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Old 01-24-2018, 12:54 AM #1
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Default One Year

Been almost a year since my bad experience with my former friend.
I learned a lot, lost a lot, gained a little, but it still hurts.

Sometimes, I think I can be with a woman. But most times, my mind says I can't.

I've been alone so long, Sex and companionship is just not part of my life. whats another 30 years alone. did it once already.

I have hard time accepting my past. Its like, I didn't exist.

Why did I let myself become this way.



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Old 01-24-2018, 01:06 AM #2
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Default Re: One Year

I have been in that place. Reflection is good. It's healthy in remembering how far you have come. I am sorry you are suffering. I haven't been with a man physically in a very long time, and I learned to live without it.

I am not going to sit here and advise you that you can live without it too, because I understand there is a real need, but it doesn't have to be the end for you. I learned to develop wonderful friendships with men over the years, and they have become more valuable than romps in the sack have proven to be. I do understand its different for men in that regard, but I know it can get better.

Chin up! ((((HUGS)))
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Old 01-24-2018, 06:22 AM #3
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Default Re: One Year

William, It Was Really Nothing

Sorry. I felt a compulsion to shout out that old Smithís song bit.

Now. Youíre 30-years-old (or around that) and youíve not had sex during the past year (or thereabouts)?

And youíve been hurt, no, you are hurting because youíre last relationship ended badly for you?

I donít think my timeline is quite right? You lived alone for 30 years previous to this last relationship that ended almost one-year back?

When weíre to the point of wondering why we allowed ourselves to become a person that we donít like, itís time to take a look at the past, I think. You really have no choice but to accept the past - itís done, time is linear, whatís done is done.

I never thought that, at my age, I would be sexually active, again. Sex and companionship may not be part of your life now but, whatever your age, do you really want to rule them out for the next three decades?

Your past is your past... you existed in that past, you exist now. You know of the time travel conundrum(s)? Yes, well, time travel isnít possible - but we become who we are at any given second because of choices that we make. If weíre a bit off - crazy as a loon, am I - our choices might be curious to others. But the choices were made and we are expected to move on. Who expects this horrible thing of us? Well, itís a homo sapien thing. As a species we seem to be able to survive and still live through the most terrifying, most petrifying ideas/experiences and still find reasons to live on.

If you are fortunate enough to find yourself in an immobilizing fear of death, you go on.

When I wrote of years spent in bed that Wasnít. Exactly. True.

I didnít lay in my own waste. I didnít starve. I paid my rent. I retrieved my mail (even if whilst others slept). I (even if just barely) lived on.

So will you. And you can choose to participate in sex and companionship or not but if you choose Ďnotí you better have a good god-damned reason because both are about as good as it gets before you die.

Speaking for myself, I donít think that sex or companionship will be available after death.

My two cents. Be well.
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Old 01-25-2018, 07:16 PM #4
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One Year
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Old 01-26-2018, 08:56 AM #5
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Default Re: One Year

I have learned to live without it, Haven't much choice.
But its an empty feeling living without intimacy. or even someone to say Hi to when you feel alone.
I learned it's best for me to refrain from making girl/friends, that is what I used to do, lots of joy but it lacks passion, you never get to really know them like others would. I'd get jealous when they leave me alone to go be intimate with someone else. That's more painful then loneliness.

Just thought things would be better for me now, turns out it's worse. and only getting harder to cope with.

I just need to tell someone what I'm going through, keeping things to myself all the time, builds up allot of frustration, and anger and lately its been starting to show.

Thanks for the reply. Cheers
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Old 01-27-2018, 11:13 PM #6
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Default Re: One Year

Whoa. A life without passion, yes, been there. Without intimacy, yep.

Before I die - and I will - I prefer having an intellectual/sexual partner rather than not.

Thatís just my preference. I think that it enhances life and living, though. Knocks out the legs of death even if just for a little while, ya know? And we only have a little while... might as well enjoy ourselves, I think. Being lonely, alone, sucks.
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