Sexuality and psychosis

Every time I have a psychotic episode I start hearing voices saying 'you're a lesbian'. I have been a bit confused when not psychotic to be honest, and I wonder if the voices have real meaning and are trying to tell me something.

The problem is that I reckon overall I seem to prefer looking at women's bodies but prefer men's faces. Also I can only imagine being in a relationship with a man. The idea of waking up next to a woman and having a cuddle feels like a mother daughter thing and that is just strange to me. I don't know how it feels for a lesbian to wake up with a woman.. I guess it's like I feel with men, secure and safe/happy.

The other thing is I have never had a crush or fancied a woman in my own life, but I tend to see more famous women who I think are attractive than I do famous men. In real life I tend to notice men more and more instantly, and I don't have any interest in taking it anywhere if I think a woman is pretty. But still if I think women's bodies are overall more attractive, doesn't that mean I am a lesbian? I have read as much.

Woman's genitals don't hold any appeal for me, but then I am not a fan of men's much either. When I have had sex with men it has almost always been painful, and I have arousal problems. I have been on antidepressants since I was 17, and am now again on antipsychotics, so that might be related. But I wonder if the reason I don't enjoy sex is because I am a lesbian and have just never tried it with a woman. Ultimately though I can't see me having any kind of serious relationship with a woman, as it doesn't feel right for me. But could I still be a lesbian but not have romantic feelings for women, only for men?

Also when I was psychotic recently I came out as a lesbian to a few people, even though I have never loved a woman or fancied one. I guess with the psychosis and not thinking properly because of it I convinced myself I was. But I could just be fooling myself. Maybe I am and I just haven't met a woman I like. Either way it has been spread about that I am a lesbian, and it isn't psychosis; I had that confirmed to me today.

Does anyone else get more confused about their sexuality when they have psychosis? I would love some advice as to this sexuality problem.. it does annoy me a lot.. and I can't be with a man now anyway since it has been spread about that I am a lesbian, and no one would believe me if I said I wasn't anyway, after saying I was to some people. It is not the sort of thing you say and then take back.

I am not really interested in a relationship with anyone anyway, so is not a big deal if others think I am a lesbian. But if I am a lesbian I would rather be clear on it, so I can move on with my life. I don't know how I can be the age I am and not have known, but there has always been a bit of confusion.

I hope I have not offended anyone with this post. Apologies if I have..

I don't know as I have anything really useful to offer here. But noticed you posted this quite a few days ago now & never received any replies. So I thought I would at least make an attempt. Hopefully other members, here on PC, will yet chime in with their own, perhaps more useful, replies.

I should mention that I'm an old man ... but one who has had a life-long struggle with gender identity dysphoria. So, while my sexual orientation has never been in question (decidedly heterosexual) my gender identity has pretty-much always been in question... which has made the whole situation just that much more confusing.

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't speak to any of this definitively. But, based on my own personal experience with issues surrounding my gender identity, the one thing I feel confident in saying is that issues related to human sexuality can be really complicated. Personally I doubt the fact that you heard voices saying you are lesbian, during a psychotic episode, suggests you are lesbian any more than having a dream about having sex with a person of the same gender would mean a person is homosexual. We're all complicated mixtures of gender identity & sexual orientation. The traditional sexual orientation & gender identity binaries are really more a social construct than a biological or psychological reality I believe.

I used to be active on YouTube. And I followed a woman who posted photo montage videos accompanied by music she was fond of. She's since left YouTube (although her channel is still there.) But, while she was active, I had the opportunity to have some communication with her via YouTube's messaging service. Some of the photo montages she posted contained quite a bit of female semi-nudity. And I recall her telling me at one point that she felt the female body was more attractive than the male. She was not lesbian. She simply found the female body to be more attractive.

