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Old 09-28-2019, 06:58 PM   #1
Twitch99
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Question Can you control your thoughts and desires

Can you help what you find attractive? Even if by society's standards it's not right? I'm not talking about acting on it.
What if you talk to other like minded people who have the same desires as you? Does that make it wrong, or does it become wrong when you act on it?
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Old 09-29-2019, 03:36 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Can you control your thoughts and desires

Thanks for posing this very interesting question. I suspect a knowledgeable expert could write quite an interesting book on this topic. (Perhaps someone already has?) Can you control your thoughts & desires... what you find attractive even if, by society's standards, it's not right? No I personally don't think you can if by "control" you mean stop or change them. Just as an example, if that were possible, there would be cures for fetishes. But there are not. (At least none I'm aware of.)

My personal, non-professional opinion is thoughts & desires are "wired" into our brains at such a young age that simply stopping or changing them really isn't possible at least in most cases. (Some of it may even be genetic?) What is possible though, at least for some people in some instances, is to sit with the "power" of something like this, allow it to be there, but not become "hooked" by it. This is a basic tenant of Buddhist practice. But not everyone is going to want to or perhaps even be able to do this. In fact I would have to say the majority of people would probably not wish to tread that long & difficult path.

"What if you talk to other like minded people who have the same desires as you?" I think this can be a complex question. At its most basic level I would say no... talking about a thought or desire with like-minded people is not wrong. In fact it can, to my mind, be life-saving literally. This is one of the real benefits of the internet I believe. It provides the opportunity to find & talk with like-minded people on pretty-much any subject one could imagine. I know this is true because I lived most of my life in a world where, if there was something about you that was "different", you were completely isolated. And I can tell you, from personal experience, that can be hell. (At the same time, though, there can also be a darker side to this. While talking with like-minded people can be life-saving, it can also inflame thoughts & desires making them even more difficult to manage. This has, to a large extent been the case with me. These sorts of things can be more complicated than one might wish.)

There can also be a fine line, so to speak, one has to be cognizant of here. There is simply talking in a social sense. But simply talking can morph into something more complicated. Something similar can & does occur, I think, in the realm of relationships. What starts out as simply a friendship between two people can evolve into what is referred to as an "emotional affair". Another example is when watching internet porn goes from being a casual pastime to an addiction. So while I think talking with like-minded people can be beneficial... even vital in some cases... I think one has to be careful it doesn't evolve (or perhaps "devolve" is a more appropriate term) into something potentially damaging both to oneself & to others (those closest to oneself.) And where that fine line is can be difficult to discern.

That was a pretty long-winded reply to your question. Hopefully it wasn't too long. But your question is one that is central to a lot of what is of interest & even of concern to me. Thanks for posting it!
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Old 10-09-2019, 11:32 PM   #3
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Default Re: Can you control your thoughts and desires

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twitch99 View Post
Can you help what you find attractive? Even if by society's standards it's not right? I'm not talking about acting on it.

What if you talk to other like minded people who have the same desires as you? Does that make it wrong, or does it become wrong when you act on it?
Depends on what society you choose to live in. Who is to say what is right or wrong?
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Old 10-14-2019, 03:40 PM   #4
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Default Re: Can you control your thoughts and desires

You can control if you act on it, which to me is what matters most. I don't think I could, but I want to be that paragon.
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Old 02-09-2020, 07:36 AM   #5
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Default Re: Can you control your thoughts and desires

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twitch99 View Post
Can you help what you find attractive? Even if by society's standards it's not right? I'm not talking about acting on it.
What if you talk to other like minded people who have the same desires as you? Does that make it wrong, or does it become wrong when you act on it?
You can't control what you find attractive. It's been tried with conversion therapy, but it was never really successful.

It's far easier to just accept what you feel and choose not to act on it. You might even learn to act against your baser instincts.

Talking to other people is, technically, an action. As such, it can and often does have consequences. Lying, encouraging harmful behavior, making threats, bribing, etc. are some examples of generally frowned upon ways of talking to others. Discussing these thoughts might encourage them and make them more frequent, but they also might be a way to learn to accept that you have them without acting on them. It really depends.
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Old 02-14-2020, 03:26 AM   #6
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Default Re: Can you control your thoughts and desires

Occasionally, my fantasizing mind has drifted somewhere I instantly told myself was not something I want to think about and turned away from allowing my thoughts to go there. But, they were not strong desires.

I also have fantasy thoughts I enjoy and would never really want to act upon. I have no guilt about these thoughts. IDK if it is common for others to have...maybe it is. But these fantasies, I need for my arousal, they hurt no one, I enjoy them, no feelings of guilt or shame about what is only in my own mind, so I indulge in those.

The thoughts that instantly had me put on the brakes were ones that are really taboo, where Id question myself as to why my mind was even going there and just...stop...yuck! I could and did stop.
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Old 02-14-2020, 04:52 AM   #7
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Default Re: Can you control your thoughts and desires

Are you talking about attraction to someone that borders on illegal- like a teenager or do you mean attraction to other adults?
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