Sadism/masochism

Aug 07, 2018 at 07:31 PM

I know sadism and masochism are no longer considered mental illnesses in and of themselves. However, do you think they are tied to mental illness generally or independant?

I am a masochist. I could get more in depth, but I'll keep it to myself. I have past trauma and PTSD, borderline that I think contribute to my masochism. For me I think there is a correlation between my mental health and my desires.

I just wanted to see if anyone else would weigh in with their thoughts. No judgement of course. Feel free to PM me if you arent comfortable sharing here.

I guess I'm wondering as well if there is a point it becomes unhealthy.

marvin_pa · Aug 08, 2018 at 10:15 AM

I think that everything is ultimately interrelated, but also that humans are too complicated to automatically link an individual preference/leaning to a psychological/biochemical/environmental response - there are simply too many potential factors at play. That's not to say that there isn't a link - more that any linkages are likely too complex/subtle/individual to draw anything like firm conclusions from.

Aug 08, 2018 at 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marvin_pa

I think that everything is ultimately interrelated, but also that humans are too complicated to automatically link an individual preference/leaning to a psychological/biochemical/environmental response - there are simply too many potential factors at play. That's not to say that there isn't a link - more that any linkages are likely too complex/subtle/individual to draw anything like firm conclusions from.

Fair, but I still think it's an interesting discussion. I'm always curious about how my brain works and exploring that.

LacunaCoiler · Aug 09, 2018 at 11:42 AM

If I had to label myself I would say I'm more of a masochist. I really didn't have much trouble growing up, quite boring actually, though I did have some emotional neglect and my parents did/still do play favorites. But I dunno if that contributes to my need of pain per say, I just find certain pains and be called certain names/words arousing. I, speaking from personal experience of course, feel it's independent of my mental state and up bringing. It's just a preference for me, at least that's how I feel.

MistressStayc · Aug 12, 2018 at 01:10 AM

I am a masochist and I think that issues in my past and my MI definitely play into it for me. While I do process certain pains as pleasure and get aroused sexually from it, receiving pain can also just be a coping skill to quiet the noise in my head and not be sexually based as well. I guess you could argue it is a way to self harm without really self harming since my partner, who is a sadist, does it for me...I am quite honest with myself about it.

Aug 12, 2018 at 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MistressStayc

I am a masochist and I think that issues in my past and my MI definitely play into it for me. While I do process certain pains as pleasure and get aroused sexually from it, receiving pain can also just be a coping skill to quiet the noise in my head and not be sexually based as well. I guess you could argue it is a way to self harm without really self harming since my partner, who is a sadist, does it for me...I am quite honest with myself about it.

Thank you so much for sharing. I completely relate to what you are saying.

Physical pain also relieves my emotional pain. It feels better than emotional pain. It's part of why I crave it.

winter loneliness · Aug 13, 2018 at 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl2

Thank you so much for sharing. I completely relate to what you are saying.

Physical pain also relieves my emotional pain. It feels better than emotional pain. It's part of why I crave it.

This makes sense. I have heard that some borderlines or self-harmers get tattoos to be "hurt".

nikon · Aug 14, 2018 at 11:41 AM

i can relate. i've always been turned on by pain, and now find it so confusing, because i'm in recovery from self harm and don't know what is ok and what isn't. i have no idea if something in my upbringing made me this way, but i suspect so, because i've been this way as long as i can remember.
this might be triggering...

with self-harming it was never sexual for me, but i found it relaxing and do find stuff like getting piercings relaxing. i also just get confused about what is ok.... like i like getting piercings but am i just making an excuse to act out?

Aug 15, 2018 at 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

This makes sense. I have heard that some borderlines or self-harmers get tattoos to be "hurt".

I have tattoos because I love them, but I also enjoy the feeling. My shin bone tattoo was euphoric for me.

Aug 15, 2018 at 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikon

i can relate. i've always been turned on by pain, and now find it so confusing, because i'm in recovery from self harm and don't know what is ok and what isn't. i have no idea if something in my upbringing made me this way, but i suspect so, because i've been this way as long as i can remember.
this might be triggering...

with self-harming it was never sexual for me, but i found it relaxing and do find stuff like getting piercings relaxing. i also just get confused about what is ok.... like i like getting piercings but am i just making an excuse to act out?

I can relate to this as well. I have tattoos and piercings. Love them both. I've had my tongue pierced 3 times now (keep taking it out). Whenever a friend wants to go, I go. In my mind it beats self harm, but what do I know?

