advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
booster02011950
New Member
booster02011950 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Alabama
Posts: 6
5 yr Member
Confused Dec 27, 2018 at 04:36 AM
  #1
I’ve been having a sexual relationship with someone for the past 3 months. We were acquaintances before. We usually see each other 2-3 times per week for sex and I usually end up spending the night. The actual act is ok, but could be so much better for me. Forplay is totally one-sided. I give him oral, touch his body, I really get in to it. He doesn’t do the same for me. He doesn’t kiss me, he doesn’t touch my body, no forplay of any kind since the first time we had sex - no oral, which is fine, but he gave me a great massage and more. Since then, I’ve been the only one giving. During the actual act, still no touching, regardless of position, he just doesn’t. I know he wasn’t like this with other women, only me. I look younger than my actual age, other men ask me out, I’m not a bad looking woman. I think I look pretty decent. So what’s wrong?
booster02011950 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous57363

advertisement
Anonymous52856
Guest
Anonymous52856 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Dec 27, 2018 at 11:47 AM
  #2
The only way to know is to just ask him, right out. The best sex always comes with open communication.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
amandalouise
Wise Elder
 
amandalouise's Avatar
amandalouise has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,133
15 yr Member
884 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 27, 2018 at 12:07 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by booster02011950 View Post
I’ve been having a sexual relationship with someone for the past 3 months. We were acquaintances before. We usually see each other 2-3 times per week for sex and I usually end up spending the night. The actual act is ok, but could be so much better for me. Forplay is totally one-sided. I give him oral, touch his body, I really get in to it. He doesn’t do the same for me. He doesn’t kiss me, he doesn’t touch my body, no forplay of any kind since the first time we had sex - no oral, which is fine, but he gave me a great massage and more. Since then, I’ve been the only one giving. During the actual act, still no touching, regardless of position, he just doesn’t. I know he wasn’t like this with other women, only me. I look younger than my actual age, other men ask me out, I’m not a bad looking woman. I think I look pretty decent. So what’s wrong?
sometimes partners dont realize that the other needs foreplay. its pretty common for a guy not to think about a woman needs those times when its more about the massaging, relaxing, cuddling, talking, guys brains are a bit different in how they perceive things...

this is going to get a bit graphic but think about how you feel when your lower parts are "ready" the throbbing, ready to burst and emotions that come along with it.... well guys reach that point real quick they dont need foreplay to "get them there" just seeing their partners body can get them to rise to the occasion.

A womans brain on the other hand are wired to think things through, to take time to feel on an emotional level that guys dont see. I mean if i could see right away theres a spot I missed in touching my wife and Im a woman its understandable that guys would probably do so,and have this problem too, guys dont see the mental side of sex the same way a woman does. so women have to tell them.

any time you want your guy to massage and so on say .... like a guy told me his wife never leaves things to guesswork or mind reading. their sex life is amazing because they communicate with each other not just the first time but every time...

example his wife holds his hand tracing all his hands lines and outline, complimenting his hands and saying I could use a massage right from these ....... hands. they also have scented oils that they both picked out together so that not only does he give her a massage but she also gives him one.

suggestion maybe you and you and your guy can go pick out some things that the both of you will enjoy using for any kinds of foreplay activities you both enjoy

hey did you know that they make lots of adult board and card games for enjoying foreplay. my wife and I totally enjoy adult gaming night together.

Last edited by amandalouise; Dec 27, 2018 at 01:47 PM..
amandalouise is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
AspiringAuthor
Anonymous57363
Guest
Anonymous57363 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Dec 27, 2018 at 03:07 PM
  #4
[QUOTE=booster02011950;6379758]

That sounds frustrating. Please don't do a number on yourself Booster by questioning your level of attractiveness. If this man is repeatedly having sex with you, it seems likely that he is attracted to you as you are

I think Amandalouise made some good points. Sex can be a very different experience for women and men. Men tend to perceive the goal as penetration quickly followed by orgasm whereas most women I know would rather have foreplay and intimacy before they orgasm...or actually need the foreplay in order to achieve orgasm. I mean intimacy in the sense of actually feeling connected and appreciated by your partner. Penetration can occur without any emotional intimacy.

Has this guy ever had a long-term relationship prior to you or is he used to casual encounters where true intimacy really wasn't on the table? As folks have said, communication seems like a great place to start...to parse out, without judgment, what's happening on his side.

What struck me as very significant was when you said he doesn't really touch you at all regardless of position. That sounds like possibly an avoidance of intimacy with you. You mentioned that he gave you a great massage...was it a sexual one? I could give a friend a great massage without it being sexual in any way.

Is this strictly only a sexual relationship? No dates etc? You mentioned you were acquaintances before...could that be part of the issue here? He's avoiding affection and other forms of touch with you in bed as an attempt to ensure that things don't develop into a romantic/loving relationship?

Perhaps you don't want that either. And no judgment here. But there is research indicating that when people have repeated sexual encounters, it can be increasingly difficult not to become more attached. Due to the release of oxytocin etc, our bodies are designed to bond during sex even if people don't want that. What I mean is, it's going to be much easier to have sex with someone once and then walk away without an attachment compared with repeated encounters.

Are you and the guy both clear on what you want/don't want out of these interactions? Have you discussed that? I think that would be valuable. I've had a few friends who thought that eventually a man would want more than sex if they gave it enough time. I'm not saying that's what you want here but I can tell you in those cases my friends wound up very disappointed and hurt. I hate to throw out stereotypes but in my experience men are much more able to compartmentalize sex (without attachment) than women are. Massive generalization of course.

Just some thoughts and ideas for you. Best wishes
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 28, 2018 at 05:16 AM
  #5
I mean you can ask but I reserve the asking and communication about actual sex more for relationships, In a causal sense I would lay it out its give and take or nothing.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:45 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.