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Old 12-25-2018, 11:14 AM #1
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Confused A big big problem

Hello to all of you.
As in title, I have a big big problem. I can't identify myself as heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual or whatever. I had a crush on a boy when I was 11 and that's it. I'm a virgin, but I enjoy lesbian porn. So I'm not aromantic neither asexual.
I can easily point things I like in the appearance of both men and women, but I'm attracted only to women's body. I discovered earlier in my life that I can love someone because of their personality, appearance doesn't matter to me as long as that person isn't gross. I'm not focusing on my love life and I won't be for a long time still, unless I meet someone special. So I won't be getting any experience anytime soon. I know I don't need to rush, but I'd love to label myself. I would just feel better about myself.
So I'm asking you for help. Do you know any way I could label myself without falling in love? What do you think I should label myself as?
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Old 12-25-2018, 06:58 PM #2
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Smile Re: A big big problem

Hello BroccoliOfLife: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

I'm sorry I don't think I could even begin to tell you how you could label your sexual identity or what that label might be. Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have some thoughts in that regard. I think the general consensus of opinion, with regard to sexual orientation, nowadays is that labels really are not necessary or helpful. But I do know how it is. You'd like to have something you could "hang your hat on", as the saying goes... something you can "point to" that summarizes who you are & how you feel. I've had some experiences of that sort myself. (I'll spare you the details.)

I think the one thing I feel I can say with some authority, is that matters related to sexual orientation can be very confusing. And sometimes the best way to get to the bottom of them can be by working through them with the guidance of a mental health therapist who has experience working with clients who have sexual orientation concerns. Based on what you wrote, it sounds as though this may not be something you would feel the urge to do at the present time. However, should you find yourself continuing to puzzle over your sexual identity concerns as time goes by, this may be something to consider for the future.

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 12-26-2018, 05:16 AM #3
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Default Re: A big big problem

Thanks for warm welcome!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
But I do know how it is. You'd like to have something you could "hang your hat on", as the saying goes... something you can "point to" that summarizes who you are & how you feel. I've had some experiences of that sort myself. (I'll spare you the details.)
I feel like you voiced my concerns better than I did! Haha.
Thank you for your reply. If my problem will bother me more someday, I'll go to the therapist. Lots of love!
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Old 12-26-2018, 05:01 PM #4
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Default Re: A big big problem

Why do you feel it requires definition? You could just keep yourself open minded and see what comes your way. Even if you defined yourself, it could change over time. Give yourself permission to just be you and put labeling on the shelf for now.
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Old 12-31-2018, 06:59 PM #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous52856 View Post
Why do you feel it requires definition? You could just keep yourself open minded and see what comes your way. Even if you defined yourself, it could change over time. Give yourself permission to just be you and put labeling on the shelf for now.
Thanks for replying!
I would just feel better if I could say to myself "I am straight" or "I am gay". But you're right. Why does it even matter right now? I will just put labeling aside and do it when (if) the time comes.
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Old 01-28-2019, 06:35 PM #6
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Default Re: A big big problem

are you possibly pansexual? ( gender blind, they don't care about gender since theyre not attracted to any particular genders) it's just a suggestion, don't take my word as truth . you don't NEED labels but i get that they can help.
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Old 01-29-2019, 08:52 PM #7
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Default Re: A big big problem

Instead of waiting until you fall in love, what if you go by what you are attracted to?

You specifically said that you are attracted to women’s bodies. What if you”try on” the idea that you are a lesbian and see how well it fits you?
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Old 01-30-2019, 11:50 PM #8
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Default Re: A big big problem

Hello BroccoliOfLife,
Yes, you can absolutely be asexual and have crushes/want a romantic relationship! Most non-asexual people experience romantic and sexual attraction at the same time and don't differentiate, but romantic and sexual attraction don't have to go together. For every sexual orientation, there is a corresponding romantic orientation (heterosexual and heteroromantic, for example), and your romantic and sexual orientations don't have to match up. To me, it sounds like you could be heteroromantic asexual because you describe being romantically but not sexually attracted to men, but your attraction to women seems to be more platonic.
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Old 03-11-2019, 05:21 PM #9
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Default Re: A big big problem

Thanks for all the replies. I thought about it a lot and I decided, that right now I see my future with woman. I know sexuality is fluid, so maybe as time goes by I will think differently. Thank you for helping me!
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