[LiteraryLark]

I am so confused as to who I am. I've always told myself I don't have a specific orientation because it's just too difficult to figure out who or what I am on the LGBT and Gender spectrum. Have you ever really looked at those articles on spectrums? Today I looked at "gender-fluid" and found an article that states a dozen different gender identities! And to find myself on the LGBT spectrum is impossible. They have so many different names for different forms and variations of LGBT and then within that there are many variations and degrees of different forms of orientations. Some of them I have looked at apply to me but are absolutely opposite of what they mean side by side! I am just so confused on how I'm supposed to address or define myself. Is there an easier way to figure out where on the spectrum I am? Thank you!

[Skeezyks]

Honestly... I don't know the answer to your question. I'm just an old man who has struggled with gender identity issues my entire life. Way back when I was young, & where I grew up, there were boys & there were girls. And if you didn't fit neatly into one of those categories, you darned well kept it to yourself if you knew what was good for you.

I'm completely perplexed by all of this gender identity & sexual orientation spectrum stuff. The good thing, in my case, is that I'm now too old for it all to make any difference. But I have sympathy for anyone who is trying to figure it all out. I had always assumed that, as I got older, all of my gender identity issues would gradually fall away. Unfortunately that has not turned out to be the case. If anything they seem to be getting more difficult to deal with. But I wish you well in your efforts to define yourself.

[objtrbit]

I'm a bisexual transman, I like labels just for the fact that it helped me figure out what was going on.

If you were to explain some of your questioning maybe it could be narrowed down, the goal being self understanding

[LiteraryLark]

I have feelings for all genders, men, women, trans and also I have feelings for people no matter their orientation, all of high school I pursued gay men and straight women. Now, of course, I don't. Who I prefer is almost as erratic as my bipolar, always cycling. I have always been firm for my feelings for men, that has never changed. I am in fear of what my ultra-conservative Christian grandparents and relatives will think if I were to be in a relationship with a woman, so my feelings of women are limited to looking and not pursuing. I have slept with a woman I had strong feelings for and enjoyed the intimacy, though I've never liked sex. I've had 8 partners since I turned 21 and none brought me close to orgasm. It is an uncomfortable feeling to have intercourse, to receive oral, and to receive ****. I enjoy giving oral on a man, but have not gone down on a woman and I am extremely nervous to do so to the point where I may not ever want to. All of my fantasies involve men. I never fantasize about a woman unless I'm looking directly at her. But in private my fantasies involve multiple men and that I am also a man whether I myself am a man or I am taking on the role of another man in my fantasies. I am an active member of the slash/yaoi/ship community. I like male pairings and always fantasize about two or multiple men together.

Ever since I was little, I had always wished I was born a man, but now that I am an adult, a sex change would not change who I am inside and I do not feel comfortable with the idea of having a penis despite all my fantasies of having a penis, as it would be so foreign to what I am still "getting used to". I feel I am "stuck" as a woman. I enjoy wearing men's clothes and would prefer to dress as a man but don't because I need to wear a bra to wear certain men's shirts and I despise wearing bras. I try not to wear bras when I wear women's clothes, so most of my wardrobe is black t-shirts (where my breasts don't show as much) and lots of baggy or thick sweaters. I hate the summer time because I am stuck wearing a tank top which means I need to wear a bra. I think binders would be non-effective because they are more constrictive than a bra and I heard they are extremely uncomfortable. My breasts are small but large enough to be noticeable with thin material. I force myself to wear women's clothes because I've grown up a woman, my parents and grandparents have raised me to be a woman. Some days I am more feminine than man, and vice versa, some days I want to be both. In high school I went through a brief trans phase and it was not received well by peers and family so I went back to feminine. I don't like being one or the other. It depends on how I feel like when I wake up.

[LiteraryLark]

Can anyone point me in the right direction?

[objtrbit]

Hi there, responding to some stuff...

"I have feelings for all genders, men, women, trans and also I have feelings for people no matter their orientation"

Sounds like the description of pansexual

"all of high school I pursued gay men and straight women."

Anything to do as to their masculinity or femininity?

Dom or sub/top/bottom/ a partner who is in control, equal, or you are in control?

