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Old 12-01-2019, 08:38 AM   #1
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Confused Concerned about sexual orientation and weird fantasies

I can imagine it is the same story written by other dude, so apologize for that.

I'm 27. In the primary school i was worried that secretly i am gay. I believe that's because one of my collegues suggested that.

Since middle school, every crush i had was a girl.

Until recently.

I think i was never attracted to guys physically. I wouldn't even know what guys do i like. However i was able to form powerfull bond with a male friend over chat messages. It's weird. I feel... very attracted to those messages. I mean he was always supportive to me and gave me tons of compliments, so one day i had this dirty thought that since he is taking care of all my needs then he could also keep me satisfied sexually. He agreed and what i did was basically masturbating to him writing on chat how cool and cute i am.


All of this left me doubting my orientation. I mean... i've always considered myself straight but the possibility of having him fulfilling all my needs sounds tempting.

And at the same time i've developed minor crush for female collegue in work. I mean, i think she sometimes looks like an angel, i like her scent, her voice, would like to touch her and take her to park, however i almost never have erection when thinking about her.

My therapist says that most possibly im straight with homosexual experience. She tries to comfort me saying, that many guys do have those. I'm worried that i will rapidly develop some other sexuality unknown to myself for my whole life. I am currently in phase where i test my crotch response to pictures of women, men, straight pornography, gay pornography.


I just can't live with this uncertainty.
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Old 12-02-2019, 12:39 PM   #2
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Default Re: Concerned about sexual orientation and weird fantasies

It sounds to me like you're exploring your sexuality but are concerned with placing labels on yourself. Are you worried that having an attraction or desire to be with a man sexually is wrong? Or are you ashamed of these feelings?

It's perfectly normal to feel conflicted about your sexual feelings and desires. I think a lot of people struggle with this. I struggled with my own sexuality for many years. I explored and experimented with both men and women. For a long time, I tried to tell myself I was 100% straight and tried to ignore the fact that I am sexually attracted to men. I tried to hide it from my wife fearing that she would be judgmental. When I finally was able to accept the fact that it's okay to have these feelings, I was finally able to talk to my wife about my feelings. She was completely supportive and understanding. In fact, it turned her on!

I think it's good that you've spoke with your therapist about this issue. It definitely seems like a good first step to talk to someone. Be honest about how you feel and know that you're not alone.
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Old 12-02-2019, 04:06 PM   #3
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Smile Re: Concerned about sexual orientation and weird fantasies

Hello Rusername: You've already received a great reply from krashmajors. So I doubt there's a lot I could add that would be of value. However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So I thought I would simply leave a brief reply saying welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. I was thinking about your post after I submitted my reply. And the other thing that occurred to me is that, perhaps, this isn't really about sexual orientation at all? Perhaps what this is about is "emotional neediness" for lack of a better term? Maybe you're trying to fill a void in your psyche that was created as a result of a lack of parental emotional support?

You mentioned you had been able to create a powerful emotional bond with this male friend over chat. And he was always supportive & gave you tons of compliments. So, naturally I would presume, that would cause you (or anyone in that type of situation) to become attracted & attached to a person who did that.

There is a type of upbringing that is referred to as "Childhood Emotional Neglect" (CEN). Perhaps you're familiar with it? Here's a link to the CEN forum here on PC:

https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/

And then here are links to 4 CEN-related articles from Psych Central's archives. Take a look at these & see if any of this sounds familiar:

Childhood Emotional Neglect: The Fatal Flaw

7 Signs You Grew Up With Childhood Emotional Neglect

3 Ways Childhood Emotional Neglect Sets You Up For Adult Emotional Neglect

4 Cognitive Distortions Caused By Childhood Emotional Neglect

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Last edited by Skeezyks; 12-02-2019 at 07:02 PM..
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Old 12-04-2019, 10:59 AM   #4
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Default Re: Concerned about sexual orientation and weird fantasies

Hi!

Thank you very much for reply.

As i said i was never attracted to men and i am still not. I mean not physically.

I saw my very supportive friend on a photo and i don't feel attraction towards him. I mean, this photo doesnt bring me any emotions aside of being scared that i might be with this person. I don't know how would i react if i had met him in person to try to be togather.

However as i said before. His kindness and caring for me took me over to the state where i feel i want to have a sex with him despite that he's man. Dunno what would happen if we 'did' that. All i can say is that i cant stand watching gay porn too much, it skyrockets my anxiety and makes me wanna puke.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:58 PM   #5
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Smile Re: Concerned about sexual orientation and weird fantasies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusername View Post
Hi!

All i can say is that i cant stand watching gay porn too much, it skyrockets my anxiety and makes me wanna puke.

You'd be well advised, I believe, to stop watching porn altogether. Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject:

How Pornography Can Hurt Your Sex Life

Does Watching Porn Affect Intimate Relationships? (Part One: Men)

Sexual Dysfunction: The Escalating Price of Abusing Porn

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Old 12-05-2019, 05:25 AM   #6
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Default Re: Concerned about sexual orientation and weird fantasies

Yeah, im already doing that for a few days.


I know i have porn related issue. I started with vanilla straight porn and went through bdsm, rape, hentai, cartoon characters and recently transsexual. My recent homosexual event with that friend is pinnacle of what happened.
I feel that whole my life i was straight and now, somehow my orientation was taken from me and replaced with something foreign.


I will continue with not watching porn and maybe finally stop overthinking all of this and focus on life.
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Old 12-05-2019, 08:51 PM   #7
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Default Re: Concerned about sexual orientation and weird fantasies

I think that what you’re describing may be more common than you think. I have sexual fantasies about men from time to time and I think that most of us are capable of it. I have always thought of sexuality as being on a continuum. Some people are gay, some are straight but most of us fall somewhere in between those two extremes. One could be gay, but notice attractive women and even have desires to engage in sexual activity with them, one could be straight but have gay fantasies from time to time, one could be pretty much fall halfway in between frequently attracted to both.
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