Not even 30 & my sexdrive is MIA. What is wrong with me?!

Hi all, I don't know if I am in the right forum for this or not... If you read my profile you will get a little better idea about me and my hubby. Long story short- we met in college, when the alcohol was flowin' and the hormones were raging! We have both struggled a bit with alcohol dependence since college; but we are both very self reflective and I am hoping we have caught the addiction before it can do serious damage... I am huge into fitness and that is part of what pulled me out of my alcoholic slumber... My husband was extremely fit/muscular when we got together almost 10 years ago now.... He has been slower to get over the alcohol and has gained a lot of weight over the years...

I thought maybe this is what was contributing to my loss of sex drive. but it just doesn't add up. Very recently, he has been working with a personal trainer and starting to get a little bit of that bicep pop back (which i noticed immediately, and finally felt the girls perk up a bit for the 1st time in ages) but it's still so off.
I used to be crazy about sex. Now, I don't even care to do it myself (yes you know what I mean). What happened to me?! In high school I would consider myself to have been a nympho. I would do it myself all the time and by the time I got my 1st serious boyfriend, we were doing things that grown *** married couples wouldn't even dream of! I used to tie him up and get crazy... In College, same thing. And when me and my husband first got together we were doing it like we were trying to multiply (yes, I was so crazy back then, making him have sex with me in public and irresponsible things like that!) SO What happened to me?! I dont even watch porn anymore... I am not even 30 yet. I thought your sex drive was supposed to increase as women age... Can it be that because I was so sexual early on that I used it all up? Where is my inner sexual warrior? How can I entice her to come back out with the man who deserves it?
Other side notes- yes I have talked to my doctor on a few different occasions about my low sexdrive... his/her answer was more foreplay.. The man I married is very large downtown and I thought that if I just banged him all the time I would loosen up, but I was sadly mistaken... My doctor says that all anatomy wasn't always meant to fit perfectly... but that still doesnt explain why my crazy nympho goddess has left my body. I have also contemplated if it is the fact that I work out too much and seem to get my stimulation out while i am lifting weights... but everyone says exercise should increase your sex drive! Please help. I would love to hear from people who have maybe gone through this same thing... or if anyone has any ideas.

I looked at your other post and saw where you said you are trying to help your husband drink less alcohol because he is definitely drinking excessively to the point of compromising his health. From both my husband and I's experience, drinking alcohol all of the time makes you gain a lot of weight. About eight years ago, my husband stopped drinking and has lost 65 pounds since then. He did it because he realized it would send him to an earlier death and wants to live to a very old age. With that weight loss--he really is a lot better in bed because he has more stamina and can position himself better plus I used to feel like he was crushing me sometimes! Also, he would sometimes be really drunk but if I was completely sober it was a huge turn off. Then I would think back to the times when we first met and the beginning of our marriage and the sex was just great even though we were both drunk so I would drink some sometimes just so I could handle the sex that he was sure to want later! I am so glad he quit drinking but I don't think you can get your husband to quit drinking--only he can get to the point that he is more afraid of drinking than his love of drinking (or get help for what he is numbing himself for).

As far as you go--recent studies show that drinking is even worse for women than men. I notice I cannot recover as quickly from drinking and rarely drink anymore. That my husband no longer drinks makes this much easier--I never buy alcohol and bring it home. I starting drinking at age 18 but I could really relate to some of the things this article talks about:
https://bewitchingkitchen.com/2016/1...cy-of-alcohol/

Working out makes sex better for me especially when I used to do a lot of yoga--it makes me more flexible and strong and I feel sexier when I look better. I used to crave exercise when I was not getting enough sex. It was an outlet for my frustration. Now that we are not drinking--it has made sex better. I noticed when I was sober and my husband was really drunk--it took forever to get him to climax. Back then, I felt obligated to do this for him but it made me sort of mad (sometimes he would wake me up) then I was up for the remainder of the night. Then I would feel resentful of him doing this and it would effect our love life. It is so much easier to orgasm if a couple has a loving feeling toward each other. So much about good sex comes from our mind, emotions, fantasies and the older you get the more you need to draw from these things in order to have great sex. Also, when we are drunk, it is hard to think about how to best please our partner. It is no wonder your sex life is not as satisfying right now!!! Alcohol can really destroy a relationship. I hope your husband can find the motivation to change.

Hormonal BC could be related to that.

Are you on any prescription meds? These may cause this as well. May need a med switch if so.

Have you tried eating foods that increase sexual health. I have type 2 diabetes and eating cashews and pepitas have helped me.
Also are you on any meds that are sexual inhibitors?
If so, you may try getting your dosages lowered. Best of luck to you.

I agree with all of the above.

Please do get your hormone levels checked out.

Look at med side-effects.


WC

I agree that certain meds can dampen one's libido. I can confirm that from personal experience. Another thing that can decrease one's appitite for sex is a low self esteem. If you don't feel sexy and confident about yourself, the way you look, how you dress, you tend to be less inclined to be aroused sexually.

Why not take time to treat yourself to a spa day or something? Get your nails done, maybe a bikini wax if you feel brave enough, and even getting yourself into a sexy new dress can make all the difference!!

Stay away from alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana and the like as they tend to increase one's inability to become sexually aroused. Stick to plain old water before attempting any sexual activity. It'll keep you better hydrated too!

I'm also going to agree that getting your hormone levels checked is a good idea. You might have some low hormone levels that contribute to your lack of interest.

Good luck finding the sexual goddess inside of you and being able to turn the heat up when you want to!

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