"Who I prefer is almost as erratic as my bipolar, always cycling."

I think that's a harsh view of something that might fluctuate naturally, I think people like different people for all sorts of reasons, and that can change according to all sorts of stuff, like their actions, your interactions, ect I would think.

"I have always been firm for my feelings for men, that has never changed. I am in fear of what my ultra-conservative Christian grandparents and relatives will think if I were to be in a relationship with a woman, so my feelings of women are limited to looking and not pursuing."

Yeah that certainly doesn't help with trying to figure out who you are, that kind of inhibition.

"I have slept with a woman I had strong feelings for and enjoyed the intimacy, though I've never liked sex. I've had 8 partners since I turned 21 and none brought me close to orgasm."

That could be due to all sorts of factors

"It is an uncomfortable feeling to have intercourse, to receive oral, and to receive ****."

I'm wondering if this could be tied to how you're treated during sex; and how it lines up with your gender identity

"I enjoy giving oral on a man, but have not gone down on a woman and I am extremely nervous to do so to the point where I may not ever want to."

I was afraid to the first time too, I think that's a common normal fear. I tend to date my same anatomy but be attracted to guys. I have such body dysphoria over not having a **** that I really don't know how I can be with same anatomy, but it works, guess I don't need to know how lol. Also with that religious and/or family guilt you got going on that could really hurt your open exploration.

"All of my fantasies involve men. I never fantasize about a woman unless I'm looking directly at her. But in private my fantasies involve multiple men and that I am also a man whether I myself am a man or I am taking on the role of another man in my fantasies. I am an active member of the slash/yaoi/ship community. I like male pairings and always fantasize about two or multiple men together."

Same here, except I don't know about that particular community

"Ever since I was little, I had always wished I was born a man, but now that I am an adult, a sex change would not change who I am inside and I do not feel comfortable with the idea of having a penis despite all my fantasies of having a penis, as it would be so foreign to what I am still "getting used to". I feel I am "stuck" as a woman. I enjoy wearing men's clothes and would prefer to dress as a man but don't because I need to wear a bra to wear certain men's shirts and I despise wearing bras. I try not to wear bras when I wear women's clothes, so most of my wardrobe is black t-shirts (where my breasts don't show as much) and lots of baggy or thick sweaters. I hate the summer time because I am stuck wearing a tank top which means I need to wear a bra. I think binders would be non-effective because they are more constrictive than a bra and I heard they are extremely uncomfortable. My breasts are small but large enough to be noticeable with thin material. I force myself to wear women's clothes because I've grown up a woman, my parents and grandparents have raised me to be a woman."

Okay so I'm an ftm that doesn't want to go through bottom surgery because first of all, in America none of the surgery results are to my satisfaction, still can't ejaculate, and on top of alla that need a pump to get it up. It's risky too, all my parts work so that's nice, I don't want to take a risk like that. Not having a **** won't make me less of a man, I'll just use a prosthetic STP.

On your chest, yeah I straight up want the surgery. I have bad dysphoria, sometimes I'll wear a tank top and just pretend my chest is flat. That's a good day where I can ignore my dysphoria. I have an entire list of ways my chest makes me feel uncomfortable, I could post it here if you wanted as a comparison checklist, but I feel like you have some dysphoria going on. You definitely notice your chest it sounds like.

"Some days I am more feminine than man, and vice versa, some days I want to be both."

There are transman/ftms that transition beard and all and still want to be feminine. There are feminine cisgender guys. It's harder because society doesn't like that, but **** society lol.

"In high school I went through a brief trans phase and it was not received well by peers and family so I went back to feminine."

See that's ******, not helpful at all. I had to get 'used to' being called 'he' before I even realized how much it fit me. That was in a supportive environment. So it's crazy to me to hear how much lack of support you've had trying to get to know yourself.

"I don't like being one or the other. It depends on how I feel like when I wake up."

Also perfectly gravy, you could be non-binary/bi-gender/third gender/genderfluid, all of that is possible whether you transition or not lol. You have plenty of options

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by objtrbit

Hi there, responding to some stuff...

Thank you for this. I appreciate it.

