Losing hope because of sexual dysfunction

I guess I'm just looking for support and if anyone has any experience or knows if there's any hope...

Because of sensory issues and physical issues, usually sex (both intercourse and foreplay) is a mix of anxiety and pain. Foreplay by itself can cause hours if not days of pain. I can't even masturbate without pain. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I often try to drink first just so I can relax and have my senses dulled a little bit. But it doesn't completely take away the pain and anxiety.

I've talked about it with my therapist. I've been to a doctor (who has since referred me on to a physical therapist). I've avoided anything that would irritate the area as much as I can. But it only does so much. Physical therapy may be my last hope, but I don't know how that would solve the issue of pain and irritation from just foreplay. So maybe there is no hope after all?

The worst part of all of this is I have a pretty high sex drive that I have to squash just so I feel less of a need to masturbate. I realize it's a moot point to argue how unfair this is, but it's cruel to have a pretty high sexual need that can't be met in any way. It must be that I'm being punished for something, but what? My sexuality? My gender identity? The fact that I've found anyone other than my partner to be sexually attractive? Maybe there is some sort of higher being and I AM being punished for one or all of these things. It just keeps getting worse over time.

Hi there.

No, you are not being punished.
Being physically handicapped since birth and also mostly asexual, I know how messy everything can get and how one can indulge in self pity and sorrow. So, I can suggest just one recipe that works for me - stop taking it personal. Yes, it's a problem and it's important. Yes, you shouldn't ignore it and shouldn't be silent about it. And, of course, don't give up, visit doctors and carefully try new treatments. Be open about it with your partner. It should be something that you both should accept.
But also don't make it all about you. Try to find other things that give you pleasure. Try to be neutral or even somewhat self-ironic about it - it really helps to get through some "black days".

Take care.