Gf feels like "damaged goods" because of sex trauma

Hello,
I've been dating my highschool sweetheart for four years now, and our relationship has been going great! However, since the start of the relationship we've been having some trouble when it comes to sex due to the fact that she's been traumatized by ex-boyfriends. I have no problems with abstaining from certain actions but it really seems to bother her since she constantly feels like "damaged goods".

She's been to the gyno to make sure that there's nothing physically wrong, and there wasn't- but she actually fainted during the examination.

How should I go about this? She really wants to do more but is afraid that this is incurable. Personally I've told her that I don't mind and that it doesn't affect the relationship negatively, but it's really bothering her on a self-esteem level.

Whatever the case, I just want what's best for her. Should I find her a therapist? If so what kind of therapist?

And if any of you are on the same boat as her, I would like to know what has helped you get through/cope with this?

Thank you so much.

Well... this is just my personal opinion okay? But I don't believe there is really anything you can do here other than to continue to be sensitive to what your gf is & isn't comfortable with. Your gf is the one who needs to address these issues... presumably by finding a therapist she feels comfortable with & working with that person over a period of time to address her issues.

You cannot find your gf a therapist. The relationship between a therapy client & a therapist is a very personal thing. And not every therapist works well with every client. Sometimes a person has to "try out" several therapists before finding one who actually "fits". So really... your gf is the one who is going to have to have to figure out what therapists are available to her geographically & then decide on which one, or ones, to try. Some therapists specialize in treating indidviduals with a particular type of disorder. However my experience at least has been that most therapists are more "generalists" & will see clients with a variety of different concerns. At least from my perspective, your gf's comfort level with the therapist she sees will be what is important.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of finding a therapist. The first article presents information regarding PC's Find a Therapist service:

https://psychcentral.com/find-help/

https://psychcentral.com/find-therapist/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-way...ood-therapist/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...pist-you-love/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-t...fford-therapy/

My best wishes to you both...

If she fainted during the examination then I suggest that she see a sex therapist. I recommend that she look for someone who is a member of the American Association of Certified Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).

www.aasect.org

Like Skeezyks said you can’t really do the find a therapist thing. She needs to do this herself. The best thing you can do is continue to be supportive.

I agree with the others, SgrA.

You sound like a wonderful boyfriend, very supportive and that's terrific!

In my experience though, your gf has to be ready to commit to seeking out help from a qualified resource. A sex therapist would be helpful ~ but she has to be ready.

My ex-hub and I worked with a sex therapist, due to my abusive past, and it was not easy or comfortable for me. 20 years later, and I still carry a deep feeling of shame and avoidance with myself. I therefore tend to dissociate during some sexual acts, to protect myself emotionally.

As you can see, it's complicated.