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Old 04-14-2019, 11:14 AM #1
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Exclamation 10 years of bad sex ...how could he not know

Hi all. I've come to realize that I can no longer sit back and let life go on without trying to live it once again. I been with my husband for 19 years and for the last 10 he's had a problem with premature ejaculation . Not just occasionally, it is every time. I went into depression that only worsened after losing my son, mom and dad in 3 consecutive years 2014-15-16. The following year, 2017, he walked out on us to play house with a piece of trash. So after finding out he's s been watching online porn 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a week, I lost it and told him the truth, that I've been faking pleasure so he wouldn't feel bad about himself . In hindsight, that bit me in the *** since his inflated ego sent him out to share his amazing "ability" with any who would take it. He said he cheated and watches porn because I don't give him affection and attention, so I guess that's temper tantrums . I told him what I want and what I won't stand for any longer.. My immediate problem is this 10 years worth of blue balls that I myself haven't been able to ease. He will either change his ways or he'll get better at hiding it. Idk know what to do. Any advice is greatly appreciated. He needs to resolve this asap, before I blow. Thanks for reading.
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Old 04-14-2019, 11:55 AM #2
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Default Re: 10 years of bad sex ...how could he not know

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1neglectedwife View Post
The following year, 2017, he walked out on us to play house with a piece of trash.
Do you mean he had an affair and moved in with her?

Quote:
So after finding out he's s been watching online porn 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a week,
Is he back home?

Quote:
I lost it and told him the truth, that I've been faking pleasure so he wouldn't feel bad about himself . In hindsight, that bit me in the *** since his inflated ego sent him out to share his amazing "ability" with any who would take it.
what ability? I am confused. You say he has the premature ejaculation-did he fix that issue?

Quote:
He said he cheated and watches porn because I don't give him affection and attention, so I guess that's temper tantrums . I told him what I want and what I won't stand for any longer.. My immediate problem is this 10 years worth of blue balls that I myself haven't been able to ease.
So do you think his issue was your fault but now its better with other women or porn?

Quote:
He will either change his ways or he'll get better at hiding it. Idk know what to do. Any advice is greatly appreciated. He needs to resolve this asap, before I blow. Thanks for reading.[/B]
I am trying to understand so I can give you the support you need. Did he leave you and shack up with another woman but is home now? Why stay with him if his solution or "punishment" to you is an affair? I feel the same way about porn- I prefer that my husband not watch it. He doesn't because he says he would rather think of me. But I also would never check his search history or go through his phone. What do you think he needs to resolve? If anything you guys need marriage counseling to see if you can stay in the marriage when he has cheated on you. Maybe he can explain what his issue with sex is. Below is some info I found:

Quote:
sometimes PE is a problem for men who have erection problems (erectile dysfunction or ED). This is when men are not able to get or keep an erection that's firm enough for sex. Since an erection goes away after ejaculation, it can be difficult to know if the problem is PE or ED. ED should be treated first. Premature ejaculation may not be a problem once the ED is treated.
Quote:
Ejaculation is the release of semen from the body. Premature ejaculation (PE) is when ejaculation happens sooner than a man or his partner would like during sex. Occasional PE is also known as rapid ejaculation, premature climax or early ejaculation. PE might not be a cause for worry. It can be frustrating if it makes sex less enjoyable and impacts relationships. But it happens often and causes problems, your health care provider can help.

In the U.S., about 1 in 3 men 18 to 59 years old have problems with PE. The problem is often thought to be psychological, but biology may also play a
role.
https://www.urologyhealth.org/urolog...re-ejaculation
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Old 04-14-2019, 12:07 PM #3
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Default Re: 10 years of bad sex ...how could he not know

