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Old 09-27-2019, 04:08 AM   #11
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Default Re: Fetishes keep changing

I've had that actual fetish since I was around 10, I didn't really know what it was back then though. Now that I come to think of it, when I've fantasised about certain boys/men I've had a crush on, I've had that fetish in the fantasies.

And also I've fantasised about it with the various obsession objects, but in a different way obviously. I've also acted out a few, with some of the objects I've been able to buy, but for some reason the fantasies were better. These obsessions seem to serve as themes for this fetish. It all seems pointless.
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Old 09-27-2019, 03:05 PM   #12
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You wrote that you've had your fetish since around age 10 but didn't really know what it was back then. I know, in my own case, I spent decades not understanding what was going on with me. (I don't think that's all that unusual.) And, actually, I didn't really even think about it that much. The things I did were simply things I knew I had to do (&, truth be told, wanted to do.)

I presume somewhere in my psyche I understood that it was "weird". I certainly learned early on that it was all stuff I had to hide & could never talk about with anyone. That is one great thing about the internet. It has really blasted away a lot of the isolation people who have things like fetishes can feel because, pretty-much no matter what it is, one can find others who share the same kinks. For someone like myself who spent the majority of life in hiding, it is little short of amazing!

You also mentioned having acted out a few fantasies but finding the fantasies were better. I would agree with this. I don't know why it is. But actually being able to put something, such as a fetish, into practice seems to drain a lot of the excitement from it. Suddenly it becomes mundane... just another thing you do. Perhaps it's like having a secret. It can be titillating to have a nice juicey secret. But once you tell it, it's no longer a secret & it's not exciting anymore... if that makes any sense.
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Old 10-02-2019, 11:12 AM   #13
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Default Re: Fetishes keep changing

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Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
You wrote that you've had your fetish since around age 10 but didn't really know what it was back then. I know, in my own case, I spent decades not understanding what was going on with me. (I don't think that's all that unusual.) And, actually, I didn't really even think about it that much. The things I did were simply things I knew I had to do (&, truth be told, wanted to do.)

I presume somewhere in my psyche I understood that it was "weird". I certainly learned early on that it was all stuff I had to hide & could never talk about with anyone. That is one great thing about the internet. It has really blasted away a lot of the isolation people who have things like fetishes can feel because, pretty-much no matter what it is, one can find others who share the same kinks. For someone like myself who spent the majority of life in hiding, it is little short of amazing!

You also mentioned having acted out a few fantasies but finding the fantasies were better. I would agree with this. I don't know why it is. But actually being able to put something, such as a fetish, into practice seems to drain a lot of the excitement from it. Suddenly it becomes mundane... just another thing you do. Perhaps it's like having a secret. It can be titillating to have a nice juicey secret. But once you tell it, it's no longer a secret & it's not exciting anymore... if that makes any sense.
For me, I'm too ugly to get a boyfriend so I had to act the fetish out myself, involving obsession objects mostly. I found it disappointing, the fantasies made me think it would be better. Maybe if it was with a man it would be different.

The fantasies involving my online crush (M) are far more exciting (and with a much better result at the end) than the ones with myself/objects. Actually, I haven't bothered to fantasise with the objects for a while. I've been doing it about M a few times and it's much more enjoyable. That's understandable I suppose.
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Old 10-18-2019, 10:12 AM   #14
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Default Re: Fetishes keep changing

I got the obsession object, well it's not exactly what I wanted, it's something similar and cheaper. I don't feel like acting out the fetish with it, not just yet. Maybe sometime. Maybe it's because I've been so busy and stressed recently, I haven't felt like doing it. I haven't been fantasising about anything (including M). I have 4 days free so I might calm down now.
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Old 10-18-2019, 03:11 PM   #15
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Thanks for the update! I'm sorry you've been busy & stressed recently. But it's good you have 4 days free now. There's no need to rush into anything (I would presume.) Just do what feels right for you. Take care...
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Old 10-20-2019, 03:43 AM   #16
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Default Re: Fetishes keep changing

Well I tried to act out the fetish on the obsession object I got, and it didn't really work. Very disappointing. It was nowhere near as exciting as I imagined it to be, it was better in the fantasies/daydreams. I was excited about it beforehand, couldn't stop thinking about it. That's why I just went ahead and did it.

