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Mossie171
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Default May 25, 2019 at 01:48 AM
  #1
First off I'm not talking about performance anxiety, I guess the only way to describe it is like whenever an opportunity comes to sleep with someone new I just can't unless I'm drinking. It's not like I'm not ready for sex because I am, it's just that first time with a new person I just can't get myself to do it unless I'm drinking and it's terrible. It may have something to do with my past trauma? But I just want to have a normal sex life and I want to sleep with this guy I've known for 8 months now but whenever I even think of trying to start it it's like my brain goes into preteen mode and has no clue wtf I'm doing. I know that I want to, i know that wants to but he always feels like he's pressuring me because of how anxious I get so we aren't getting anywhere and its stressing me out more. Does anyone else have this issue? Or had it? Or just know how to get over it?
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Smile May 26, 2019 at 01:40 PM
  #2
Hello Mossie: I'm sorry I don't think your dilemma is one I can be of help with. However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

The only thing it occurs to me to observe is that perhaps, if you feel you can, simply talking this through with the guy you're interested in may help to break the ice, so to speak. Communication is a vital part of any romantic relationship. Developing communications skills can perhaps be of help with the problem you're experiencing now. But it will also be useful in whatever future relationships you have.

Here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of communications within relationships. Perhaps some of the suggestions in these articles can be of some help:

10 Reasons You Can't Say How You Feel

Communication Pitfalls & Pointers for Couples; Psych Central

Topics You Must Regularly Discuss as a Couple

Tips for Talking About Tough Topics

5 Ways to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Aioric
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Default Jul 08, 2019 at 05:07 AM
  #3
Try this in a romantic setting. Maybe then you will succeed.
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SadCarmen
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Heart Jul 10, 2019 at 11:34 PM
  #4
Hi,

I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this issue - I know exactly how you feel. I can't have sex with someone else unless I'm drunk, otherwise I'm far too anxious. The only time I remember not having this issue was when I was in a relationship - the first time we had sex, I felt comfortable with them. I was nervous, but we knew each other well and for quite a long time. In general though, I usually just drink a lot so I have the 'confidence' to go through with it. I'm sorry, I can't offer much in the way of advice, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I guess my only suggestion would be to have sex with someone you trust. Someone you can be honest with. Remember they're only human too - if you know each well, they'll care about you and want you to be comfortable. Do not be ashamed at doing things at your own pace or communicating your level of comfort. And don't feel ashamed about your feelings, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

I hope this somewhat helped x
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Pygmalion
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Default Jul 12, 2019 at 10:35 AM
  #5
Have you considered the possibility of demisexuality?

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