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Old 03-19-2019, 07:19 AM #1
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Default Need physical affection...

My partner, due mostly to physical conditions, canít be ď totally ď involved, sexually. The thing is that I canít get a compromise. I want and need some passion in my life. I need intimacy in my life. I donít need someone who wonít even ď touch ď me ! I feel like because I want to get rid of this ď tension ď Iím doing something wrong. She treats me as if I was a stranger on the first date looking for love. I mean WTF ! I donít want to be with anyone else and Iím sick and tired of having to do it ď aloneĒ. This is so frustrating ! She doesnít try and look for any kind of help or way to work it out. Which is making me finally come to the realization that she just doesnít want to bother anymore. Is that how much she cares about my feelings ??? Especially after all I do to try and make her feel good ? She says she canít feel any pleasure anymore. Is that possible ?
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:35 PM #2
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Default Re: Need physical affection...

That's a really tough situation continuosly blue. Do you feel comfortable sharing the "physical issues" that your gf struggles with? Are these actually related to her sexual health? Or is it more like chronic pain or chronic fatigue related to other problems?

She says she can't feel pleasure anymore....what specifically does that mean...sexual pleasure...she can't orgasm or is it more like anhedonia associated with depression?

Random question: is she on the pill? MDs typically won't share this but the pill kills sex drive for a LOT of women. I had several gfs who went through this. They noticed a change, kept going to the doc, and couldn't find anything wrong. For one reason or another, they later went off the pill and BOOM! Sexual desire returned quite quickly. I just mention in case that may be affecting your gf?

I am sorry you are frustrated. Ultimately, if sex is important to you and it is not valued or wanted by your gf, perhaps you need to take a step back and think things over? There's always the option of talking to an experienced sex therapist but I'm not sure if your gf would be open to that?

I wish you peace. Feel free to share more info if you feel comfortable.
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Old 03-20-2019, 06:02 AM #3
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Default Re: Need physical affection...

I really should have just stressed that it appears to be hormonal.
She doesnít have any in relation to physical sex. Has no desire. No passion.
Cannot feel any pleasurable sensations. I donít know if I really believe this.
I think itís just personal because of a very long and contentious marriage.
( Too complicated to get into here ). Doesnít want to even talk about any possible solutions, or new , or different approaches to the subject.
My basic question is this , ( and Iíve put this out there many times) : Does a woman need ď hormones ď to have any passion whatsoever. Do you need hormones to want to please your partner even though you canít be pleased yourself. Maybe I just donít believe her.
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Old 03-20-2019, 12:25 PM #4
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Default Re: Need physical affection...

Quote:
Originally Posted by continuosly blue View Post
I really should have just stressed that it appears to be hormonal.
She doesnít have any in relation to physical sex. Has no desire. No passion.
Cannot feel any pleasurable sensations. I donít know if I really believe this.
I think itís just personal because of a very long and contentious marriage.
( Too complicated to get into here ). Doesnít want to even talk about any possible solutions, or new , or different approaches to the subject.
My basic question is this , ( and Iíve put this out there many times) : Does a woman need ď hormones ď to have any passion whatsoever. Do you need hormones to want to please your partner even though you canít be pleased yourself. Maybe I just donít believe her.
Hormones do play an important role in arousal and sexuality. I imagine if she felt nothing at all every time you two had sex and she just kept going through the motions with you each time, that could feel traumatic for her...maybe a bit like having her body used? I'm not suggesting that's how you'd view it or want it. Just looking at it from both sides. Also, if her hormones are out of whack that can cause vaginal dryness so sex could be very painful for her. A lot of women experience that.

With regard to your wife not wanting to talk or try other options, that could very well be due to the emotional problems you mentioned that you've both had in your marriage. So, based on what you posted it sounds like she wouldn't be open to speaking with a therapist...do I have that right?

It's a really tough situation. You have my empathy Continuously Blue.

May I ask if you love your wife? Are there still traits you appreciate about her? How long have you been married?

If you'd rather not answer those, no problem.
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Old 04-04-2019, 04:22 PM #5
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Default Re: Need physical affection...

Quote:
Originally Posted by continuosly blue View Post
My partner, due mostly to physical conditions, canít be ď totally ď involved, sexually. The thing is that I canít get a compromise. I want and need some passion in my life. I need intimacy in my life. I donít need someone who wonít even ď touch ď me ! I feel like because I want to get rid of this ď tension ď Iím doing something wrong. She treats me as if I was a stranger on the first date looking for love. I mean WTF ! I donít want to be with anyone else and Iím sick and tired of having to do it ď aloneĒ. This is so frustrating ! She doesnít try and look for any kind of help or way to work it out. Which is making me finally come to the realization that she just doesnít want to bother anymore. Is that how much she cares about my feelings ??? Especially after all I do to try and make her feel good ? She says she canít feel any pleasure anymore. Is that possible ?
I just posted something similar this morning, so, i don't know if this helpful at all, but you are not alone in this situation. It is an incredibly frustrating situation to find yourself in, being with someone who is exactly what you want but who no longer wants to place importance on such an essential part of a healthy relationship. A few things to keep in mind: 1. do not get down on yourself for how you are feeling. It is not wrong or unhealthy to want physical affection or sex from your significant other. 2. Patience, patience, and more patience. Take whatever steps you can to establish that you want these things because you love her and want continually feel closer to her. 3. Respect that there is likely more to the issue than the first reason she tells you. Try to create an open dialogue. This will not only help establish trust and encourage her sharing but it can help you to have an outlet to let out your frustration in a gentler avenue where she understands your position clearer.
Unfortunately, in my situation, nothing has changed, but i am hopeful for you that things will get better for you and your relationship can come out the stronger for it. Cheers, and good wishes to you, mate.
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