[MiddayNap]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

Ever since I was little, I had always wished I was born a man, but now that I am an adult, a sex change would not change who I am inside and I do not feel comfortable with the idea of having a penis despite all my fantasies of having a penis, as it would be so foreign to what I am still "getting used to". I feel I am "stuck" as a woman. I enjoy wearing men's clothes and would prefer to dress as a man but don't because I need to wear a bra to wear certain men's shirts and I despise wearing bras. I try not to wear bras when I wear women's clothes, so most of my wardrobe is black t-shirts (where my breasts don't show as much) and lots of baggy or thick sweaters. I hate the summer time because I am stuck wearing a tank top which means I need to wear a bra. I think binders would be non-effective because they are more constrictive than a bra and I heard they are extremely uncomfortable. My breasts are small but large enough to be noticeable with thin material. I force myself to wear women's clothes because I've grown up a woman, my parents and grandparents have raised me to be a woman. Some days I am more feminine than man, and vice versa, some days I want to be both. In high school I went through a brief trans phase and it was not received well by peers and family so I went back to feminine. I don't like being one or the other. It depends on how I feel like when I wake up.

I believe the feeling of being both masculine and feminine is termed "gender-fluid". Perhpas you could read about it.

It makes much more sense in my opinion to say gender is a spectrum. Who on earth are the men and women who fit perfectly into every single stereotype society has assigned to "man" and "woman"?
My cousin had once told me of a Chinese village (I forget the specifics) wherein the women have short hair and the men have long hair. As well, the women pursued the men, rather than the more-acceptable reverse. (More acceptable to US society, as it is of course not more acceptable within their society.) My uncle and father were in the room when she told me. "Well, that's ***-backwards." Said my father. I suppose my point is that our idea of what is proper to the genders depends entirely upon the society in which we live.
The most important thing is that you are able to express yourself in a way that makes you happy.

[amicus_curiae]

There’s always the Kinsey scale. Google it.

It’s fun, sometimes, just to say, “I’m a 3 on the Kinsey scale.”

Why fun? Because no one younger than 120 will know what the hell you mean.

It pays to keep ‘em guessing.

[Entity06]

I think it's perfectly ok not to be able to pinpoint exactly where you are on a scale such as that of gender or sexuality. Why do we need to define it categorically anyway?

Cis and straight people don't go around identifying themselves and don't need to spend time thinking about it the way non cis, non straight people are forced to by society and its still fairly rigid, binary standards. Being the default(as society defines it) requires little thought, you mostly get to just be, to exist.

If you're outside those boundaries, defining yourself often becomes something very important and I think that in itself is, at least in part, proof of the stigma and discrimination still surrounding anything outside the binary, because one part of identifying yourself as "something"(insert preferred gender or sexual identity here) is in part a way of saying you're not abnormal, of validating your experience, justifying and providing proof of it being real and legit not some mental illness or rebellious act.

Personally I think most people, certainly if not for society's restrictively guiding hand, aren't 100% straight or 100% cis. Especially when it comes to gender identity, which is mostly a social construct, there's no such thing as being all man or all woman because apart from biological sexual characteristics, everything we ascribe to one gender identity or the other is a construct. There's no such thing, for ex, as men's or women's hobbies, favorite colors or favorite clothing style because those things don't occur in nature, they're constructs of society and society simply leads most people(humans are largely conformists) into fitting the mould it decides they should fit into according to their genitals. Hormonal differences would not lead to such big differences at all. We are all humans and there's a wide scale of how you can experience gender.

Sexually too, I'd reckon most people would not be 100% straight if society was not homophobic and binary in this as well. It's been shown that women(who are also arguably less constrained by homophobia because homophobia is highly sexist and deeply rooted in the fear of emasculation, and who are also allowed to have very close intimate platonic or almost romantically platonic relationships with other women) have a much more fluid sexuality and high rates of some type of sexual experimentation with the same gender, even simply for the sake of curiosity, like a lot of teenage girl.

So, long story short, I think it's enough if you know you're not entirely straight on entirely cis, just explore that, it's very valid either way.

I'm very non-binary in the way I feel and act, without wanting to transition. Also, although I'm what society perceives as a very masculine woman, I'm attracted on average to men more than women, and I would say I am pansexual.