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Old 12-30-2017, 03:43 PM #1
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Unhappy Sexual Problem

Ok. So I have a problem. I don't climax that easily with a man, most especially in the beginning of a relationship and especially with intercourse, and it's frustrating my new guy.

I could tell he was frustrated this morning, and it sucked. I have yet to climax whenever we have fooled around, which hasn't really been that many times yet -- maybe just a handful.

Today he said he has tried all his tricks, that I am a big challenge and that there's no breaking through the barrier. UGH!

I told him that it takes me a while to become comfortable sexually with someone and to open myself up in this way. I also reassured him that I am enjoying myself immensely, regardless. I think that helped somewhat, but I feel SO guilty and awful for having this problem!

It always takes me a while before I can allow myself to climax with someone new. I think it's a vulnerability thing?!? I think that I feel like if I allow myself to climax, then I have shared all of myself with someone, and that as a result, I will feel much closer to them emotionally and that much more vulnerable. I am not sure really, but I have an emotional block. He said he can tell that I am holding back or that I am a bit reserved. UGH. It left me feeling absolutely horrible this morning.

I am making myself vulnerable by even talking about this openly because it is SO deeply personal, but I need some support around this.

As an FYI: I will be going out of town on Sunday until Monday, so I will not be able to reply during that time if there are replies.

Thank you all in advance for being compassionate and gentle around this topic. It is a highly sensitive one for me.
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Old 12-30-2017, 03:51 PM #2
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Default Re: Sexual Problem

I don't have a lot of advice, but I feel this is totally normal. The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder it will be. You can have a lot of fun without a climax, keep reminding him of that. The more comfortable you get with each other in bed, the easier it gets. Just have a lot of fun and try not to be upset.
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Old 12-30-2017, 04:02 PM #3
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Default Re: Sexual Problem

I think its very common I had the same issues with someone new.

I think reassuring him and not being hard on yourself is the best approach.

Good for you to be open and talking about it , lots of people could not do this
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Old 12-30-2017, 04:33 PM #4
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Default Re: Sexual Problem

Thank you both!! I will follow your suggestions!! It is easy to get down on myself about it. Yes, not easy to talk about, but it's gotta be addressed. I want to overcome this issue.
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Old 12-30-2017, 04:37 PM #5
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Default Re: Sexual Problem

Hi Eve. Good on you for being so open. Yes, it's definitely normal. But something women don't really talk about amongst themselves. Wonder why?

If you didn't care about this man, you would probably find it easier to relax and be selfish. So, it's a compliment to him really.

Good luck.
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Old 12-30-2017, 04:41 PM #6
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Default Re: Sexual Problem

Thanks, Purple! Maybe we don't talk about it because women feel ashamed of it? I know I feel ashamed and awful for having this problem. We should be more open about it. And some men don't know how to be good lovers either!!

I'll tell him just that! That's it's a compliment to him, in all reality. Never thought of it that way, but you're right. I DO care about him and like him very much.
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Old 12-30-2017, 04:59 PM #7
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Default Re: Sexual Problem

No need to feel ashamed! It's just anatomy. The harder you try, the less... erm... happy you'll be.

Practical suggestion: spend a whole afternoon or even day in bed. Not doing anything much. Eating. Drinking. Laughing. Playing music. (Together, I mean ).

He might find that this is what constitutes being 'a good lover'.

Infinite patience!
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Old 12-30-2017, 05:01 PM #8
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Default Re: Sexual Problem

That's great advice! We will I am sure someday do that.... maybe I'll suggest it!!! And yes, patience is needed here. I'll try not to feel ashamed. :/
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Old 12-30-2017, 05:02 PM #9
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Default Sexual Problem

I have the same challenge. I know why I am this way. I cannot get physical with someone before I get emotional connection and until I feel somewhat emotionally safe about him and the relationship.
Do you feel emotionally safe with him? More importantly, do you feel emotionally safe with the relationship and the state of the relationship? Please let me clarify, I am not asking if you are having a great time and having fun. That, i hope is the case. What I am asking is the emotional connection. May be it is different for you but i need to feel at least a little emotional connection and safety in order to get physical.
Please do not feel guilty. You do not have a problem. I would actually think that he needs to understand your situation. Besides, once it happens, it will continue to happen. Sexual Problem
It might be a red flag if he is getting upset over this.
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Old 12-30-2017, 05:05 PM #10
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Default Re: Sexual Problem

That's a good question! I am starting to open up more to him and to share more about myself with him, slowly. I don't feel emotionally close to him yet -- we got physical before closeness occurred. We've mainly been having fun together. But yeah, maybe I need the emotional part too.... something for me to think about. I don't think he got upset -- he was more frustrated.

TY!
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