Sorry long and confusing but it needs to get out - Forums at Psych Central

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-10-2018, 10:43 PM #1
palsera27 palsera27 is offline
Member Since: Jun 2017
Posts: 137
palsera27 palsera27 is offline
palsera27 has no updates.
Member Since: Jun 2017
Posts: 137

2 yr Member
Default Sorry long and confusing but it needs to get out

Iím 34.

So I was wondering how many people here on PC regret not talking to their crush or conversely, regret approaching their crush. The type of crush or interest Iím referring to specifically is one with someone you donít know that well, perhaps just by name whether they be a distant classmate, student in the school, co-worker, or friend of a friend just to name a few. You know an acquaintance.

Feel free to share your experiences with people who you know better too though; the more the merrier!

Iím going through one of these crushes at the moment right now, so I guess this thread is in part advice and in part collection of various stories that you guys might be willing to share with everyone here. Itís been super confusing for me. In the begging I was absolutely terrified of this woman. There was something bout this womanís personality that intimidatined me.

For me, Iím and I am crushing on this woman for for a year and half I donít know much about her except for her name and group of friends. Her age she is an older woman she has 3 kids. One is three years younger than me. So yes sheís older

I know a few of you might wonder how I can fall for someone who I barely know, but I guess when something sparks inside you and it frightens you, it happens. just the way she acted got at me. It frightened me. Overly assertive, friendly... something. I donít even know why I like. Was it the fact that she coerced me into buying upgrades i couldnít afford. I ended up owing the company money. So this led me to change my number and break all communications with her. Eventually I made amends with her and paid the account. It took me awhile to get in touch with her. Because I had to get myself together.

All I knew is the crush crept up on me. It went from being absolutely terrified and angry about this woman to not being able to get her out of my head. All I know is meeting this woman turned my life upside down. Iím not the same person anymore. Maybe she was the push i needed to see that there was more to life then being a cashier. So I donít regret meeting her. To me she is one of those people who are sent in your life to teach you. A Devine appointment. I have learned a lot about myself

I have no idea if sheís gay, but I know sheís very assertive. I admire that since I struggle with boundaries because of emeshed mother.

Iím i havenít told anyone except my friends about her. When I did I was very vague about her identity. Only a few close friends know whom she is so I would assume she doesnít know. And obviously I havenít told her she has know Idea about my feelings towards her. But I did make the mistake of telling someone online that I liked her and who she was. This involved some racey text about her of things we would like to do to her.

So if thats the case I will have to own it and explain everything to her. But how do explain something to someone you canít explain to yourself. And with the help of an affirming pastor i came to the conclusion that I donít have answer but I canít help but wonder what it was that made me go from not wanting anything to do with her to this.

Also there has been a few occasions when no matter how well I hid my sexuality some people just know that I like girls. Gaydar or something. They just know. This may be one of those situations.

Itís my first crush on someone who I donít regularly interact with so Iím not exactly sure how to deal with it. Also itís the first crush that confirmed my sexuality. That crush that made me go yep I like girls.

When I had a crush on a close friend, I think it was easier to deal with, though this might differ for you guys, cause despite not be able to be in a romantic relationship, we still shared a lot of memories and I always have something to remember her by. We very close. So close that people suspected there was something more. She would cuddle me. But we were friends so no relationship there. She was the one whom told what it meant to be gay bi transgender etc. I eventually told her how i felt and she told me she liked boys. However i did find that she was bi on Facebook I guess there was more closure.

On the other hand, with people who you donít know well, you kind of are left wondering ďwhat if?Ē if you donít do anything and sit idly by as you get ďcrushedĒ. It hurts me inside especially because Iíll probably never see this woman again, but at the same time you canít just approach someone random, especially if they have no Idea how i feel. Itís hurts me to know that Iím not part of her life.

It leaves me wondering if I will ever be able to get to know the real her. I want to get to know her and see if we have a chance. I want her to be the person I explore my sexuality with. But at the same time her having the slightest hint of my feelings towards her. However it turns out she does like me then Iím going to have so questions for her. Questions like what it was that made her like me and how she was when she realized

According to her Facebook sheís straight because itís checked to interested in men. But Iím unable to confirm her sexuality because I donít know her personally so i donít know if she really is straight closeted, or out to certain people.

in October I was part of a tweve step program called that helps you over come additions codependency etc. i asked my crush to be my accountability partner I found through Facebook that at one time she struggled with addiction. I chose her because she is the type of her assertiveness. But she never responded so I assumed she wasnít interested in me.

The company she works for follows me on Instagram. They like my post and comment. So whom ever is on the other end likes me. So itís either a friend of hers or her.

Back in November i went back to the company she worked to get me car looked at and had opportunity to talk to her but I didnít. Again I felt scared so I snubbed her. I was afraid she figure out I liked her and confront me. Her company was supposed to call me back and didnít until recently. It caught me off guard i had assumed they werenít able to help me and moved on.

So now the balls in my court i have opportunity to talk to her and initiate a friendship with her. Sheís not in charge of parts so it probably not her. Iím just happy to have the opportunity to speak with her again. This leaves me wondering if just the company or sheís planning something. Like maybe shes getting me in arms reach to confront me. If thatís the case the she deserves answers.

Also it could be some sort of intervention thing as my behavior has worried on my 12 step friends. I had to drop out because it interfered with work but my 12 step wanted to keep in the program and they know i contacted my crush. At the time i told my friends that I didnít know what sanity was. They asked why but didnít tell them. I feel insane because Iím Crushing on an older woman.

So what do I tell her I went completely nuts and had to be put on antidepressants because I feel for an older presumably straight woman.(her) Then again thatís me because I have never really been a sane person. I donít what sanity is. You know Iím that person whoís a bit on the crazy side. So that being said my behavior has worried my friends.

So whatís the worst could happen I cry in front her because I got crushed. I get confronted by my twelve step friends and her because of my erratic behavior. That being said thatís me. Itís not uncommon for me to scare my loved ones. Thatís me. Itís who I am.

But the fact that Iím questioning my sexually I donít feel too comfortable being close to her and being held by her. Itís the age gap that bothers me. The thought of being intimate with someone whoís old enough to be my mom frightens me.

Would it be better off not having to be slightly awkward in approaching someone or better not having to regret not doing anything? Iíve heard that a lot of people regret not asking out their crushes, but these were largely answers from straight people, so I wanted to get a LGBT, and in particular gay insight to this universal problem.

Iím basically asking if you guys, firstly, what would you do in my situation, and secondly, have you had a more distant crush where you regret not moving a move?

Sorry for the long confusing post. I justed needed someone to talk to.
palsera27 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-11-2018, 11:07 PM #2
Posts: n/a
Anonymous50909 has no updates. Edit
Posts: n/a

Default Re: Sorry long and confusing but it needs to get out

I have a short attention span, so it took me a few tries to get through your post. I'm not sure I have advice, but wanted to let you know I read it.

I think life is too short not to go for what we want. Worst case she isn't bisexual and is not interested. Maybe you could be friends. I truly believe rejection is better than regret. Good luck.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:48 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.


Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.


Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.