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Old 03-04-2018, 09:01 PM #1
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Default Guilty and Confused

Hello friends. In my life I have been confused about the morality of pornography/erotica (and what these even mean?), and masturbation. As any college-aged guy like myself, I consider masturbation and sexual fantasies one of my favorite escapes. It all started when I was 12ish, when my hormones started going crazy, and discovered these intense sensations. At that age I didn’t even know the term masturbation, I just knew that I had these lovely feelings when I touched myself! However, this was all left in the dark for many years, partly due to shame and awkwardness I felt after such activity. But being a Christian who likes doing these things doesnt sit well with any of my friends in church and Bible study, who I spend a fair amount of time with. When someone opened up about their history with masturbation and how they “overcame it” through a Bible study, they also openly condemned the act in front of me. I was also part of a strict church in college that openly damned fantasies, porn/erotica usage, staring (no matter how innocent) and masturbation on a much greater scale, and condemned people who did such activities. This torture was so much I fasted from masturbation for 8 months and turned away from both naked and completely clothed women on the Internet, social media, magazines of any kind, and even from lovely women I saw in person, out of pressure and guilt. Of course, this was to no avail, and I love fantasizing and playing with myself even more, and also side with my doctor parents’ opinion, psychology and sexual experts that it’s natural and harmless, especially since I am a single guy and am unable to invest my time in romantic relationships now. Coming from a family of doctors, I am fascinated with the body, and sexuality is no exception. However, the guilt trips from people continue, causing numerous self-esteem issues and anxiety, but I have found support from Christian-based forums that support this kind of activity and do not condemn it.

Secondly, I am also confused about the differences between porn and erotica, especially since my Christian-based groups have made no distinction between the two and have just defined it as “sinfulness”. My understanding is that though both are intended to stir arousal, porn is explicitly depicting often brutal and unwarranted sexual acts, while erotica focuses more on natural human beauty, but what are your thoughts? I mainly get turned on to the sight beautiful celebrities (ie, Ms Swift in a stunning dress or Mrs Tiegen in fashionable swimwear) and pregnant women (I admire reproductive processes thanks to my gynecologist mother, so in my mind that stems to amazing feminine beauty), but rarely go any further than that. Most of my fantasies are in response to what I have mentioned, human beauty in general and thoughts of being in loving, two-sided relationships with a possible GF/wife. Unless if I have a wife, I usually don’t stare at naked/exposed women in magazines or websites, and don't particularly enjoy seeing overly explicit depictions of people having sex. I always try to make women feel loved by pointing out their beauty and admirable qualities through an abundance of compliments, as well as following the golden rule with both sexes. I have a lot of female friends, and like spending time with them because of their ability to empathize, be thoughtful, and make meaningful conversations. I rarely stare at women in public (except for brief glances on the street, I am known for making observations) but ensure I am all eyes ears by making constant eye contact when speaking with them.

My apologies for the crazy long post, but in conclusion I would like to sum this thread up with these questions:

1. Is masturbation moral or downright wrong? (Please no religious control/condemning based off religion)
2. How would you define porn vs erotica, as well as what I look at to fantasize and turn myself on? Anything wrong here?
3. How can I stand up to people who continually lay on the guilt for my fantasies, looking at the opposite sex and masturbation?

Last edited by DazedandConfused254; 03-04-2018 at 09:15 PM.
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Old 03-04-2018, 10:55 PM #2
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Default Re: Guilty and Confused

1) That's a personal decision. In my opinion it is not morally wrong at all. I enjoy it.

2) I don't know about porn vs erotica. It all comes in various flavors so to speak. I've always gone by the rule that as long as all parties involved are of age and consenting, it's fair game. I can't judge you on your tastes as yours are very mild compared to mine.

3) The easiest option is probably to stop discussing it with them. Beyond that you have every right to be unapologetic. You say how you feel, they say how they feel and you agree to disagree. There is nothing to defend.

I am not Christian. I'm a total free spirit and I'm pro just about everything to do with sex. So take my advice for what it's worth to you.
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Old 03-04-2018, 11:09 PM #3
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Default Re: Guilty and Confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSadGirl View Post
1) That's a personal decision. In my opinion it is not morally wrong at all. I enjoy it.

2) I don't know about porn vs erotica. It all comes in various flavors so to speak. I've always gone by the rule that as long as all parties involved are of age and consenting, it's fair game. I can't judge you on your tastes as yours are very mild compared to mine.

3) The easiest option is probably to stop discussing it with them. Beyond that you have every right to be unapologetic. You say how you feel, they say how they feel and you agree to disagree. There is nothing to defend.

I am not Christian. I'm a total free spirit and I'm pro just about everything to do with sex. So take my advice for what it's worth to you.
And imo it's worth the world to me, and helps me to take a deep breath for myself. I very much agree with all those points, sex and a little self-pleasure is meant for our enjoyment anyway. As long as its not forced and not forced to give it up for control-freaks, why not? As Ive grown up my free spirit has shown a bit. Thank you very much for your reply, I value it very much!
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Old 03-06-2018, 05:55 PM #4
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Default Re: Guilty and Confused

I am an Christian and while I learned while growing up that it is best to mostly think about heavenly things and the best love is the kind of love that is pure as in love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, etc.; I do not think of most sexual fantasies or masturbation as wrong. They are pleasant diversions that do not hurt anyone.

Without sex, there wouldn't be billions of people on this Earth and my marriage never would have lasted so long. I think of sex as a way to express to another person how much you care for them. It needs to be an activity that is desired by all who participate. When it is forced, corced, or someone is tricked into it, it can cause a lot of confusion and emotional trauma. Sometimes masturbation can be a great go to when you need a sexual release for whatever reason including enabling you to more easily wait until the time is more convenient for your partner or until you meet a partner.
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Old 03-06-2018, 06:04 PM #5
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Default Re: Guilty and Confused

I'm Christian and I look at porn I masterbait because I don't have a girlfriend. I've been through periods where I didn't masterbait because I thought it was wrong. What are single guys supposed to do?
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Old 03-06-2018, 08:15 PM #6
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Default Re: Guilty and Confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopingtrying View Post
I am an Christian and while I learned while growing up that it is best to mostly think about heavenly things and the best love is the kind of love that is pure as in love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, etc.; I do not think of most sexual fantasies or masturbation as wrong. They are pleasant diversions that do not hurt anyone.

Without sex, there wouldn't be billions of people on this Earth and my marriage never would have lasted so long. I think of sex as a way to express to another person how much you care for them. It needs to be an activity that is desired by all who participate. When it is forced, corced, or someone is tricked into it, it can cause a lot of confusion and emotional trauma. Sometimes masturbation can be a great go to when you need a sexual release for whatever reason including enabling you to more easily wait until the time is more convenient for your partner or until you meet a partner.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. For awhile I thought that I was just the odd man out in Christian circles with the issue, even though I do my best to stay squeaky clean, so I can take that deep breath. I agree with you completely, as I have come to discover that sex is just simply reflection of our love for people and the essential need to connect with them, as well as our response to God's beauty He's created for each person (coming from a spirtual POV). But it must flow naturally and consented. Without it we would all go extinct and probably have more problems with health and stress!
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Old 03-06-2018, 08:21 PM #7
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Default Re: Guilty and Confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddy Bear View Post
I'm Christian and I look at porn I masterbait because I don't have a girlfriend. I've been through periods where I didn't masterbait because I thought it was wrong. What are single guys supposed to do?
@Teddy Bear - exactly. We need some way to fulfill those needs even when we're single lol
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