post
Why is it easier to get laid in the Philippines or Thailand?
I don't know about Philippines, but Thailand is known for its easy access to sex workers. While not legal, there are an abundance of sex workers ready to accommodate most sexual urges. Some of what is accommodated is simply unconscionable and repugnant
Possible trigger:
. I know this because I used to work overseas and many, many, men would go to Thailand on their vacations just for the sex. Some did go to the Philippines, but I don't think the Philippines is as rampant as Thailand. A lot of the men who would go to the Philippines would return having married a younger Philippina.
jvklaus is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Ethan33
Ethan33
Junior Member
Ethan33 It's only a flesh wound!
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 24
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Default Sep 13, 2018 at 03:37 PM
  #38
Sorry for my absence.

I tried AlphaViril.

One tablet = no change

Two tablets = had a weird effect on my nervous system, like I had too much coffee, except I'd have strange moments where I'd lose concentration and feel really spaced out, which made me feel very reluctant to take any more. No affect on libido. Had to send them back and ask for a refund.
Ethan33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Gogu2
New Member
Gogu2 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Wonderland
Posts: 8
5 yr Member
Default Sep 20, 2018 at 11:33 AM
  #39
Try Spedra.
Gogu2 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Ethan33
Junior Member
Ethan33 It's only a flesh wound!
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 24
5 yr Member
2 hugs
given
Thumbs up Sep 23, 2020 at 03:31 PM
  #40
UPDATE 2020 - 2 years on

Regarding my original post, I have now been trying option 1 "Surrogate".

I can report that it works. After several sessions, the title of this thread is no longer relevant to me.

Thanks again to all who chipped in here
Ethan33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:19 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.