Erections

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Cyran0 said:
Good healthy sex is a two way street so if his problem is not purely physical, it might be worth considering whether or not you're contributing to his psychological difficulties.

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As a Person - I AGREE with what you are saying here.

But, as a woman who has also suffered through sexual abuse - I have to say that it is him that needs to be understanding with his wife during this difficult time for her, for it is hard to give freely to another sexually when your safety was taken by force and especially is that other person was also a man.

Now I have to ask -

Has she talked to her husband about this matter and how she feels? - I did with my husband and it made the world of difference in me feeling safe with him sexually...... Life & Sex is Good.

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drummergrl said:
All my friends perform "oral" sex on their guys, and they advised me to do so to see if that would help.

I DON'T WANT TO HELP HIM THAT MUCH!!!
I couldn't do that as I think that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

And as a victim of sexual assault I would never even consider it.

I might like being the victim, walk in my shoes if you think it's so easy to get over!!! It leaves a scar on you no one or no thing can erase.
In my own famous words: " Innocense once was a virtue, now it's a Crime".

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((( hugs ))) - Please know that I understand how sexual abuse can effect a person later in life when they decide to become sexual with another...... and I know all about how some scars may never fully heal *sad*
I lived thru the hell and I suffered thru the rejection of sex by self - but now I am enjoying the benefits of having a caring husband that cared enough to listen and to support me until I got to the point where I was comfortable with him sexually.

Food for Thought (wife to wife)

Have you thought about pleasuring him manually with your hand and some motion lotion? - or can you ever image using some kind of sex toy on him that helps with his hardness factor?

No!!! I used to do that for him, but later on when it all came to a head (no pun intended), I didn't like that anymore. I use to just want him to hold me and nothing more, then it got to where he would put my hand down his pants all the time...
I jerked it back and turned over. It made me feel dirty. Cheap. I guess this is my road to hoe and cross to bear, but I can't find a solution. I don't think I really want one, to be honest?

Thanks anyway!!!

Hi Rhapsody:
Sorry for the long lapse in between postings, but I'm afraid
that Cyrano triggered a negative bomb in me and I could not even approach the subject let alone take into consideration what he said. You see, I didn't bring anything
into the b-room in the beginning. It's only been in the first year of marriage that I started to wonder if maybe he had a tryst with something he thought was a woman over in Nam on one of his pit stops in Bangkok!!!! Sometimes that happened over there and it's likely that no man would ever come forward and admit that!!! I don't know that I would given the situation.
So, it's a very touchy subject around me. I'm sorry I ever brought it up. Now I feel like I did back then, I FAILED him.
Oh well. %#@&amp;#! happens.

I'm sorry drummergrl, I was only trying to help.

Cyran0

It's okay Cyrano!! I appreciate your thought. It's just that upon returning from that damn clinic in Seattle, that I hated myself for even going. I should have gone with my instincts
and stepped out of the marriage altogether. If I had had more courage and stamina, I think that would have been the better of two choices. He simply NEVER could perform
with me. I don't understand why MEN are so vain about their bodies when they malfunction? It's like they can't take
responsibility for themselves!! That's what I'm saying, none
the less.
I failed many times over and I can't turn it around. I'm just
not the marrying kind I guess. Too much abuse from early
childhood and young adulthood. You never got over those
things..........they haven't invented that art yet?????
Anyway, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I take full responsibility for my actions. I don't mean to make anyone
feel inferrior, it's my own fault for the way I take things.

Hope we can still be friendly???? on the forums.

drummer, of course we can still be friends!

I just meant I'm sorry if what I said truly upset you as I was only trying to help. Beyond that, you can agree or disagree with anything I post as much as you'd like. It's the great thing about opinions and advice, we can ignore both if we so choose.

No, I'm more concerned about your wellbeing. It sounds like you're in a really bad place right now and I hope things get better. I really do.

Cyran0

I AGREE!, we can be friends. Like I said Cyrano, I'm a bit
touchy about talking of personal things and I can come off
a bit oblique at times. Anyway, I like your posts. You didn't tell me to get screwed.........most guys do if they get insulted.
Ya know?
I do not know if you've read my other postings or not, but I
have one in the sexual abuse forum and if you care to read them you might understand why I turned out the way I did??
I know it's judging my husband by every other man, but I
really felt I gave it my all and it seemed "hopeless" after all.
So now I live a peaceful, celibate life with him and don't talk to him about that anymore. It justs makes him feel bad.....or
like I'm putting him down. I just gave up pressuring him.....
that's all. Operative word: I GAVE UP!!!!
NOT IN!!!!

Thanks for understanding.
drmr

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Campanula said:
It includes how they measure hardness....and it is NOT with a "ring toss" game, which was my initial guess.

Campy

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Umm, but the interview said, "For a while physicians were using a device where they would place the device around the penis at night. . ."

Close enough to ring toss for me! :-)

one word - Viagra

you can hammer nails after taking 1

lol

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drummergrl said:
I don't understand why MEN are so vain about their bodies when they malfunction?

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Hi drummergirl....

If I was to answer that question for myself,,it would be the fear that I was no longer a man. Now, of course, that is a misplaced fear as my manhood is not directly related to my ability to perform sexually at any given moment.

However, it is an illusion created by the society that I live in. Youth, vigor, exaggerated muscles and appendages and such smiling awe struck faces of those who would wish to be with such flesh.

It takes years of failures of varying degrees and the simple act of "becoming" as time will offer to, that we can begin to truely understand value.

I am sorry that your physical relationship puts such imbalance into your world. The act itself is such an incredible gift,,one enjoyed by most mammels and probably far more species,,but it is often what is put between our ears and not our legs that cause the most deflation in the experience...

IMHO.

Lenny

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Rhapsody said:
More and more doctors are starting to say the "Hardness Factor" in men can tell a lot about his health....... the Good and the Bad.

"The harder the erection - the healthier the man"

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We're good to go then lol

hmmm will have to check on that one lol

So what will I do now, I have DE. So it may be right that I should set my wife free or find another man for this aspect of marriage (sex in bed). Before sex fantasies help us, until I reach the point of telling her that maybe we should "invite" someone to do "it" for her or maybe we must say it goodbye now. I am 60 and she is 49.
What do you think.

It varries accoding to a lot of condtions. The one thing that will help preserve the strength and intergrity of "the little man" is to stay in shape, studies have shown that carring a lot of gut will inhibit errections especially as men age.

im not in shape....but I do use Viagra

God Bless Pfizer!

mang dont give up on your marriage. God gave you other tools to use to please her.

Is taking viagra or cialis still advisable for a 60 year old man like me?

Check with your Doctor, if you are in generally good health it should be no problem to continue to use erection enhancements, but your Doc can best advise you in case there is a problem or those meds may interact in a bad way with any other regular prescriptions you may take.