I’m feeling guilty, stressed and ashamed

Hi, so I think I have a problem and I need to tell it cause it’s causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. The problem is: when I was 9 or 10 I watched YouTube and all that stuff, while I was there, there was a video, the title was innocent as other YouTube videos totally normal, in the video there was a person reacting to another video but it wasn’t normal at all. It was kind of popular at the time I guess, It showd kids but in another context, they were in an school and I think a teacher recorded it. They were dancing but in a “bad” way, in a bad context. At the time I didn’t know that those kinds of things were illegal and I felt uncomfortable, didn’t know how to feel. My life has been full of mental problems related to sexuality and it causes me a lot of trouble, I didn’t remember until now that I saw it. And I’m afraid and ashamed because of it, I just don’t want to be judge like I’m a criminal for it, I’m scared. I’m 14 years old by the way. Any advice? My parents don’t believe I need to go to a psychologist or look for therapy but they don’t know all these things and that I used to watch pornography during my 11 or 12 years if I tell them I will disappoint them. Some advice? Am I a criminal? What could I possibly do?

You know... what happened to you, as far as seeing that YouTube video goes, is something that happens to each & every one of us at some point in our young lives in one way or another. We become exposed to "the realities" of human sexuality (as opposed to, for example, an educational video such as might be shown in school.) And I would suspect that, if you could take a poll, you'd find out that a very large percentage of young teens nowadays have watched porn too. You're not bad. There's nothing to be ashamed of. And you're certainly not a criminal! You're simply a young person who's just beginning to be exposed to the realities of human sexuality.

You mentioned that you're experiencing a lot of stress & anxiety over this & that you're scared. That's certainly understandable if you're feeling as though you may be some sort of criminal. I want to tell you, in the strongest way possible that you're perfectly okay. You wrote that you don't want to tell your parents about your having watched porn. That's certainly understandable. I do think it would be great if you could see a therapist though so you could have someone in real life you could talk to about all of this. Talking it through in real life, over a period of time with a mental health professional, might really help you to put all of this into perspective & to begin to feel more comfortable with it.

I see you're in Mexico. I don't know how mental health services are provided there. Could you possibly approach your parents again about the possibility of seeing a therapist? Perhaps you could just mention that you're feeling really anxious & stressed out... maybe about school... something like that? Another way of getting started, at least, might be to talk with a counselor at your school, if there is one, again... in a general way about the fact that you're experiencing anxiety (without bringing up the porn stuff...)

The other way to look at this, perhaps, is that maybe what you're experiencing isn't really so much about sexuality as it is the fact that you are struggling with a lot of stress & anxiety in general. And sexuality is simply how your stress & anxiety is "finding it's way to the surface", so to speak. And if that's the case, then perhaps finding ways to reduce your stress & anxiety in general will help to calm your concerns related to the video you saw on YouTube & the porn you watched. So, with that thought in mind, here's a link to one article, from PsychCentral's archives, with some basic ideas on how to lower your level of stress & anxiety:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...iety-symptoms/

And then, of course, writing about how you're feeling can help too. One way to do it would be to write in a journal. But you can also continue posting here on PC. Please take care. My best wishes to you.

Thanks for all the support, is really helpful and I’m really less anxious now, I’ll see a way to talk to a therapist or school counselor. Thanks for all the help

Big hugs!


WC