Am I a pedophile?!

Hi so I have this fears and they’re always making me nauseous just to think about it.
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!
I may have sexual issues or at least for me they are, when I was a kid I used to “self-stimulate” a lot and like I’ve mentioned in some of my posts I used to watch pornography and I regret it a lot.
I always think I am a bad person, even a criminal because I always ask myself if I’ve hurted people in a kind of sexual way. I don’t like to watch people because sometimes my eyes look at something I shouldn’t and it annoys me a lot.
Why am I like these? I always ask myself that question and start to feel really bad about it. I think that just staring at people is bad.
The issue here is that even though I thought I had OCD now I’m not sure, there are always intrusive thoughts related to peodphilia and today something happened: My sister and I share bethrooms (we are both girls) and I have to change for school in the morning; my sister as well, (she is just a kid) she sometimes tends to stay in underware while changing and I’ve told her to cover up with something, it makes me scared thinking that I make her uncormftable or even that I’m capable of abuse her, and I hate to say it but sometimes I get “turned up” in random occasions, and with these the intrusive thoughts come and I feel really dirty and feel like vomiting, this time I felt “turned up” when my sister was changing clothes, and I didn’t liked it it was horrible
I got scared and when I get “turned up” I feel irritating and annoyed because I hate that feeling.
Also yesterday I went to my bedroom to sleep but I had to change to my pijama, my sister was sleeping so I started to change but then a thought crossed my mind, what if she is watching? What if I made her uncormftable? This things are worrying me a lot and I’m really anxious about everything again. Can someone tell me what’s wrong with me? What do I do? Shall I stay away from children and my family?

Hi. I don't really know if you're a pedophile or not, but I think no, you're not. And you seem to be quite upset by what's going through your mind and how your sister might be feeling as well, and all I can say is, I think you're a good person. I think if your sister hasn't expressed any distress or discomfort about you then you can assume she is okay. As long as you have the love for your sister, that's the main thing. I think you're asking yourself the right questions regarding these things too, and maybe some kind of counseling or therapy could help you put this in it's proper place? or you could keep reaching out for feedback as well.

I dont think you are a pedophile either. I think you have pedophilia Ocd but I am not a doctor. You might get more help in the Ocd forum.

I would have said you probably have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder which seems more about the obsessive and intrusive thoughts than about compulsion, per se. I'm not a doctor, though.

I think it's simply that you are more sensitive to social norms, like now that your sister is older, she should dress by herself in her own room or bathroom. You may simply be over-worrying it. And dragging it out into the light of day like this is a step in the right direction of relieving you of that worry.

Staying away from your family is not the best idea, either. They're your support network. I think if you talked about this with a professional therapist, it might help a lot in reassuring you and making you feel better about who you are right now. That's really all that matters: This moment, here and now as you read this. Who are you right now? Who do you want to be? That is all you need to focus on, and let the past (your past sexuality issues) bury the past. All that matters right now is that you are someone who is concerned, and in need of support and reassurance, I think.

In the link is an article from the International OCD Foundation.

The article is entitled "Am I a Monster? An Overview of Common Features, Typical Course, Shame and Treatment of Pedophilia OCD"

I hope that it will be helpful to you.

International OCD Foundation | Am I a Monster? An Overview of Common Features, Typical Course, Shame and Treatment of Pedophilia OCD (pOCD)

Your probably hypersexual. When remembering or fantasizing make sure it's not of you or anyone else at a very young age even if it's a memory. A lot of people when being molested think of their own bodies to achieve arousal. And at a young age this could cause attraction to young people. It's a milestone in whate develops hypersexuality. Just make sure to change those memories and fantasies and replace them with adult ones. 💚