[DapperChapper]

Hi. I've seen a few posts about similar issues before, but I need some advice now.

My partner and I have different sex drives and I’m not sure what to do. For reference, my partner has a higher sex drive then me, and I feel that a) I’m not adequately providing for them and b) there might be something wrong with the way I feel. They want to have sex every time we're together, and I'm really not that fussed most of the time.

It’s not just the fact that they want to have sex more, they’re also more into it – based on how they act/what they say. When my partner says something like “I’ve thought about touching you all day” or “I really want to ***** you”, I’ll feel guilty, because, honestly, I don’t feel that. It’s not that I don’t like my partner – emotionally I feel very close to them, as I trust them immensely and they’ve also done a great job of improving my self-esteem and worth; I just don’t attach as much to physical attraction as they do. I enjoy spending time with them, but sex just isn’t that much of a deal for me. That being said, I know it’s more important to them, and I want to be good to them.

What can I do about this? Either in terms of the way I approach this with myself, or with my partner? Maybe I’m getting inside my own head with this. Any advice is appreciated!

[Skeezyks]

I don't know as there is really much of anything I can offer with regard to this. But I noticed no one else had yet replied to your post. So I thought I would.

Personally I don't think the situation you describe is all that unusual. I suspect the chances of two people getting together who are equally matched in terms of their sex drive is probably not that great. It probably happens. But I would be inclined to think it is the exception rather than the rule.

The key to this, to my mind, is simply communication. You & your partner need to be talking about what each of you do & don't want in terms of sexual relations (as well as most everything else in your relationship.) If you feel you & your partner can't engage in that kind of open sharing then, it seems to me, that is really the crux of your dilemma & is probably the first thing you need to work on. If you can resolve that problem, then your concerns related to your mismatched sex drives may well take care of themselves. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.

Here are links to 3 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of communications within relationships

9 Steps to Better Communication Today

Communication Pitfalls & Pointers for Couples; Psych Central

3 Keys to a Strong Relationship