Boyfriend ejaculates before penetration.

Hi everyone!

My boyfriend is 30 and I'm 25 and we have been together for 9 months. He
has previously been in a relationship in which he has had sex, but I have
never had sex. The problem is that it seems like it's the other way around.

We have been trying to have sex for 7 months but have been unsuccessful
because he gets sooo nervous that he either loses an erection or ejaculates
as soon as he puts the condom on. I'm the one who stays completely calm and I'm not worried about anything because I both love and trust him.

I have been trying to be supportive and not to freak out after it happens but I am getting more and more frustrated. We have a great relationship otherwise and we can talk about everything, but this is something that we haven't been able to overcome yet. We have talked about it a lot and we have tried to have sex many times in different ways, but nothing has worked. I've told him that I don't expect anything miraculous out of him, that I love him and that I just want to be intimate with him in that way too and he has talked to me very openly and said that he has no idea what happens to him. He starts thinking about how his erection is going to go away and how he's going to climax too soon and that is exactly what happens.

We are both aware that it's a psychological problem because when we have oral sex and he knows that we won't be actually trying to have sex (because I'm on my period usually), then everything's great, he can last for an hour if he wants to even with a condom on.

I am getting really worried because we haven't even been able to get him to at least penetrate me because he gets so worked up that he either ejaculates when he puts the condom on or when he touches my vagina with it. What should we do? All the problems of premature ejaculation talk about sex ending in a matter of minutes, but we haven't managed to have sex at all. Has anyone had a similar problem? Should he/we get some counselling?

Maybe I should mention that I am in my 3rd year of getting a psychotherapy degree so I have no problem with going to a therapist and neither does he,the only problem is that we would have to travel to see one which can get quite expensive so I'm looking to try everything else that I can before we decide on that.

Thank you in advance for your responses and any advice you might offer.

Maybe he’s intimidated by your virginity...

Subconsciously he could be freaking out over wanting sex to be a perfect experience for you...

My suggestion is he should first see a doctor to make sure it's not a medical problem and then seek therapy for himself.

Ok, this might not sound good, but have you ever thought that he's just enjoying you giving him a blowjob all the time, and he's preferring to do that instead? I'd say stop doing that for him and see how much he wants to try actual intercourse. Men can fake ejacualations as well, or it could be pre-cum your noticing. Also, for my interest, would you answer how you have oral sex when you are on your period? Do you use a tampon inserted or something?

Also might not sound good....what’s wrong with period sex if you’re using condoms anyway. If it’s a cleanup issue keep a towel handy.
The idea & timing of this might surprise him & keep his mind busy....which should be on pleasuring you, not how fast he’s going to come. So a change in the expected might help.

Do u put the condom on him? Have u tried that? Or putting it on differently say....with your mouth?

If he’s had sex before in another relationship & didn’t have any issues what’s the variables that could be different?

Are you getting any satisfaction of an orgasm in the last 7months or has the focus been solely on penetration?
And if he’s only 30 yrs old....can he go again in 20-30min? Have you tried that? This might be key to moving into a relaxed state for him.

Just some ideas.....