Fear and Disgust from Horror Movies?

Hi, I am a teenager with OCD, Sexual Sadism and anxiety problems (I guess that could fall in with OCD). Sexual sadism is when someone gets sexually aroused by the pain and suffering of someone they find attractive. Recently, I’ve been viewing death scenes from horror movies on Youtube, mostly from “slasher” movies that don’t really scare me. The death scenes arouse me, because of my sexual sadism. I’m going to talk to a paraphilias expert about my sexual sadism, but until then I have another problem: fear and disgust from the horror movies. While searching, I discovered a very sick scene involving mutiliation and what I think was cannibalism. This scene traumatized me, but for some reason, I felt a desire to see it again. I have no idea why. After that incident, I started learning more and more about very dark horror movies with taboo subjects. This scared me very much. How should I deal with not only the fear and paranoia, but also the disgust from seeing these horror movies? Whenever I think of this, my mood instantly darkens. One of my main worries is that what if this actually happened? What if the violence I saw in the movie was actual violence filmed on a camera?

Horror movie deaths sexually arouse me, so they are basically porn for me. Is there any way to permanently refrain from watching this? I have heard that watching violent horror movies at a youbg age could have a effect on you.

You know... the way to stop watching this stuff is just to stop watching! If it requires getting rid of your smart phone or computer (perhaps giving them to your parents for safe-keeping)... then that's what you have to do. There aren't any magic solutions for a situation such as this. It's all pretty straight forward... at least from my perspective. I know I'm an old man & probably just a fuddy-duddy. But, from my perspective, the stuff you're watching is really toxic. You just have to do what you have to do to get rid of it

I enjoy learning about current brain research findings. And one thing I ran across a while back was that, although we consciously understand that violence we see on TV or in a movie, etc. is fiction, the non-conscious areas of our brains react as if it was real. So, at least to me, continuing to expose those non-conscious areas of your brain to what you're "feeding" them is a prescription for ongoing, & deepening, mental distress. It's great you're going to have the opportunity to see a paraphilias expert. That's a positive step! But you also just have to do whatever is necessary in order to keep away from the toxic stuff you're watching on YouTube or wherever. I so hope you do...

I do not watch scary movies at all because they make me feel bad. Some people think it's okay to to watch horror movies and they have no issue with them. I once was with a group of people and they were watching a movie I couldn't leave. I still felt altered the next day.

Being a teenager isn't a walk in the park with all that hormonal stuff going on it's own. Try to steer clear of it for a little while to give yourself a break to see if you feel any better. Is there a counsellor at the school you could talk to?

I hated horror movies when I was a kid. But when I grew older, I also grew a form of fascination to the horror and gore. I started watching clips on youtube of the movie Saw, reading its wiki page. Reading creepypasta and the SCP page, and so on.

Ultimately, I watched Pewdiepie lets plays.

I have no better advice than what Skeezyks already said, just wanted to share a somehow similar experience.

I agree with Skeezyks. These movies and scenes from movies are bad input for you. This is taking sadism in a whole different direction. We aren't talking about deriving sexual pleasure from playing tie up and spank or dripping hot candle wax. What you're talking about is very serious and you should be seeing someone about it. You definitely need to see a psychiatrist and a therapist for this. The best thing that you can do until then is to stay away from anything that has to do with death or violence and gore be it real or fictional as that seems to be the trigger. Such things should disgust you.