Unsure about my sexual orientation and weird fetishes. - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 03-24-2019, 04:22 AM #1
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Question Unsure about my sexual orientation and weird fetishes.

Hello. I hope you could help me shed some light on an issue, since I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this. Also I hope what I am writing is clear enough to understand, since English is not my main language.

I am having some problems in identifying my sexual orientation and hope for some advice in what i can do. I don't think I am either gay or streight, since I don't have an erection when at the sight of male or female body. The things that triggers arausal is specific types of fabrics and clothes, mostly shiny one's, like polyester, naylon, etc in the form of thick winter jackets, by body odor and bodily fluids, specific scenarios, like kidnapping. So when I masturbate, most of the time is about me, being kidnapped and/or sexualy abused, tied up, gaged, wearing the person's clothes or naked and dressed in a thick jacket, and if it has a hood, dressed backwards so the hood Is in the front so it can be pulled over the face. I have had weird sexual fantasies since I was little. I was probably 4-5 years old, when i was watching tv and there was a scene in a movie, were a guy kidnapped a women, tied and gagged here. For some odd reason, the scene aroused me, also I was drawing a lot of scenes, comic book style, were I was kidnapped and tied up.

About two years ago i started to experiment sexualy for the first time, and started dating men. Before that, I never have been in a relationship or have had sex with neither gender. In that period of experimentation I played a passive role, since I didn't had an erection. Also I have to mention that I was also on either anti-anxiety meds or anti-depresives. Since social anxiety is something I have had issues since I was a lot younger and with depression quite recently.
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Old 03-24-2019, 02:35 PM #2
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Smile Re: Unsure about my sexual orientation and weird fetishes.

Hello SDV: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. Welcome to Psych Central. I see this is your first post here. (By the way, your post was most clear. Since I only understand English, I'm always impressed by people who know more than one language.)

I'm sorry I don't think there is a lot I can tell you about what you're experiencing. There are many different kinds of fetishes. And the general consensus of opinion seems to be that they can be extremely difficult to break. So the recommendation is usually to simply accept them & indulge them in as safe a manner as possible.

Here is a link to an "Ask the Therapist" column, from Psych Central's archives, where a young man wrote in with regard to his desire to wear women's lingerie. The particulars of his situation are different from yours. But I found the therapist's reply to be thoughtful. And (hopefully) at least the main points of the therapist's reply will be relevant to your circumstances:

Can't Accept My Fetish - Ask the Therapist

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 04-05-2019, 05:28 PM #3
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Default Re: Unsure about my sexual orientation and weird fetishes.

Welcome to the forums!

I understand you because my attractions are also uncommon. Yours seem to be very close to so called BDSM category. Mine are for suit jackets and old faces and slightly patronizing behavior from the other person. I don't care about naked bodies "as such" nor genitalia unless the person has that special looking face and behavior I described.

Also, my attractions are very short term and unstable; I might feel some desire during cuddling and flirting but stop feeling it at all as soon as we attempt to actually do it. So, I'm considering myself a gray asexual.
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Old 04-22-2019, 03:58 PM #4
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Default Re: Unsure about my sexual orientation and weird fetishes.

Hello, Skeezyks and Martinerous. Thank you. I really appreciate that you took the the time to read my post and reply. Sorry that it took this long. I got caught up with work and also I haven't felt too well from the side effects caused by the medication I am taking for depression and social anxiety. I am working together with my psychiatrist to find a medication that doesn't affect me sexualy, and still be effective for my issues, since I am at the stage were I am still experimenting and learning about myself.
Indeed Martinerous, what I said does fit in the BDSM area with the dominant/submisive roles and other specific activities.

I went to the link you posted Skeezyks and read the therapist's answer. It was Intresting. And like you said, most likely I will have to accept it. It wouldn't really bother me that much, but although I try to be optimistic, there is some degree of fear that i will have a hard time finding someone that shares my interests in my country and start a relationship.

In the above message, I wrote that I am not sure about my sexual orientation. The two possibilities I gravitate is either asexual or homosexual. Although I don't get aroused like most people by men or women, I am more inclined to be attracted by men, because they tend to be more dominant, but the attraction is rarely sexual by itself, meaning I hardly have any erection when I want to engage in normal sexual intercourse. Maybe the medication I am taking doesn't help either. Maybe someone can enlighten me about this issue, and tell me where my inclinations would fit better. And if someone else wants to share their opinion and could give me an advice on this issue, I would greatly appreciate it.
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Old 04-22-2019, 06:36 PM #5
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Smile Re: Unsure about my sexual orientation and weird fetishes.

I'm sorry I don't think there is much of anything more I can add here. Perhaps there will yet be other PC members who will have some thoughts they can share. The one thing I think I know is that issues surrounding sexuality can be extremely complicated. I myself have had gender identity issues I've struggled with since early childhood. (I could tell you stories. But I'll spare you the details.) And then, of course, as you know only too well, the med's you're taking also add a complicating factor.

Perhaps seeing a therapist who has experience in the field of sexuality might be helpful? I've never really been much on therapy myself. But I did have an opportunity to see a therapist, a few years ago, specifically to talk over my own gender identity issues. And although I didn't continue on for very long, while I was seeing her, just having someone in real life to talk with about things I had kept hidden all of my life was such a relief. I doubt I'll ever do it, but I often muse about going back.
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Old 04-23-2019, 08:49 AM #6
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Post Re: Unsure about my sexual orientation and weird fetishes.

Oh, it's OK, I understand. I deeply appreciate it that you took bit of your spare time to read and reply.
Therapists that are specialized on this area are not that many here and in my town I haven't found one. Another problem is that therapist visits are not covered by the health insurance. The only way you can get free visits is through a psychiatrist, and only to psychologists that work with them. And with paid visits, since I have to go to a few, to find one that is good, can get expensive, and at the moment I realy can't afford it.

I went in the end to a psychologist, a few months ago, through another psychiatrist that I went to, and tried to explain the issue. The problem is, since I haven't spoken with anyone about this and the social anxiety part dosen't help either, I had a hard time expressing this issue as accurate as I did on this forum, becouse of the weirdness of it. And besides she didn't have any experience with my type of issues. In the future, when I can afford it, I plan to go in a diffrent city where there is a therapists that is specialized in this area. In the end, I don't regret going, since I have spoken about other issues, like social anxiety and others. Yes, you are right. It sure does feel great when you get the chance to get it off your chest.

Last edited by SDV94; 04-23-2019 at 12:06 PM.
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