hebephilia and ephebophilia

I have ocd over this problem. like I feel like I could be attracted to them, and I am paranoid about people thinking I am a monster. there isn't really porn for this sort of thing, well there is but I refuse to look up pornography as it will be exploiting people of that age. so I don't quite know how to deal with this? I guess I mainly just look at pictures of girls those ages and sometimes look at the school girls who walk down my road when they aren't looking. it's weird because the motivation has often been more like a fascination rather than sexual preference, I guess I am constantly trying to test myself and see how much this turns me on, so I can question my sexuality. I know I am not going to act on this but I have run through my head fantasy scenario's where a girl of that age would become friends with me and seduce me and knowing that this fantasy turns me on makes me uncomfortable and carries some guilt. this isn't my only sexual interest so in some ways it is easier to manage than if it was my sole preference. whenever the word peadophile comes up I become incredibly uncomfortable because to the general public this is peadophilia. I have never had sexual thoughts for children that are under the age of puberty that I know of, but I get ocd around children because of this paranoia that I think I am a monster and that others think I am a monster.
how do other people with similar thoughts deal with these issues?

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may of some help with this. As I believe the first article in this list points out, what is important here is not the subject matter of the intrusive thoughts you are having but rather the process by which you are dealing with them. Hopefully these articles can be of some help:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/ocd-r...bout-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways...tuck-thoughts/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/2...sive-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...sive-thoughts/

The other technique I might recommend to you would be the practice of compassionate abiding. It's how I deal with my own intrusive thoughts. And I believe it is in keeping with the perspective offered in the first article in the list above. Here's a link to a description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

I wish you well...

that is really brilliant, thank you for linking those.

I sounds to me like you are both a hebephile and have Ocd. If you want to pm me you can I have some experience with this. What is an ephebophile?

interest in 15-19 yr olds. I have less ocd about this but I still tend to feel like a creep.

Well have you had any childhood sexual abuse? I used to believe sexuality was a very black and white thing. It really isnt and for some more than others. You dont act so thats good. Although viewing porn or embracing fantasies by looking only drives us closer to acting. In the end though would you blame yourself if you had diabetes, or a heart condition? Its the same. Not your fault and Im sure you dont like the way you are. You didnt say hmmm when i get older i think i will like teenagers. So be kind to you.