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samj40
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Default Apr 22, 2018 at 02:31 PM
  #1
So some things have happened recently and I thought I'd answered a few questions I had about myself, but I think it just raised even more questions.

As some background info...

I'm transgender (androgyne/transmasculine), I just recently had my long term and long distance relationship turn sexual, I suffer from depression, ADHD and I'm mostly medicated (meds + orgasm = impossible).

Here's the thing... I'm really into my partner. However I'd rather please them than have them please me, I'm not really into being on the receiving end of any sexual acts. I could, and can, spend hours pleasing them, though. We're both into kink, particularly BDSM, and I consider myself a switch. But I enjoy kink as kink, not necessarily as a sexual act in itself. If that makes sense?

I feel like I'm somehow broken because I have no trouble with kink or giving sexual pleasure, I just don't want to be on the receiving end when it comes to sex because I get practically nothing from it. I don't know if I'm asexual/grey ace or if it's because I'm trans or because of my depression/meds.

Is this a normal asexual thing? I feel like I can't use the term asexual for myself because I have no trouble with giving and kink, just... Yeah. It honestly just feels like a massive part of me is irreparable.
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Travelinglady
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Default Apr 22, 2018 at 06:58 PM
  #2
I don't know. Maybe your partner needs to find some other ways to please you.
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Smitkit
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Default Apr 25, 2018 at 05:04 PM
  #3
Do you feel like it could be based in some emotional issues? Ie. you feel undeserving of pleasure?

I would think giving would be equally unattractive if you were asexual. Def wouldn’t call you dysfunctional.

Personally I am all about my partner as well. For me it’s rooted in desire for perfection, etc. knowing they were satisfied is worth so much more than an orgasm for me.

When it comes to recieving, my head is never in it.

I know many individuals who are just givers, that is the thing that provides them pleasure. Regardless of the reason, there is nothing wrong with being that way.

Not sure if this helps, but communication always helps and the right partner. Sometimes it just takes that one person to bring you out of your shell.
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Shazerac
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Default Apr 26, 2018 at 07:31 PM
  #4
Better be careful, if you engage in any sexual activity at all - the ACE community will want your head in a platter. You could be sort of asexual. I think I’m somewhere in the category because I’m really ambivalent about sex. Can take it or leave it.

Like the others said maybe your a giver type personality. Also if you are on Meds those definately effect libido and can prevent orgasm. How you feel about this is the only thing that makes it a problem. If you think you are dysfunctional it might help to explore this with a therapist who is familiar with trans issues.

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Sepiida
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Default Apr 29, 2018 at 07:28 PM
  #5
Demisexual, maybe? You're open to kink and pleasing a partner you like, but it's specific to that person.

I enjoy sex generally, but one quirk I (genderfluid FAAB) have is that I like to give oral, don't like to receive it. There's no deep psychological or physiological reason behind it, I just don't like how it feels. You should be able to like what you like and dislike what you dislike as long as you and your partner are on the same page.
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