So the fact you seem to prefer looking at womens' bodies doesn't, I don't believe, necessarily say anything about your sexual orientation. It seems to me you could be predominently heterosexual but also have some small "component", so to speak, of same-sex interest. I suspect, in the whole scheme of things, that would make you pretty normal. Or, the other possibility is that you just think women have prettier bodies, like my former acquaintance on YouTube. You mentioned you're really not interested in a relationship anyway at this point. So there's time to allow all of this to settle out. However should it continue to feel like a problem, you may want to delve into it with the assistance of a knowledgeable human sexuality therapist. As I mentioned above, concerns such as these can be really confusing! At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.

Thanks for replying. Yeah I think I do believe women have prettier bodies, more attractive, but I don't have any desire to be with a woman, and tend to only look at men as potential love interests.

Maybe the only way I can know is by being with a woman, because I know I have problems getting aroused with men and it might be that I find it more 'natural' with women; I just can't imagine being in a long term relationship with a female. And I don't really have a desire to be with a woman, have never met a woman in my own life I have actively fancied, so either my brain needs a good overhaul, or I am maybe bisexual? I don't know. Am getting unwanted interest from guys online just now so if I was a lesbian that would certainly put that to bed as it were even though I would find it difficult to 'come out' on facebook if that were the case.

Anyway, am grateful for the reply.. maybe I am like your friend, am not sure.

It's pretty normal for people to discover that they're LGBT later in life, so no worries there. I've heard of people coming out in their 70s or later. Most of us don't get the chance to explore our feelings about gender or sexuality until we get a little older, I think.


It's also very normal for people who are first coming into their feelings to feel conflicted like you do, or feel like they could imagine sex with someone, but not romance, or vise versa. As you get more comfortable with your attraction to women, that might change.


What you say about women being prettier and more attractive than men is an almost sure-fire sign that you are attracted to them, by the way. Every woman-loving-woman I've ever met has felt that way, and many have talked about feeling that way before they were aware they were attracted to women.


I can't say how psychosis plays into it, but it sounds like some part of your mind really believes you are a lesbian already. You could be bi, too, but if the label 'lesbian' feels right to you, there may be a reason.

Can you be bisexual but prefer women's bodies though? I prefer men's faces, so it's a bit confusing.

I don't know how I am going to get used to the fact that I am a lesbian if I am one, though. So used to thinking 'straight', as it were, and it unsettles me to think of being with a woman. You might be right, though, maybe I just need to come to terms with it. I am sorry if this offends anyone who is gay here, at my age though, after all this time, it feels strange. But I guess in a society which expects you to be straight, and raises you that way, it's normal for it to feel strange at first. I have had these worries since I was a teenager though, but it hasn't really been that much of a problem until the last few years. Could taking antipsychotics cause it, as I know it increases testosterone. I have never heard that more testosterone changes your sexuality, is just a question, excuse my stupidity if it is wrong. It's just since being on antipsychotics things have been more evident.

Once again apologies if I have offended anyone with the post.

That's absolutely possible. I'm bi, but have a preference for women. It's very common, in fact, and there's no right way to be bi.


I hadn't heard that anti-psychotics increases testosterone, that's interesting! But no, I don't think that's a cause, especially if you've had thoughts like this for several years now. Changing hormones can affect your moods, which I can see affecting how you perceive yourself or how much energy you have to self-reflect.

Yeah, I think they increase testosterone, am not sure but have heard it.

Surely being a woman more attracted to women than men makes me a lesbian? I mean we are all on a spectrum of attraction anyway, people who identify as straight can find others of the same sex attractive and vice versa.

me and my wife are both bisexual women. Before we got together we both dated men and women and our ex's are a mix of both genders. One difference between us is I've never had a male sexual partner before (for various reasons), while she has. Another major difference is I'm more attracted (sexually and physically) to women while she's usually more attracted to men. Just because we ended up in a same sex marriage doesn't change the fact that we're both bisexual women.

When it comes to celebrities and various attractions in our daily lives we still find different people from both genders attractive. For example, I've had the same crush on Cristina Scabbia for YEARS now! (I've even told my wife she's the only person I would ever leave her for and she says she totally wouldn't hold it against me if I did, lol.) And I also have the same strong sexual attraction towards Jason Momoa.