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1neglectedwife View Post
Hi all. I've come to realize that I can no longer sit back and let life go on without trying to live it once again. I been with my husband for 19 years and for the last 10 he's had a problem with premature ejaculation . Not just occasionally, it is every time. I went into depression that only worsened after losing my son, mom and dad in 3 consecutive years 2014-15-16. The following year, 2017, he walked out on us to play house with a piece of trash. So after finding out he's s been watching online porn 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a week, I lost it and told him the truth, that I've been faking pleasure so he wouldn't feel bad about himself . In hindsight, that bit me in the *** since his inflated ego sent him out to share his amazing "ability" with any who would take it. He said he cheated and watches porn because I don't give him affection and attention, so I guess that's temper tantrums . I told him what I want and what I won't stand for any longer.. My immediate problem is this 10 years worth of blue balls that I myself haven't been able to ease. He will either change his ways or he'll get better at hiding it. Idk know what to do. Any advice is greatly appreciated. He needs to resolve this asap, before I blow. Thanks for reading.
Sorry you've been having such a tough time NeglectedWife. That sounds very stressful and frustrating. The stop-start method is effective for dealing with premature ejaculation. You can look it up. That said, you referenced 10 years of marriage problems which I think may run deeper than sexual issues. I recommend talking to an experienced marriage therapist either with your husband or on your own if he's not comfortable with that. If you two have been having problems for a decade it could be difficult to suddenly resolve everything right away, yes? Maybe some time and professional support could help you to move forward? There are also sex therapists with specific training on how to help couples move past things like premature ejaculation.

I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future!
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Old 04-14-2019, 03:44 PM #4
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Default Re: 10 years of bad sex ...how could he not know

sarahsweets...yes he had a fling and stayed away from home during the summer of 2017. I think all the years I exaggerated pleasure from the acts that were not intercourse made him believe he had to be pretty damn good and I think he wanted to find out if he could get that reaction from another woman . When he came home he decided that we should try to make it work even though he continued to stay in touch with the girl til she went to prison. The porn has been been an issue, on and off for most of our relationship. Maybe he just can't give me what I need, Loyalty and honesty but at this point a thorough session of good sex would probably do wondersfor me.
Thank you SilverTrees..
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Old 04-14-2019, 04:24 PM #5
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Default Re: 10 years of bad sex ...how could he not know

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post

Do you mean he had an affair and moved in with her?


Is he back home?


what ability? I am confused. You say he has the premature ejaculation-did he fix that issue?
So do you think his issue was your fault but now its better with other women or porn.
I am trying to understand so I can give you the support you need. Did he leave you and shack up with another woman but is home now? Why stay with him if his solution or "punishment" to you is an affair? I feel the same way about porn- I prefer that my husband not watch it. He doesn't because he says he would rather think of me. But I also would never check his search history or go through his phone. What do you think he needs to resolve? If anything you guys need marriage counseling to see if you can stay in the marriage when he has cheated on you. Maybe he can explain what his issue with sex is. Below is some info I found:
In

https://www.urologyhealth.org/urolog...re-ejaculation
+—-I really question that 1 in 3. My heyday was the Summer of Love era before all the STDs changed everything. It surely wouldn’t be what they call a representative sample statistically, but I have encountered this so rarely that I doubt it this could be true. Cmon ladies, weigh in on this!!! If it is true I feel so bad for men because it isn’t easy to solve this. If I love someone, I still love them if they have this problem, but other means of stimulation for the woman would be necessary. However, from what I have read, other stimulation is often needed anyway. Anyway, the op sure has a bucketload of problems and it would be good to break this down as Sarah requested.
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Old 04-15-2019, 06:41 PM #6
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Default Re: 10 years of bad sex ...how could he not know

This honestly sounds like something simple as a loving wife not being satisfied in the sack.

I know all too well that not being satisfied in bed can lead to irritation, depression, and frustration. Which intern can cause a domino effect with ones life.
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Old 04-18-2019, 09:50 AM #7
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Default Re: 10 years of bad sex ...how could he not know

He took your word that he was great in bed. I think honesty and telling men what to do that works better is the way to go. I'm sorry that happened to you.
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Old 04-21-2019, 12:11 PM #8
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Default Re: 10 years of bad sex ...how could he not know

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead View Post
This honestly sounds like something simple as a loving wife not being satisfied in the sack.

I know all too well that not being satisfied in bed can lead to irritation, depression, and frustration. Which intern can cause a domino effect with ones life.
—-there was a lot more to this situation than just sex and she’s looking for solutions which may not be easy in this case. Some professional help would probably be helpful.
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