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Nonamelady
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Default May 12, 2020 at 06:05 PM
  #1
Hey all, I have a situation...my boyfriend of 2 years likes the sissy genre of pornography. He made a reddit account a few months ago and called himself a sissy on there. Though he never interacted with anyone on there, he did post pics (of other sissy’s) with dirty captions. None of him. Other men sent him messages, but he never replied or even opened them from what I could tell. He was following some other cross dressers on there. He left it open on his phone and I was pretty shocked by it. Partly due to calling himself a sissy, then having an account that could potentially connect him with real people. I have a few issues here.
-this is borderline cheating with people online
-this is kinda gay? Not sure. Thoughts?
-he says he is ashamed of it and actually gets grossed out just before finishing.
-he says he doesn’t want it in real life because he likes being a man.
-he identifies as straight and has no desire for other men
-he says he was never a ladies man, and that this type of porn could connect him more intimately with them. So much so he basically becomes one.
-I am just feeling off about it. I love him and want to understand it. Please help me understand this better, so I can be more open and accepting to it.
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Default May 13, 2020 at 12:32 PM
  #2
Dear Nonamelady,

I am so very sorry for the stressful situation you are in. Wish I knew what to say that would help. Each person's brain is so mysterious and it is hard to know why it causes people to do the things they do. Hopefully many members here will see your post and offer you opinions and suggestions that will be helpful. So very sorry I was unable to be helpful to you. My heart goes out to you.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default May 13, 2020 at 04:10 PM
  #3
It's hard to say without knowing more. As with all things human, there are two dimensions to consider: nature and nurture.

Nature: the human brain develops by default as female and for a boy is influenced by male hormone production during gestation. If a mother having a boy gets stressed during pregnancy some of the precursors meant to make testosterone get used to make stress hormones instead, and those parts of the male brain that are developing at those times can remain feminine in their development. If the stress abates the rest of the brain can continue being masculinised. So males can express varying aspects of femininity depending on when the prenatal stress occurred (and which brain region/s remained feminine). So your significant other might be 'wired' for femininity in some way or another.

The nurture side is more difficult to explore because so many factors are at play. Say a male has a domineering mother, for instance, and the Oedipus complex emerges into a submissive streak in him. As a boy grows it becomes harder to imagine himself as something submissive, because he's growing too strong to realistically fantasize about being subdued by a female, so he starts to fantasize about being a female to allow a continuation of his fantasy world.

Another possibility is that his parents reprimanded 'girly' behaviour too harshly and it became something really taboo. Then fear gets powerfully wrapped into doing anything feminine and sex gets amplified by the fear. Then the fear/sex partnership becomes something so intense it takes on an addictive quality.

As I said, it could be a lot of things. Have some fun with it. Explore it. It might be a fad. Or it might not. But you have an opportunity to explore something new and different. If you decide down the track it's not for you, you are free to voice your concerns and go from there. It may seem like a perversion, but all perversion is caused by something, and no one chooses it, so it's not really fair to judge people about it.
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Default May 14, 2020 at 05:45 AM
  #4
Agreed, it's hard to say for sure. Another possibility is that he may have a paraphilia/fetish where someone becomes aroused by things that are not considered to be "normal." These things are not necessarily bad unless they become overwhelming and stop the person from being functional or that it hurts another person. Some people like shoes, some like furry outfits, it could be any number of things. If it's not debilitating or harmful, perhaps there is nothing to worry about. You did say he felt ashamed though. I think he will have to decide if he wants to decrease the behavior or accept it and control it so that he is no longer ashamed.
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Default Jul 10, 2020 at 05:17 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonamelady View Post
Hey all, I have a situation...my boyfriend of 2 years likes the sissy genre of pornography. He made a reddit account a few months ago and called himself a sissy on there. Though he never interacted with anyone on there, he did post pics (of other sissy’s) with dirty captions. None of him. Other men sent him messages, but he never replied or even opened them from what I could tell. He was following some other cross dressers on there. He left it open on his phone and I was pretty shocked by it. Partly due to calling himself a sissy, then having an account that could potentially connect him with real people. I have a few issues here.
-this is borderline cheating with people online
-this is kinda gay? Not sure. Thoughts?
-he says he is ashamed of it and actually gets grossed out just before finishing.
-he says he doesn’t want it in real life because he likes being a man.
-he identifies as straight and has no desire for other men
-he says he was never a ladies man, and that this type of porn could connect him more intimately with them. So much so he basically becomes one.
-I am just feeling off about it. I love him and want to understand it. Please help me understand this better, so I can be more open and accepting to it.
hi nonamelady, i seem to be doing the same kind of thing here on this site. some men have feelings that they need to explore. as for me, i seem to actually be leaning toward transitioning all together, but for some i think its just experimentation. all my life i wanted to be a heterosexual male but i ended up being a self harmer instead and that was just the tip of the iceburg.

i can tell you much of my own experience if you would like. just let me know. but from what you’ve said, it seems like what he is doing may subside.

it sounds so nice that he has someone who cares and is receptive in order to understand better and improve things. i did not have that opportunity in my life. talking about it may be difficult but i think i can be done - maybe with a couples therapist. i hope things work out for you two.
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Smile Jul 12, 2020 at 03:21 PM
  #6
Honestly... I don't know what's going on in your boyfriend's mind. But this all strikes me as being a proverbial "slippery slope". For one thing I think what your bf is doing could easily be viewed as being a string of emotional affairs of sorts. And, beyond that, there is evidence that frequent viewing of internet porn can-&-does impact a person's ability to engage in real-life sexuality. My personal, non-professional opinion is your bf needs therapy to help him sort out what's going on with him that makes him want to do all of this. But if he refuses, I would encourage you to think carefully before you become any further attached to him than you already are.

Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of the dangers of internet porn:

How Pornography Can Hurt Your Sex Life

Does Watching Porn Affect Intimate Relationships? (Part One: Men)

How Much Porn is Too Much Porn?

Legal Traps for Internet Porn Users: 5 Ways You Can Get in Trouble

My best wishes to you...

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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