Wild Coyote · Aug 15, 2018 at 02:31 AM

My niece gets lots of piercings. She tells me she "needs" the pain. I listen and try to understand what this means to/for her. She is very sincere about her desire for pain. I am very sincere about my desire to fully understand.

Many people are into sadism/masochism. Many do not share about this because they feel misunderstood and/or judged. I think the numbers of people into this are much larger than most would ever guess. It's helpful to have this talked about as openly as possible.

Thank you for this thread.

WC

nikon · Aug 15, 2018 at 04:41 AM

i genuinely like having piercings too.
i have been ashamed of liking pain for ever. i once freaked out about it completely and told the counsellor i was seeing, which turned out to be a terrible idea. he wasn't judgmental per se, but it definitely did not decrease the shame.

Aug 15, 2018 at 11:31 PM

Nothing to be ashamed of. There are a lot of masochists in the world.

Patagonia · Aug 16, 2018 at 12:04 PM

I feel my use of masochism does stem from my MH issues. I need physical pain to try to match or balance the mental pain. So far nothing has come close. But with physical pain, especially from my Sadist who understands how my mind works in certain areas, it does help. But the release & play is such a very small calm area in me & now knowing that area exists....brings me even more MH pain.
No one knows this about me, that’s close to me & it’s not a topic of conversation. It’s a very dark part & needs to stay there.

Aug 16, 2018 at 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I feel my use of masochism does stem from my MH issues. I need physical pain to try to match or balance the mental pain. So far nothing has come close. But with physical pain, especially from my Sadist who understands how my mind works in certain areas, it does help. But the release & play is such a very small calm area in me & now knowing that area exists....brings me even more MH pain.
No one knows this about me, that’s close to me & it’s not a topic of conversation. It’s a very dark part & needs to stay there.

Thank you so much for your comment. This is a taboo and sensitive subject for sure. Some people in my life are aware. They have seen bruises and asked or seen me like BDSM posts on facebook or I just talk about it. For me it is what it is. I enjoy pain and if I'm being honest extreme pain. That's part of who I am, regardless of where it comes from.

Patagonia · Aug 17, 2018 at 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl2

Thank you so much for your comment. This is a taboo and sensitive subject for sure. Some people in my life are aware. They have seen bruises and asked or seen me like BDSM posts on facebook or I just talk about it. For me it is what it is. I enjoy pain and if I'm being honest extreme pain. That's part of who I am, regardless of where it comes from.

That’s really nice you have people in your life you can share that with. It must be helpful to you

Aug 17, 2018 at 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patagonia

That’s really nice you have people in your life you can share that with. It must be helpful to you

For clarity I'm extroverted and comfortable talk about anything. My Facebook page has posts about my wife beating dad, my psych ward stays, the baby I placed for adoption, etc. I've watched porn with friends. One friend and I had a detailed discussion about his bowel habits. I brought up my masochism in a conversation at pole dancing class. It's just me and people know it.

So if anyone needs an ear, I'm hear. Nothing anyone can say shocks me and I don't hold back.

Stone92 · Aug 26, 2018 at 12:59 PM

I've found myself wondering often, lately, how much my affinity for pain or punishment has to do with my MH background. I know it is partially a coping method, and one I'm trying to get a better handle on. I think it's something a lot of masochists have in common, in my experience anyway.

catwalk69 · Aug 29, 2018 at 07:41 AM

Thanks for your suggestion.

Patagonia · Aug 29, 2018 at 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonymous57678

For clarity I'm extroverted and comfortable talk about anything. My Facebook page has posts about my wife beating dad, my psych ward stays, the baby I placed for adoption, etc. I've watched porn with friends. One friend and I had a detailed discussion about his bowel habits. I brought up my masochism in a conversation at pole dancing class. It's just me and people know it.

So if anyone needs an ear, I'm hear. Nothing anyone can say shocks me and I don't hold back.

I recently tried to PM you, but it doesn’t go thru. Are you still on this site?

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nikon Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: Closet Posts: 842 6 678 hugs given	Aug 15, 2018 at 04:41 AM #12 i genuinely like having piercings too. i have been ashamed of liking pain for ever. i once freaked out about it completely and told the counsellor i was seeing, which turned out to be a terrible idea. he wasn't judgmental per se, but it definitely did not decrease the shame.
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Anonymous57678 Guest Posts: n/a	Aug 15, 2018 at 11:31 PM #13 Nothing to be ashamed of. There are a lot of masochists in the world.
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catwalk69 Account Suspended Member Since Aug 2018 Location: USA Posts: 30 5 1 hugs given	Aug 29, 2018 at 07:41 AM #19 Thanks for your suggestion.
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