I've always had the philosophy that if it feels good and it doesn't hurt anyone enjoy it. I never spent much time caring about what others think or labeling **** when it doesn't need to be labeled (labels only seem to complicate things), but since I had my stroke 3 months ago I worry even less about things like that and worry about living life to the fullest (The type of stroke I had was a very rare kind with a very high mortality rate... so I'm extremely lucky to be alive). I wish I had better advice, but I feel you need to stop worrying about it and just enjoy it... whether it be with a man or a woman. Just my 2 cents is all.

No, straight people feel no attraction to the same gender. I can see why you would think that. Many people think or say they're straight, when really they identify that way due to societal pressure and expectations, not because it reflects their actual feelings.

Lesbian is a label for women who are only attracted to women. I wouldn't use it unless you're sure you aren't attracted at all to men.

You don't have to know what you are right away either. For now, I think bi fits you as a label, as you say you are attracted to men and women. Even if you are more attracted to women, like I said, that's normal for a lot of bi people. The bi label totally contains all different types of levels of different attraction.

If it turns out later that you are a lesbian, that's totally fine! Use whatever label is comfortable for you, and accurate to your experiences. Or, like the previous poster said, you don't have to use a label at all. What's important for right now is that you accept and explore your feelings.

It depends what you mean by attraction, people who identify as straight can appreciate if someone of the same sex is good looking.

Maybe I have never experienced proper attraction then, I know a woman who identifies as a lesbian who stopped watching a show because the lead male role changed and she didn't think the new one was good looking!

And then there are different types of attraction. Physical attraction is different from being attracted to someone's mind. I fell for a guy online a few year's ago and I hadn't seen him, I just found who he was and his intelligence/what he believed attractive. So I am wondering what you mean by attraction.. it is complicated.

I consider romantic/sexual attraction different than the ability to tell if someone is good looking or not. As you experienced, it's very possible to be attracted to someone without seeing what they look like at all. Whether someone is good looking or not can influence your attraction to them, of course, but in any case, I agree, attraction is complicated!
I just know that the definition of lesbian I have always heard is, not being attracted to men at all. If you would still consider being in a relationship with a man, I'd suggest you identify as bi. There are other labels that encompass being attracted to multiple genders too, like pansexual, polysexual, or omnisexual. You may want to do some more research on those, if you're questioning.

I'm bi, and I'm way more attracted to women then I am men most of the time. It's perfectly normal for bi people to have a preference.

I don't know that I would consider a relationship with anyone atm, I am no good at them. But if I can still be attracted to men more in a non physical than physical way (although I do find some men attractive) then I suppose I am bisexual, I don't know. It is all a bit mixed up really, with women I don't normally find them instantly attractive, but with men I do, but the longer I look at women (more their bodies than their faces) the more I find them more attractive.

When I stand close to women (even ones I don't think are attractive) I get the urge to kiss them on the lips, not French kissing as far as I know, but I get this with men sometimes too. So maybe bisexual is pretty accurate really. On the other hand with OCD, which I have, unwanted sexual thoughts and urges are normal, and if I am distracted I don't get the urges. If a woman I think is pretty has a dog with her I focus on the dog, same with men. There is no urge. So could that be OCD? Surely if you are attracted to someone nothing will get rid of the thoughts?

I have heard of pansexual but not omnisexual or polysexual. I will look them up. Thank you.

antidepressants are known to ruin sex lives. Maybe talk to your doctor about it. I am not a doctor but your feelings are probably normal. I don't know what to say about this situation but honestly do not let a voice belittle you and decide what you could turn into. You are entitled to make your own decision. If you wanna love a man then be with a man and feel secure. If you are attracted with women then you take that route if you feel comfortable around women. I won't judge you but do not let a voice decide who you really are and how you feel and defy as a person.