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eelsauces
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Default May 04, 2018 at 09:45 AM
  #1
This will probably be more difficult for me to talk about than things I've talked about in the past, but I need to talk to someone about it... I'm a very submissive masochist. I fantasize about being hurt by boyfriends a lot, both physically and emotionally. My current boyfriend is aware of this and I trust him not to do anything to me that I don't consent to, but I just wonder a lot, am I bad or gross for this? For wanting to be controlled so much? I can't imagine that it's normal to be this way. I feel guilty and ashamed but I can't help feeling the way I do.
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Heart May 04, 2018 at 10:01 AM
  #2
No, you are not a bad person. You are who you are—and as long as you are engaging with consenting adults—no problemoh. I’m glad you trust your boyfriend, just establish some ground rules, and have a safe word—that stops all action. Enjoy.
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Default May 04, 2018 at 03:16 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by eelsauces View Post
This will probably be more difficult for me to talk about than things I've talked about in the past, but I need to talk to someone about it... I'm a very submissive masochist. I fantasize about being hurt by boyfriends a lot, both physically and emotionally. My current boyfriend is aware of this and I trust him not to do anything to me that I don't consent to, but I just wonder a lot, am I bad or gross for this? For wanting to be controlled so much? I can't imagine that it's normal to be this way. I feel guilty and ashamed but I can't help feeling the way I do.
I've never met a bad person who questioned whether or not they were bad. The bad ones simply don't care enough to ask the question.

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Default May 04, 2018 at 10:56 PM
  #4
Hi eelsauces,

No, I don't think you're a bad person at all. Sexuality is complex and varied and exciting and confusing. But as long as you can have honest conversations with your boyfriend about your desires and his, and as long as you're both cognizant of each other's feelings, comfort and needs, you can have any type of sex you want.
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Default May 05, 2018 at 05:19 PM
  #5
For me personally it helps a lot if I separate me as a conscious being from the strange desires and reactions of my subconscious. Then I can inspect my subconscious in more neutral manner without feeling ashamed of it or identifying myself with it. This leads to greater sense of freedom and ability to open up to a partner and talk about this. We all have some quirks and "strange subconscious desires" that sometimes don't make much sense even to ourselves, but it's just that - subconscious desire to "play games". So, you can let it play in safe environment and see how it goes. Another thing is that subconsciousness likes mysteries, and sometimes being so open about something makes the mystery go away, thus the desires can also fade.
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Default May 08, 2018 at 10:15 PM
  #6
You are in no way bad or gross nor should you feel any shame or guilt for just being who you are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your desires as long they do not hurt anyone else in the process and as long as whatever you participate in is totally consensual. I am a submissive and a masochist. My boyfriend is my dominant and he is a sadist. Everything we do is completely consensual, negotiated as equals ahead of time and limits are respected with safety precautions put in place. I live the BDSM lifestyle as a choice in order to be true to who and what I am. I am very active within my local BDSM community, volunteer as a dungeon monitor at my local club and teach a submissive 101 class. I am also a perfectly "normal" person with a "normal" life, lol...single Mom, respected career, etc. There are so many people like you and me and a whole supportive community out there in regards to kinky lifestyles. There is nothing wrong with us. Please feel free to message me if you have questions or want support. No one should ever feel ashamed or be judged because of their wants, needs and/or desires as long as they are sought and fulfilled responsibly.
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