I'm just disappointed, frustrated and confused! I don't understand why these things don't live up to my fantasies. I always think it should be better, actually doing it, but it seems the thought of doing it is more arousing.
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Old 10-20-2019, 08:00 PM   #17
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Well I tried to act out the fetish on the obsession object I got, and it didn't really work. Very disappointing. It was nowhere near as exciting as I imagined it to be, it was better in the fantasies/daydreams. I was excited about it beforehand, couldn't stop thinking about it. That's why I just went ahead and did it.

I'm just disappointed, frustrated and confused! I don't understand why these things don't live up to my fantasies. I always think it should be better, actually doing it, but it seems the thought of doing it is more arousing.
Yes I believe that's true. The fantasy is almost always more arousing than the reality. At least from my perspective, that is one argument for acting out a fantasy as long as doing so won't be harmful to oneself or others. Once you actually act it out in real life it can, at least sometimes, take some of the air out of the fantasy so to speak. Suddenly it just becomes mundane... no big deal. That isn't always the case though. Sometimes (& I've had this experience myself) doing something you've fantasized about can feel something like an accomplishment & leave you yearning to move on to the next step. Why some things just leave you deflated while others leave you yearning to move on to the next stage is something I don't know.

Another thing that can happen is that acting out on an obsession or a fetish can take the wind out of your sails (so to speak) for a while. But, after a while, your desire for it builds again. It's possible, I would guess, this may happen with you. You tried acting out the fetish & ended up feeling disappointed, frustrated and confused. And that feeling may last for a while. But after a bit of time, you may find the urge to try it again re-building. You may also find yourself coming up with new ideas, new variations on what you're doing that will re-energize your enthusiasm for it. This can sometimes become sort-of a vicious circle. You act on your fantasy & it drains away your enthusiasm for it. But then after a while your enthusiasm grows again & perhaps you come up with some variation on what you're doing that adds a new sense of excitement to it. So you try that & doing so drains away your enthusiasm again until you come up with yet another new variation... and around-&-around it goes. This is the sort of thing that can lead people down some very dark pathways always chasing some new, & perhaps more exotic, variation on what they're doing. If you find yourself heading down that road, then it really is time to get some help (in my opinion.)

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Old 10-25-2019, 08:44 AM   #18
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Default Re: Fetishes keep changing

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Suddenly it just becomes mundane... no big deal.
This is exactly what happened. I started wondering why I thought it was exciting/arousing in the first place. I haven't tried again and I don't feel like I want to.

I think it's because I have to act it out with whatever random objects my ego chooses for the "obsession". Can't help feeling it would be a lot different with a boyfriend. When I fantasise about M, it is much better, but obviously I can't act it out with him. I've had a few fantasies about him recently, but I haven't with the obsession object, not since that time I tried. I feel like I've lost interest in that in a fetish way.
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Old 11-08-2019, 01:16 PM   #19
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Default Re: Fetishes keep changing

I've never tried to act out the fetish on the object again. I'm not even obsessed with it anymore, I've lost interest in the obsessions altogether now. I don't want to act out the fetish on it anymore and don't really fantasise about that. I did once when I was bored but lost interest quickly.

I still fantasise about M though, and most of those fantasies involve the fetish. And this is much more enjoyable than with objects/things. And I don't feel ashamed anymore, I'm not doing anything wrong. It's normal to have a crush on someone and since I can never be with him, I might as well be with him in my mind. I can do what I want inside my mind.
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Old 11-08-2019, 01:30 PM   #20
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Yes you absolutely can do what you want inside your mind. This all sounds like progress to me.
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