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Old 05-21-2020, 01:07 PM   #1
Kookyman12
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Default Im being told this is wrong

So I identify as gay but I'm not sure but feel bi aswell. The reason I say that is because my boyfriend doesn't want me to be bi cause he says its unloyal. I am mainly coming here to question if the kinks and whatnot I have are wrong. I partake in furry porn, pokemon porn, and sometimes my little pony porn. My boyfriend is not at all ok with porn in the first place and especially with my kinks. I brought this up to my parents and they said as long as I'm not hurting anyone with my kinks there shouldn't be an issue. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 05-22-2020, 08:34 AM   #2
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Default Re: Im being told this is wrong

Hi, Kookyman12, and welcome to Psych Central! I don't know about the kinds of porn that you mentioned, but I do think porn can do damage. In your case, it's damaging your relationship with your partner. So, for his sake, I think you should try to respect his feelings and avoid it.

Maybe someone else here will think differently. Let's see....

Again, welcome!
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Old 05-22-2020, 03:18 PM   #3
Skeezyks
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Thanks for sharing your concern here on PC. It seems to me there are, perhaps, at least 3 different aspects to your concern. First you mentioned identifying as gay but feeling bi as well; but your bf doesn't want you to be bi because he says it's unloyal. It seems to me there are a couple of ways to look at this (one of which also relates to your porn-related question.) It's one thing to feel bi. It's something else go out & seek relationships with members of the opposite gender while you're in a committed relationship with your bf (if in fact you are. You didn't mention if that is in fact the case.) There's nothing wrong, or "unloyal", about feeling as though you could be bi it seems to me. It only becomes problematic if & when you go out & seek relationships (whether gay or bi) outside of the one you have with your bf. At least that's the way I would view it.

You wrote you were: "mainly coming here to question if the kinks and whatnot I have are wrong." And you mentioned your parents said as long as you're not hurting anyone with your kinks there shouldn't be an issue. Kinks are things that many people have. And I think your parents are correct in saying that as long as you're not hurting anyone (or I might add endangering yourself) there shouldn't be a problem. However you mentioned your bf is not at all okay with porn in the first place & especially not with your kinks. So here again the question comes up as to whether or not you & your bf consider yourselves to be in a committed relationship. If not, then it seems to me it's not your bf's place to say what is or isn't okay for you to engage in. On the other hand, if you & your bf do consider yourselves to be in a committed relationship, then it seems to me you do have to take your bf's feelings on these subjects into consideration because it sounds like what you're doing is hurting him emotionally.

Now there is a third aspect to all of this as well. You mentioned being into several types of porn. And, at least to my mind, (perhaps I'm wrong about this [?]) there is a difference between having a kink & viewing porn. One can, it seems to me, have a kink but not engage in watching porn. There does seem to be a fair amount of research that is suggesting viewing porn can impact a person's ability to engage in & enjoy real-life sexual encounters. So if you're watching a lot of porn & / or watching it over an extended period of time you could potentially be doing harm to yourself over the long term & not even realize it... at least not yet. Here are links to 2 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of pornography's potential effect on a person's sex life plus a link to an article that warns of hidden legal traps associated with porn watching:

How Pornography Can Hurt Your Sex Life

The Power of Porn: Attention, Hyperfocus and Dissociation

Legal Traps for Internet Porn Users: 5 Ways You Can Get in Trouble

So, at least from my perspective, having kinks is pretty-much just a normal part of many peoples' sexuality. And there's nothing wrong with having them or even in indulging them in a safe & non-harmful manner. Where the concern comes in is with regard to the harm you may possibly be doing to your relationship with your bf if the relationship the two of you have is one you both consider to be exclusive. If it's not & you're both free to be with other people of whatever gender, then the fact that you might choose to pursue a relationship with a member of the opposite gender isn't really relevant, at least not to my way of thinking. But, then, the other thing you need to take into consideration is the potential for harm, over the long haul, you may be doing to yourself by watching too much porn of whatever type. So there's a lot to consider. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.
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