One's We Trusted

It is sickening to me the ones we are support to trust (parent(s), extended family members) are the ones that abused me since birth.

The long term effects and harm done to all aspects of one's life. Professional, personal, etc. It scares one for ever and the scares are permanent.

I have engaged in such actities that include and not limited to alcohol and drugs.


Over time, I learned to accept my behavior that includes

I never had an issue being photographed or video recorded while performing the above.

Love to get some options and feed back from members.

dave

Is this behavior that you want to completely stop or gain some control over? I think it is important to separate the wounded part part of you that has these urges from the part of you that doesn't want to go along with them anymore or manage them better. Sometimes it is important to become your own parent, which means identifying a strong aspect of your personality that has the ability to do what is in the best interest of your entire being.

I'm not making a judgment on your behavior, which is why I asked if you want to stop it or control it. It could be that you want to manage it better, so you keep it compartmentalized in one part of your life, without letting it overwhelm your entire life. Or, maybe you want to eliminate it completely, which may be easier said than done. However, knowing that you want to eliminate it is the first step, if this is what you truly want.

So, what do you want? How do you feel about the behavior that you've described here?

I dont see a problem with the behaviors you have described, unless they are bothering you. I'm afraid you will have to elaborate on the type of support you need so I know how to respond. No judgement. PM me if you prefer. I'm listening.

My behavior, I have never felt ashamed or embarrassed while modeling or performing. Fact is, I enjoy model and performing for others. The more erotic
sexually I perform, the more I enjoy it.

I love pleasing people and love the looks and comments I get from others.

Guess one can say i'm uninhibited.

Fact is the more modeling/entertaining I do the more sexually aroused I get and this leads me to perform more erotic sexual acts.

Hope this helps clear things up.

Thank you for not having a problem in what I do and for your understanding.

I guess I'm seeking support, friends and encouragement. Someone to chat with about my condition.

I will PM you, please PM me.

If it is something that you enjoy doing and it doesn't bother you or the people you perform for, and it all remains legal, then why refer to it as a "condition?" I'm just curious as to why you are labeling it as a condition, even though you seem quite happy pursuing this behavior.

Obviously, there are "some" people who will find or create moral grounds to judge your behavior as wrong, but that doesn't necessarily mean that your behavior is an abnormal medical or psychological condition. The opinions of society often get confused with psychological conditions. Sometimes we choose to do something just because it is who we are or what we do, for now anyway. Our paths, desires, needs, and perspectives sometimes change over time as well.

My concern is whether your current behavior is the result of something traumatic that happened to you during your childhood - you somewhat implied this in your initial post. If it is, then your psyche is possibly trying to resolve something from the past through your current behavior, even though sexual compensations rarely accomplish that, and we just keep going round and round acting out the same old pain - even if it is disguised as pleasure - and never getting to what we truly need for healing. Just being real about this, and I'm speaking from my own personal experiences/observations as well.

I don't feel what I do is disguising. Fact is, I gain pleasure for it. I love expressing exposing the female side of me. Either in photos, video or live entertainment.

please feel free to PM to discuss this further if you like