how to be comfortable in a much bigger body, for a woman?

I have gained weight on meds, and, the weight is on my belly. I in general find large women beautiful, but only so long as they have pronounced waistlines, and I do not. I find that it is giving me a lot of insecurity in sex, probably because I received highly negative feedback from two men in the past who were both very important to me (and I to them). The thing is, there are new men out there who do not seem to be bothered at all, but I still am. To reiterate, I am only insecure because I have belly fat - I am not bothered by ample thighs, say, and actually find them sexy. Maybe I should look into underwear such as camisoles that hide this area?

I can understand where you’re coming from. Even tho I dropped my last prego weight I still carry a large portion of my weight in my stomach & I really hate it. I feel very self conscious about it as well. It a very hard limit area when it’s even touched.

So are you worried about what you look like in the bedroom during sex or while dating or just not feeling sexy?

self conscious, exactly! not insecure, but self conscious. And since pregnancy weight (X3) would come off effortlessly, probably because I had my children in my twenties when the body recovers more easily, I am facing this problem for the first time. I am worried about what I look like in the bedroom during sex.

Well, get ready for some really lame advice. Talk to your therapist about ways to become more comfortable with your body. Confidence is sexy and contagious in the bedroom.

I smile. But it is true about confidence.

Yes there r men out there that do not care about body shapes as some others do. They make you feel sexy not only in your skin but also in your mind. Find them!! Lol.
So if you’re self conscious maybe find something that accentuates your positives in the bedroom attire area. Maybe a teddy? There’s just so much out there that hopefully you’ll find something that makes you comfortable & sexy.
I’d also be very upfront about this insecurity so a potential partner doesn’t off handedly make a smart comment that can potentially hurt you bec if you’re like me....I don’t forget those comments.
I have 8 scars on my torso relating to my “reproductive yrs”....I’ve been told that they are beautiful & my warrior scars I carry with me as a badge of honor being called a woman. This philosophy touched me a great deal & I try to view my body differently now. I try to love my scars & even my stomach. Not easy chore!
But yes I agree with above that confidence carries in the bedroom. Even how I stand & my posture shows my partner that “this is me....with scars & a big belly, accept it or not.”
I think self positive talk & a conversation in front of a full length mirror can help. It’s not popular bec we wanto see what we looked like in our 20’s & young. But we’re sooo much wiser now!!
Sidenote: have you looked into corsets? Corsets can make a difference in our shape, posture & how clothes drape on us. There’s so many different types of corsets now, women into tight lacing & corset training for the more serious person. Plus I think they are sexy as hell. But do lots of homework first before you buy; it can make a huge difference.
I hope you get that confidence back you’re searching for!

Totally understand. Do you feel better in shape wear? How about corsets? I know they're not always super comfortable, but some are. They may also help your posture and put a little strut in your step. Those things aren't for everyone, but I love the feeling of all my bits being held in place! I never leave the house without my Thalia shaper.

Besides focusing on downplaying your midsection, play up your full thighs with stockings. Wear tight panties to show off your bum. Amp up the cleavage. Remind yourself of the areas you love.

As to the two men in your life who dropped negativity bombs, let me quote Margaret Cho: "If you're worried about what I look like when you're f***ing me, you shouldn't be f***ing me in the first place!" Last time someone said something about my anatomy that I didn't appreciate, he was fired from his position. Ain't got time for that noise.

My problems are a little farther up, and they are JJs. That may not sound like such a bad thing, but I think they make my otherwise average frame look gigantic. Like you, I don't mind being large, but I don't feel beautiful when I have to go up to a size 14 dress, even if it's just because of my girls. People lust after Jessica Rabbit, but that shape does not feel sexy when it's crammed into clothes meant for normally shaped people. Come to think of it, a personal shopper might be helpful, too.

Best of luck!

Thank you, ladies! I have not had luck with shapewear, possibly not due to constriction, but simply to having something very close to my skin - I also cannot wear turtlenecks because I cannot stop feeling that they bother my neck. But I will look into corsets that lace up and thus allow for a looser feel.

Sepilda, I am about size 18 so size 14 does not seem large, but I do understand that if you are otherwise a much lower size, going up to accommodate the breasts feels unpleasant. I think TORRID has solutions for that - they specifically call out such shapes. And the current fashion of caged tops might be right what you need - they do not feel constricting and at the same time play up the top assets.