Sexual dysfunction

I am a very sexual person, an addict my previous therapist told me. I was the type of person who didn't have to have an emotional connection, hell I didn't even have to know their name. It didn't matter as long as I had an orgasm. I went from having sex pretty much every day of the week to not having sex at all. Up until 3 months ago I had a pretty active sex life, a few steady friends with benefits for the last year then about 3 months ago something happened and I woke up excited that my friend was coming over that day but afterwards when he left I had a massive emotional breakdown. I felt dirty, emotionally empty, and could not have an orgasm. I felt in light of this to take a break from sex and figure out what's going on. I have lost complete interest in sex. Since it has been 3 months I figured this past week to invite my friend over and have some fun. Needless to say I was more annoyed than anything. Sex just feels empty and meaningless. I can't have an orgasm, it doesn't seem like anything he did felt right or good. I don't understand what is going on with me. I don't know if this is a normal thing that comes with age or if I'm wanting more. I just feel defective. I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do.

I'm not sure either. I think you should talk to a therapist about it to see why you're reacting the way you are. I'd certainly want more than just sex with strangers, so to speak, I think as I got older.

Maybe it has to do with a lot of what you pointed out. Maybe because it has mainly been primarily about pleasure all this time and none of it deeply emotional, it could be possible that the emotional part of your mind feels so neglected that it just can't take it anymore and has lost interest.
I'm no expert on the matter. Just saying that it could be something like that in part at least.

At the peak of my sexual adventures I had to know names and I had to find something in others that made me genuinely like them. Even if I’d only known them for 10 minutes.

I would sometimes, with regular partners, find myself becoming emotionally attached and it was, in all but one case, mutual. For awhile emotional attachment does mean better sex. For me, though, the spark didn’t last long and I would be on my way. There were some holdouts, people that I genuinely loved, but I am cautious, now, about the vulnerability of love. Sex with love can be great but it doesn’t last. Love, I mean — it’s never lasted for me.

I had some years of believing myself impotent and lacking any libido. I was miserable. I am, once again, without sex partners. Long story. If I can get a handle on my finances, I’ll find a nice escort for satisfaction. I have escort and ex-escort friends, which helps.

Did you have any personal trauma prior to the 3-month period? Or just anything out of the ordinary? Any prior bad sex?

You’re here, on PsychCentral, and I have to think that you’ve at least one disorder? You may be in therapy, or not, but I believe that this is a subject for a shrink.

You’ll get a lot of empathy and support here but I can imagine your frustration and I’m not an MDshrink or even a licensed therapist. Not out of the question for other member, I guess.

You may want to see a doc who specializes in sexuality. She might suggest surrogacy. Nothing to fear there and I would bet that you wouldn’t feel dirty.

Just a thought.

Call a doctor.

I'm not saying you're a nymphomaniac at all, but there was a moment in the Movie A two volume set called Nymphomaniac, that took you on a sexual rollercoaster, and then, all of a sudden, she couldn't enjoy it and her life felt empty. It was an addiction that could on longer be fed and it was like a right arm being cut off, she wasn't herself anymore. I use to be hypersexual myself and once i was put on an SSRI i lost my entire libido and it was so frustrating because it was a coping mechanism for my depression that boosted my mood, it was the sure fire way to give me Euphoria and cure my depression for the rest of the day. I can give you hope that as soon as i got off the drug my sex drive returned, but lessoned to a more normal desire. I'd describe the experience as me being under dark water where my senses were all weakened, and there being a barrier that i just couldn't reach anymore.

I think a therapist might help, because this seems situational and not biological, even though those two things often intermingle. Don't give up hope, I think there is hope, you just need to see sex through a different lens maybe. I do recommend the movie Nymphomaniac to get the full confession of a sex addict. It was hard for me to watch because i could relate so much to it.

It's not so bad to be averse some of us have it to any closeness especially via the face kissing etc. It doesn't have to define you especially if you had plenty. Just make sure it doesnt seem like a punishment or death or some fight within. We are all broken a and hoping to put together something whole is what psychology tells us also why we get into what else satisfies us.